Forced Love
by NJCD
Summary: Everyone thought they could make it through anything. No one knew how he had changed. And maybe if they had, they could've saved all the agony she had to suffer. Last chapter up.
1. Chapter 1

His eyes were glassy. Always. In class, all he would ever do is stare or, rather, glare at his hands. Whenever a teacher called upon him with a question, he would stare at them. Just stare with glassy eyes, occasionally looking at the problem on the board. After about 15 seconds, he would give an answer, than continuing staring at his folded hands.

After a class, he would walk lifelessly to his locker and, robotic like, grab his necessary items and stand outside his next class. The teachers often invited him inside, perhaps to talk or sit down. He declined, simply shaking his head and whispering 'No thanks'. That's another thing: he would only whisper, hoarsely. As if, all night, he wasted the air in his lungs screaming at the sky, trying to be heard by the entire world.

But, during the day, he spoke softly. Once in class, he would do the routine: Stare at the desk, avoiding any eye contact. The bell rings. It's lunch. Eli is the last to leave. He sits as his desk until he's sure everyone's gone. Since he hadn't taken any materials out, not even a pencil, he just needed to retrieve his bag from the chair and sulk out.

Soon, he was in the café. He tossed his bag under the table and ate his food alone. Last class: English. He was the first one in, and, unlike his other classes, rushed out.

When he got home, he would go straight to his rom and lock himself in hos room which, over the short time him and Clare had been broken up, accumulated a mass of trash and possessions. All the work he had done to clean it was ruined. He had gone through everything that had any connection to Clare and put it in a locked drawer. Everyday, he would open the drawer and go through the possessions.

They had only been broken up a month and anyone could see Eli had changed.

As Eli goes through the various items, remembering the story behind each one, tears fall onto his lap. Someone knocks on Eli's bedroom door. Eli quickly gathers the possessions and shoves them in the drawer. He unlocks the door and opens it to reveal Clare. He stares at her. His slightly lifeless figure brightens a little. "Your parents let me in. You, um, you left your dag in Dawes' class." She shows it through the 5 inch door space.

He opens it a little and takes the bag, "Thanks." They stay silent for a moment, then Eli says, "You didn't look in it, did you?" He asks. She shakes her head, "Of course not." They stay silent again. "Do you want something to drink?" He chokes out. "Umm, sure. That'd be nice." He nods and drops his bag to the floor. Squeezing through the door, he makes sure Clare cannot see inside his room.

The ex-couple walks downstairs. Eli gets some soda's and sits on the couch next to Clare. "How have you been?" Eli whispers. "Don't Eli. Don't whisper, it's killing me. Please, please talk aloud." Eli cleared his throat, "How have you been?" He asks, his voice adjusting to talking louder. She gave a small smile, "Fine. You?" He glaredhis lap, _You know the answer to that, _he thought bitterly. "Fine." He said instead.

"Eli, you understand why we broke up, right?" She asked, aware she may be going into dangerous territories. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, staying emotionless. Clare purses her lips, "You've been so...negative since we broke up. I just want to make sure you're okay. That you understand what went wrong. Maybe if you know why we broke up, you cou-"

"Try me." He orders. "Huh?" He turns his head towards her, "Humor me. Explain why we broke up because, clearly, I'm too stupid to realize." Knowing it was pointless to argue, she begins to explain, "I was scared. Scared you were growing...obsessed with me. You needed to be with me every minute of every day. You couldn't see that you were smothering me."

"Sorry for loving you." He mutters. "Eli, you know I love you." She whispers. "You know that, right?" He sighs, "Sure, Clare. You love me. That's why were not together." "Eli..." Eli laughs, "Don't worry, Clare. I'm fine. I have it all worked out." "That's what the noose is for?" She whispers.

He looks at her with venom, "You said you didn't look in my bag." She placed her hand on his bobbing leg, "I wanted to make sure you were okay." "I am." He growls, ripping her hand from his leg, "And don't try to comfort me unless you actually love me." She folds her hands away, "I do, Eli. I love you. Just try. Try to understand why we can't be together."

"Mhm. I'll see you around, Clare." He stands up and goes to put the neglected drinks away. "Give me the rope." She says. "No." Clare hurries to Eli and does the only thing she's sure will stop him. She kisses him. He's taken aback. They pulled apart. "Is this real?" He whispers. She nods, knowing this is what Eli needs but, sadly, what she's dreading.


	2. Chapter 2

**A lot of people wanted me to update. I honestly have no idea why. I got 5 reveiws on one chapter. Never have I got that many on a single chapter. Thanks guys. **

**Anyways, this chapter may turns a few of you off this story. I wanted a strange twist, so Eli...is...um...even I can't gather a word to describe him in this chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

** _ -NJCD_**

It's been a week since Eli and I got back together. He's very protective over me. He often gets me flowers and takes me out to eat. I love him, but it's hard to be with him when he's like this.

As of this minute, we were sitting on Eli's bed doing homework. "I'm going to get something to drink. You want anything?" He asks. I shake my head, silently. He returns a few minutes later weith a Pepsi in hand, and continues on his math. I continue mine.

Eli was humming softly to himself, entering and erasing numbers into a calculator. His hand was shaking slightly, so he kept hitting the wrong key. He stopped humming and steadied his hand with the other, punding the keys hard. "Eli...are you okay?" I asked. His head snapped up, "I'm fine. It's just..." He trailed off.

"What is it?" I pushed. "I, uh, I don't really want you, umm, hanging out with Jake anymore..." He muttered, placing his hands in his lap, staring me intently in the eye, waiting for my reaction. "Why?" I ask. "He's your ex...and I don't like you hanging out with him." I scoff, "Are you **that **insecure?" I demand.

Before he can respond, I gather my thing, quickly, and leave the room. As I walk down the stairs, I can't help but feel...releived. I don't really know why I reacted that why, but a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. "Clare?" Eli had come out of his room and was at the top of the stairs. I ignore him and start to open his front door.

Suddenly, I feel his strong grip rip me away from the doorknob and push me against the wall. "Don't walk away from me!" He growls. I try to turn away from his face, feeling frightened. "Look at me." He demands. I turns my head downwards, avoiding his glare. He slaps me hard across the face, "Look at me!"

But I can't. I fall to the floor, cupping me cheek. I turn to look at him. He's standing there, looking confused. "Are you okay?" He asks, holding his hand out, "That was a hard hit." He says it like I took a tennis ball to the face, or something else accidental. I gawk at him for a moment, then see he's genuinely confused.

I reluctantly take his hand, continueing to cradle my cheek. "Let me see it." He says, camly. I slowly move my hand looks distressed, and cups my cheek gently, "You have to be more careful." He mutter. Then in a clearer voice, "Let's get an ice pack." I followed him to the kitchen and sat at the table while he fetched some ice.

After 20 minutes of silence with the ice-pack on my cheek, Eli threw it away. "Wanna get back to studying?" He asked. "I, uh, I gotta get home...my mom will wonder where I am." He starts to get _that look__, _so I say, "Don't worry, I won't talk to Jake." He chuckles, "I don't care if you talk to Jake. He's your step-brother."

* * *

**Uh...hehe. Idk..Umm...yeah.. **

**Like? :) Dislike :( Hate? :( Love? :D/3**

**Idk...review please. :D**

** -NJCD**


	3. Chapter 3

"How was Eli's?" Jake asked when I walked in. I kept my head turned so he couldn't see my cheek, "Weird." I admitted. I started up the stairs, but Jake stopped me, "What happened to your cheek?" Jake asked, following me. I sighed, "I don't know. Eli just...snapped. He's acting really weird."

"Should I worry?" Jake asked me. _Yes, yes a million times yes! _"Honestly? Yes. I'd prefer if you let us work things out, though." He nodded, "Alright. Let me know if I should beat him up." I nod and hurry to my room.

Once in my room, I lay on my bed and closed my eyes, trying to understand Eli. How could he hit me like that and just _forget _it? Wait. Did he even forget? What if he's faking it? But...it all seemed so genuine. Then again, Eli's into theatre. He could be acting.

On the other hand, why would he do that? Who's he trying to fool? He can't possibly think, for a second, that he could convince me that...whatever he's trying to prove. He seemed so sympathetic. He really forgot, I think.

But...if he did forget, why? What's happening to Eli? As I'm deep in a confused thought, my phone rings. It's a text from Eli.

_Hey Clare, just wanted to see how you're doing. That was a nasty bruise you got, my clumsy angel. Why don't we hang out tonight? I could come over when you parents and bro are sleeping. We could have some fun or just talk, if you want._

Part of me is afraid to have Eli over, but the other part wants to have Eli here so I can figure out what's going on with him. I type a response, and send it:

_Alright, come over at 10._

He doesn't respond for a few minutes and I can't help but wonder if something is wrong. What am I saying?! Of course somethings wrong! Eli gone crazy! Oh, wait, he's responded. I open the message:  
_  
See you then._

Later that night, as I'm reading, my bedroom door creaks open and Eli slips in. He smiles at me, "Your bruise has gone away!" I shake my head, "No, I just put make up over it." He nods thoughtfully, closes the door and walks around my room. He stops at my desk and picks up a picture of Darcy, "Who's this?" He asks, turning to photo towards me.

"That's my sister, Darcy. You know that." He knits his eyebrows together, "But...you don't have a sister." I gawk at him, "You **know **I do." I state. He shakes his head, "Jules, I'd know if you had a sister. I've known you since you were 10 and you never once had a sis-wait. She's Alexa's daughter, isn't she? She's just your step sister?" He asks.

I stare at him in disbelief, "I don't _have _a step sister. I have a sister and a step **brother**. That's all, Eli." He blinks a couple of times the responds, "I know. We talked about Jake the other day. I come to your house in the middle of the night and that's the first thing you think to say?" He chuckles lightly, puts down the forgotten frame, walks over to me and presses his llips against mine.

We pull oway, "You've been acting weird lately. Are you okay?" I nod quickly. Probably too quickly, "Are ** you **okay?" He genuenly smiles, "Now that I'm with you, I've never been better."


	4. Chapter 4

"He's been acting so weird!" I cried the second I came into Alli's house. "Eli?" She asks. I nod, "There's something seriously wrong with him." She smiled, "You _just _realized this?" I throw my arms up, exasperated, "I'm being serious! He needs help!" "Go on..." She urged.

"Okay, first he says I can't talk to Jake, slaps me for walking away from him, instantly forgets he slapped me then says he doesn't care whether I hang out with Jake or not." Alli stares at me in shock, so I explain the entire story, from when I first came over, including that he called me Jules, the name of his dead ex-girlfriend.

Alli takes a while to fully process all that I just told her, then responds, "He's crazy. You should dump him."I shake my head, "When we were broken up, he was ready to kill himself. He needs me." She shakes her head, "Okay. Well, maybe you should talk to him." I shrug sadly.

I get home later, around 10:30. Everyone is already asleep. I tip-toe upstairs and slowly, ever-so-quietly open my bedroom door. Eli is on my bed. "What are you doing here?" I whisper-yell and close the door. He frowns, "I just wanted to hang out. Is that a problem?" I sigh, "No..it's fine. I just wasn't expecting you." I lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling. He reaches under the pillow and hands me a single rose. I sit up and take it, "Eli...it's beautiful " He shakes his head, "No, Clare. You're beautiful."

Eli sits up and kisses me. I quickly tangle my fingers in his hair and push my lips against his, needily. I can feel him smirk. Right now, I could feel a surge of energy and stress that I could only satisfy through Eli. He grips my waist and pulls me onto his lap, "I love you, Clare." and attacked my neck with open-mouth kisses. "I love you so, so much." He whispered. Before I could respond, he forced his lips on me. Though he was gentle at the same time and didn't push me to go any father.

But I wish he would. My libido was high and Eli needs to relieve it. I push his chest and deattach my lips from his, "Eli, could we, maybe, go a little farther?" I ask, shyly. He chuckles weirdly. "What? What's so funny?" He continues to smile, "What's so funny is that you ask if we can 'go farther' when we've already gone all the way." He states.

"W-What? We've never-" Eli pushed his lips against mine, "Yeah, Jules. We can 'go farther'." He smirked, placed his hands on my waist and started to lower me to lay down. I shoved him back, anger flaring through me. Why does he keep mistaking me for Juliet?! "Get out!" I cried, "Get out, get out!" He scrambles to his feet, "Clare, wha-" The door opened and Jake came in, "What's going on?" He asks.

Tears were running down my face, "Make him leave." I beg, but he had already left. "You okay?" Jake asks. He walks over to my bed a rubs my back soothingly. "He's...he's crazy." I whisper and sob into Jake's shoulder. "What did he do? Did he try to..." His voice trailes off, but I know what he wanted to say.I shake my head, "He just needs help. Something's wrong with his Jake. I just don't know what."_  
_

The next day, I sulked in the greenhouse. It's lunchtime, and I had managed to avoid Eli all day. I still hadn't told Jake what exactly was wrong, just that something _was _wrong with Eli. By the way I'd been acting, he didn't press the topic. As of right now, I'm listening to music, reading 'The Secret Garden', when I see 2 jean clothed legs walk up to me and stop about a foot away. I don't even need to look up to see it's Eli. The leather boots and black skinny jeans are a dead giveaway.

I pull out 1 earphone and mutter, weakly, "Go away, Eli." He doesn't move, "Why'd you kick me out last night?" He questions. "You know why." I say through gritted teeth. I close my book, knowing I won't get any more reading done with Eli here. "I don't. I really don't. What did I do?" He begs for an answer. I purse my lips and let a tear fall onto the cover of the book.

"You-you really don't remember?" I ask, "You really can't remember anything? Why can't you?!" I look at him through tear clogged eyes. His face is full of distress, "I don't know what you want me to say." He whispered, painfully, "I really don't." I nodded, sadly, "It's not your fault. I'm sorry. I-I need to go." I stood up and moved past him.

"So, what? You're just going to shun me and not even say why?!" He screamed, suddenly enraged. I whipped around and yelled back, "I can't! If you do know what I'm talking about, I refuse to humor you by explaining your own sick joke. If you don't know what I'm referring to, it will just affect you. Badly."

**Eli's POV:  
(Ermagah, Eli's POV?! The first POV ****other then Clare's?! Ermagah, yes."**

****I watch Clare walk away with seething anger. "Hey, what's going on?" A voice calls. I turn to see Jake. "What's going on?!" I cried, "What's going on is that your sister is a crazy bitch!" I whispered the last past, just loud enough for Jake to hear. "Man, what'd you say?" Jake shoved me back, "If she's such a 'crazy bitch', then why are you with her?!" He demands, "You don't deserve her!"

Out of instinct, my fist connects with his Jaw, throwing him to the ground. I climb on top of him and continue to punch him. He growls and rolls over and soon an all-out brawl is happening. Before it can go any farther, I'm pulled from the ground, "What are you 2 fighting about?!" I turn to see a boy wearing a orange flannel. He has a very pale, girly face. "Thanks, Adam." A boy mutters. I turn to see another boy with a bloody nose.

The pale boy, Adam, is still holding me by the collar. "Get off me!" I cry, shrilly, shoving him back. "Eli, calm down." The tall one said. "What? How do you know my name? Who the hell are you guys?!" I scream. Adam places his hand on my shoulders, "Eli, what ar-" I shove the boy harder, to the ground, "Don't touch me! Get away!" I yell. I turn and start running blindly. Where am I? This isn't my school.

Tears run down my face. I dial Julia's number, quickly. It rings once, twice, then a recorded message plays, ""I'm sorry; the number you have reached is not in service, or temporarily..."


	5. Chapter 5

**3rd Person POV:**

Adam had taken Jake to the wash room, where he cleaned his face. Adam then gave him a wad of paper towels to hold against his still bleeding nose. "Come on." Adam said. They sat on the front steps discussing Eli. "Why didn't he remember us?" Adam asked, "I'm, like, his best friend." "Jake?" They looked up to see Clare walking towards them, "What-what happened?" He shook his head, angrily, "Your boyfriend's a psycho."

"Eli did this?" She asked, hardly believing what he was saying, "I need to find him." She turned and ran to his house. She soon arrived and saw Eli lying in the garage, staring at the ceiling. "Eli..." Clare whispered, kneeling next to him. "What?" He mumbled. "Are you okay?" She placed a hand on his chest and he;d his other hand. "Just having a bad day." He choked out. Tears rolled from his eyes and down the side out his head. "I'm sorry. About last night. About everything I've done to you. I know I don't deserve you, but please, please don't leave me." He begged.

**Clare's POV:**

"I won't." I promised, "Let's go inside." We walked to his room, hand in hand. He was hoarding again. Eli turns to me suddenly, "Did I ever tell you you're beautiful?" He asked innocently, placing his hands on my waist. I blushed and pressed my lips to his. He pinned me against the door and let his hands roam my body. I started to do the same and massage his hardening cock through his jeans.

Within minutes, his hard member was pushing on his jeans. "Am I doing this right?" I asked, nervously, as he had a pained expression on his face. He nodded, "You're doing amazing." I stopped and put my forehead against his chest, "You look like you're in pain." He shook, "I just chose a bad day to wear skinny jeans. I-I'm fine, though." I rolled my eyes, unbuttoned his jeans and slid the zipper down.

I push him back and drag him to his bed, lying him down. I slide his pants off his ankles and climb on top on him, placing the most passionate kisses I can. He places his hand tightly on my waist and rolls over so I'm under him. He grinds his hips into my middle, pushing his almost exposed member against me. I tangle my finger in his hair and pull him closer. His head rests on my shoulder, trying to find the perfect spot to work on. When he finds it, I cry out in pure bliss.

He continues to thrust against that spot until he grunts, groans and slows to a stop, minutes later. He lays beside me. My heart is racing. I put my hand on his chest to see if his is as well. It is. "What'cha doing?" He asks, placing his hand over mine.

"Seeing if your heart is racing as fast as mine." I giggle, "It is." He smiles, "It's should be. That was a lot of fun. You weren't-you weren't pressured, were you?" He asks. I shake my head, "Not at all."

"I have to go...clean up." He mutters, motioning to his crotch. I giggled, "I'll wait here." He leans close to my ear and huskily whispers, "You could come and help me, you know." I blush, "I-I'll just wait here." He laughs, "Don't worry, Clare. I got it." He comes back within 2 minutes and walks back to me, "You know, I tried to call you this morning." He said, "The line had been disconnected." He then explained. I turn to him, "You tried to call me." He nods, "I was having a bad day and needed someone to talk to. But the line was out."

He looks around his room in disgust and starts cleaning everything. Putting things on shelves and throwing the trash away, "Did you hear me, Jules?" I purse my lips but say nothing. "God, when did my room become such a pigsty?" He mutters. "Julia?" He stops cleaning and turns towards me, "What's wrong?"

"Your doing it again." I say. He looks beyond confused, "Doing what?" I stand up and start opening his drawers and start going through them. "Hey, what are you doing?" He says. I pull up his mattress and find what I'm looking for: His journal.

"Give me that!" He yells. I turn away and flip to April 22nd. "Look, Eli! Julia is dead! She's dead, okay?! Dead!" I scream shoving the book in his face. He takes it and reads the entry. The journal falls from his hand, his eyes roll back and he collapses.


	6. Chapter 6

"Clare?" My eyes flutter open, and I can see Eli standing up. After he fainted, I had put him on the bed and stayed the night. He looks well rested and...normal, again. I know it's a mask he doesn't even realize he's wearing. "Hey...morning." He whispered, kissing my forehead. "Hi..." I whispered, "Can-Can we talk?" I ask. "Of course."

"I think that...we should b-break up..." I say without looking at him. "No." He says, boldly. I look up at him, "What?" He shakes his head, "No, no. I don't wanna break up; I love you, Clare." I gap at him, "You can't just decline a break up, Eli! I'm not asking you, I'm-I'm telling you. I wanna break up!"

"Why?" He demands, "You have no reason...everything is going fine!" He exclaims. "No it's not! You keep mistaking me for your **dead** ex girlfriend! You mind is in the past, you're not over her! I'm not Julia!" I scream , not caring if his parents were home. He glares at me, "What the hell are you talking about?! I know she's dead, okay?! Oh, oh, oh, I get it...you wanna be like her!" He accuses with a dark, but deadpanned expression.

I don't answer; I can't think of anything to say. "For one," Eli continues, "Jules wasn't a virgin." He growls. My lip trembles, "I-I need to go home..." I try to get past him, but he blocks my path, "Don't go, Clare. You're not leaving until I get what I want." He grabs my waist and kisses me roughly. I back away, only to bump into the bed, having my knees buckle, giving Eli the chance to straddle my lap. I try to push him away, but he only gets rougher.

"Eli, stop, please." I beg between groping kisses. "You brought this all on yourself, Clare-Bear." He sang, sickeningly calm. His hands caress my thighs and he begins to lift my shirt. "Stop it! Get off of me!" I scream, shrilly. "Shut up, Clare!" He yelled back. He pulls my shirt over my head in one swift motion. I wept bitter tears as if my life depended on it. "Don't take this from me..."I beg

"Quiet, Clare. Just let me have this one thing, okay? I'll take you to dinner after, or something, okay? It'll be fine." He whispered against my neck. He stood up, keeping one knee firmly over my lap and one hand on my shoulder to hold me down. He's unzipping his pants. I struggle and try to throw his hand off me, but he's much too strong. He drops his pants to his knees, leaving him in just his boxers.

When Eli realized I almost escape, he straddles me again, with his...thing pressing uncomfortably against my middle. He climbs totally on me, forcing me to lie down. I slam my fist on his back and bite his shoulder and try everything to get him to stop. He grabs my hands and pins them to my side, "Stop." He seethes, "Stop, I want this. Just stop, okay?" He says. His eyes are pleading, like a puppy's, but they only remind him of the sick monster he is.

"I-I thought you loved me..." I mustered the last words I cared to say, knowing there was no stopping him. He freezes and climbs off me, "I do love you...how can you even say I don't?" He asks, tears forming in his eyes. "Look what you're trying to do!" I scream with sudden rage.

He's taken aback, I can tell. "Y-You can go. Go home. Go." He whispers, looking ashamed. I pull my shirt on, grab my bag and run all the way home.

* * *

**Okay. Honestly, honestly, I was extremely hesitant writing this, as I am with every single thing I write for this story. Then, I told myself, 'this is a messed up story! I need to write messed up things in it!" So I did.**

**O:)**

**-NJCD**


	7. Chapter 7

I manage to avoid Eli all day at school. It's lunch right now, and Adam and I are eating lunch on the roof. "So...you and Eli are over?" He asked. I shrug, "I think so. I don't know. I hope we are..." Adam looks up, "Speak of the Devil..." I look up, dreading what I expect to see. "Can we talk?" Eli croaks. His eyes are bloodshot and his face is pale.

"No. Go away." Adam shifted, "Maybe you guys should...I'll give you guys some privacy..." Adam mutters. I turn to him and watch speechlessly as he scrambles away, "Talk, okay? Work thing out." He says. I close my eyes, "Go away, Eli." He kneels down, "I'm sorry." He whispers, "I'm really, really sorry. I don't know what came over me...some kind of sick, animal. I'm sorry. And...if you need a break, you can have one. I shouldn't have-have-" By now, tears are pouring down his face, "I took advantage of you...I shouldn't have even attempted what I did. If you hate me, I understand..."

I can feel compassion. "I just need you to know, I never meant to hurt you. I went crazy; I am crazy, I know that. I just want you to know how sorry I am, even though I can never express that fully. And if you never wanna talk to me again, I will understand. If you want me dead, I understand; I want me dead too. And if you never forgive me, I understand. I won't ever forgive me either. I'm losing an amazing girl. Just...whoever is the next guy your with...tell him how lucky he is..."

He turns away to leave, but turns back,"If you wanna talk...I'll be on the steps after school...I don't expect you to come..."


	8. Chapter 8

**Another filler chapter :D Yeah, this story takes a...interesting turn...  
**  
_**-NJCD**_

I end up walking to the steps after school. I can see Eli sitting there, on the small stone wall bordering the steps. One of his knees are up and the other leg is flat. He had his fedora over his head, shielding his eyes from the sun. I take a deep breath and walk over to him, "Hi..." I whisper. He shifts a little, "Hey, Clare..." I move my weight from one foot to another, "Do you still wanna talk?" I ask.

"Yeah...but not here..." He mutters sitting up. I sit in front of him, "I love you, Eli. But...the way you've been acting...it's scary..." He smiles sadly and stares at his lap, where he had placed the fedora, "I know. I just love you so much. It's hard to control myself. You being so amazing and everything...it's sickening what it does to me. It turns me into an animal, I know. But I went to see someone, and I got these." He reaches in his bag and shows me a bottle of pills.

"W-What are those?" I stammer. He turns the bottle around in his hand, "Lithium. It's a mood stabilizer. I went to see a therapist and she prescribed them to me. I told her about how I've been acting. I'm trying so hard to get better. I really love you Clare. I'm _in love _with you and I want another chance. I just want to wait a couple weeks until these," He holds up the pills, "Start to take affect." I smile and take the hand that's not holding the pills, "I'll wait for you." I kiss his cheek and walk away feeling happier then I can ever remember.

**Eli's POV:**

I watch Clare walk away, feeling triumph. She fell for my act. Bull that I'm seeing a therapist. Bull that these are even real pills I think while looking at them. They are simply sugar pills. She's so gullible. This will be good. My plan will work. I'll act calm and kind until she gets really attached to me. Even if I act horrible to her, she won't leave me. By then, she'll be too head over heels for me, as I am for her, she wouldn't leave my side. Or, if she has the guts to try, I won't let her. We'll always be together. It's all part of my plan.


	9. Chapter 9

It's been a little over 2 weeks since I told Clare I began taking Lithium. In reality, they were simply sugar pills. Placebos. Fake. I'm laying in my bed, smiling, know another phase of my plan will soon take affect. I will have Clare. I smirk and sigh contently. A fist taps on my door and it creaks open. "Eli, honey, why don't you go to bed already? It's 11 o' clock. Get some sleep, okay, baby boy? Good luck on talking to Clare tomorrow. I know how much you care about her."

I smile and nod at my mom, "Okay, Cece, goodnight." She turns off the light and closes the door. I turn over and close my eyes, excited for tomorrow.

"Eli!" I put on my 'calm mask' and turn around. Clare's walking over to me, "Hey...how are you feeling?" I smile brightly, " A lot better. I've never felt better." I say. "Are the-the pills working?" She asks. I nod, "I think so. I feel so much better. Hey, if you...if you can't be with me, you know, I don't wanna pressure you. I've done some real fuc-messed up things lately. And if you can't be with me beca-" She cuts me off by pressing her lips to mine, "I love you, Eli. I want you. I'm so glad you're getting help."

"Clare..." I whisper and reach into my pocket, pulling out a ring, "C-Can we be together...forever...I'm in love with you and I'm getting help and I'm on Lithium. I'm better now." I hold the promise ring up hesitantly, "If you don't want it...I'll understand...I just wanted to make an offer. I don't know. Just being with you is enough. I just...never mind." I stare down at my feet blushing, falsely.

"I want it, Eli. I want you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, so Eli and Clare are in the same grade and the next chapter will be after they've graduated when they moved away from Toronto.**

**-NJCD**

* * *

"I love you..." I whispered to Eli. "I love you more...I-I'm sorry...I'm really tired." He muttered. His arm was draped around my waist and we were lying in my bed. "It's okay...long day. Be more careful, okay?" I ask, remember the fall Eli had gotten hurt during PE. I hadn't been there, though. In class, I had seem him walk by with a bloody nose, escorted by a teacher. He had been playing basketball in the gym and, while chasing the ball, ran into the pole supporting the hoop. I had thought he had gotten into a fight, but he explained it when he saw me after school.

As of right now, we're lying in my bed after an intense make out session. "Eli?" I whisper. "Hmmm...?" Hums Eli. "Are you excited for NYU?" He smirked, "Yeah. I just don't want to leave you." He whispered. "Well stay in touch. Maybe I'll come to New York, too." I said. "No. You were going to go to school here...you-you wanted to stay here. I can't take that from you." I shrugged, or tried to, which was hard, considering I was laying down, "I don't need school now...I can hold off and be with you. College can wait." He sat up and buried his face in his hands, "I-I'm sorry. I-I can't...Both choices suck...If you come to New York with me, you won't see your family a-and you won't get a chance at school. If you don't come...we won't see each other."

I rubbed Eli's back, "Yeah...but...we'll call and text and..." I trailed off. Eli was shaking and close to bawling, "I'm sorry. I'm such a bad boyfreind." I hugged him tightly, "You're not. You're amazing. I'm coming to New York with you." He breathed deeply out his nose, "Sleep on it. We-We can talk in the morning."

**Eli's POV:**

"Sleep on it. We-We can talk in the morning." I lay back down and wrapped my arms around her, smirking.


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter is set months later when Eli and Clare are in New York.  
Please review.**

**-NJCD**

* * *

"Okay, class, you're dismissed." Mr. Petersen announced. I gather my things and, before leaving class, talk to Mr. Peterson about the assignment he gave us. I lost track of time and after 45 minutes, we said our goodbyes and I drove through the battling until I got at the apartment Eli had got for us I got into a local community college in New York studying Journalism, while Eli was at NYU for the same thing. I walk through the door and see Eli immediately.

He turns to me, "Where have you been?" He asked, sounding rather angry. "I-I was talking to my professor about class..." I said. He walks over, "Yeah? Well, why didn't you call or send a text or something?!" He nearly yelled. I flinch and put my head down, "I-I-I lost track of time...I just meant to ask him a question, but-" He cuts me off with a slap to the face. I gasp and cover my cheek, cowering farther away from him. I feel him grab my hair and pull me from the floor, "Get up!"

"Come with me." He demanded, dragging me to the bed room. "E-Eli..." I whispered, still covering my cheek. He ignores me and slams me against the door so it closes. "Eli, stop...I'm sorry." I whimper. He ignores me and starts touching me all over. I cringe ever time he touches me and kisses me. "E-Eli, stop!" I cry. He ignores me and cuts my shirt off with a knife that I didn't realize he had. I freeze and close my eyes, wishing Eli would stop and apologize like last time.

He forces his hands under my bra and roughly gropes my breasts. Tears roll down my face, but Eli kisses them away, "Stop crying...I hate to see you cry..." He whispered and started to unclip my bra. I flailed my arms and tried to yell, but once Eli got my bra off he covered my mouth with his palm, "Quiet!" He yelled, "Now, wrap your legs around me." He said.I shook my head. He sighed and picked me up, slamming me on the bed. He quickly pulls of his shirt and climbs on top of me. He's on his knees, which are on either side of me and starts to unbutton his pants. "No, stop it!" I scream as loud as I can.

He smirks, "Don't you get it Clare...? This is how things will be now..."He manages to slide his pants down just enough for him to put on a condom. I clench my legs together tightly, but Eli yanks them apart and pulls my shorts down to my knees. I look away as he positions his...thing...and shoves it inside me. A ripping pain spreads down there. I feel like I'm going to burst. I've never had sex and wasn't planning to for a long time. I'm not at all prepared.

Suddenly, everything feels hot...like a fever. My lower body feels like it's on fire as Eli pushes in and out. Each thrust is harder then the other, bringing on a whole new level of pain. "Yell my name." He seethes. I can hardly hear him; I'm sobbing too hard. "Yell," He pushes into me harder, "My," Harder, "Name!" He screams, menacingly. He pushes with all his might and I scream his name, out of pain, not pleasure, "Eli!" I scream. I can just see him smirking though my tear clouded eyes.

"Cum for me, Clare." He moans. I sob louder. _Cum for him? Cum for him?! He does this to me and he expects me to do...that? _It seems to go on forever, what he's doing and finally, he grunts, and collapses on me. I muster up all my strength and growl, "I hate you." He chuckles, "No you don't." He pulls out, reveling me of the tight, pulsing pain and climbs off me, walking to the bathroom. I think back to the past 2 months. We'd both been going to school. Eli's been taking his meds...everything was good. I'm still sobbing on the bed when I hear bath water running. I sit up a little and can see blood leaking out from between my legs.

When I hear Eli coming back in the room, I pull the sheets over my body. "Get off the bed, you're getting it bloody!" He yells. I jump off the bed and stand with the sheet wrapped around my shoulders, shaking. "Go take a bath. Clean yourself up." He says. I nod and rush to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I hear a slight knock on the door once I had settled into the bathroom. Eli walks in with a folded towel, a set of my clothes and some blush. "Cover up your cheek, were going out tonight." He says.

He leaves the bathroom and I manage to clean myself up and stop the bleeding. I get dressed and hesitantly come out, "E-Eli?" He comes into the bedroom, "we're going to the park. To have a picnic." He smirks and holds out his hand for he. I bite my lip and take his hand, struggling to walk due to the throbbing pain between my legs. "Adam's going to meet us there." Eli mentions. I nod, "O-Okay." We climb into the 2002 Toyota (Eli's car) and drive to the local park.

We could already see Adam sitting on a checkered blanket. He waved to us and we walked over. I ignored the pain between my legs and walked as normally as I could. We sit next to Adam and the boys begin to chat, talking about everything. Adam must've been visiting or New York or something, because he still lives in Toronto. "What, no hug?" I snap out of my thoughts and look up and Adam. He leans forward and wraps his arms around me. I can see Eli frowning because of the contact. I release Adam, "H-How have you been? What are you doing down here?"

"I wanted to see my 2 best friends!"Eli smirks, "We're glad you came, aren't we Blue-Eyes?" I nod, "It's nice to see someone I know. I haven't really made any friends here." Adam shrugs, "Well, I've missed you guys, too. I should've applied to NYU." Eli shrugs, "It's fine. We'll have to Skype more often." I zone out replaying the horrific events that occurred before this. The boys continue to talk while I stay silent and stare at the blanket. "Clare, are you okay?" I look up at Adam, who looks worried. I glance at Eli, who's giving me a threatening look.

"Yeah. I-I think I'm coming down with something..." I lie. Eli relaxes a little and so do I. "Well, you guys could go home...I could come down another time if your not feeling good." He offers. The thought of having to go back so soon and be...alone...with Eli, "No!" I cry too loudly. Adam raises his eyebrows. "I think what Clare means is that you came all the way down here...we should hang out. Right, Blue-Eyes?" I nod and offer a, hopefully, convincing smile.

Adam nods. Suddenly, his head snaps at a jingling noise, "An ice cream truck!" Eli laughs, "Does someone want icecream?" He teases. Adam blushes, "I-I like icecream..." Eli stands up, "I'll get us some." He jobs over to it, leaving Adam and I alone. "Are you really okay, Clare? You don't look well at all..." I nod, "Things are just hard, I guess. Nothing I can't handle." I assure.

"How serious are you and Eli? Sorry, just wondering..." I shrug, "He has some issues he needs to work out." "Who has issues?" Eli asks from behind me. I jump in surprise, "U-Uh.." "Drew. He's crazy over Bianca, but he can't see she's bad for him." Adam shakes his head upset-like "She's a nice girl and all, but she's been in so many abusive relationships. She needs to talk to someone."

Eli shakes his head and sits down, "Abusive relationships don't mess anyone up, they keep couples together." Adam and I both gawk. Eli hands us our icecream, "What? I'm just saying...the girl needs to know who's in charge." I give Eli a smack on the arm, "That's not true!" I shoot back. "You're right. I'm sorry..." He mutters and moves his hand across my back, twisting the skin, as punishment for talking back, I assume.


	12. Chapter 12

When the picnic with Adam had ended, Eli and I drove home. I didn't say a word to him during the car ride and ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom when we arrived. "Clare!" Eli yelled. He pounded on the door, "Get out here!" He screamed. I wiped my tears and hesitantly unlocked the door to see a fuming Eli. He grabs my wrists and yanks me out, "What's your problem?" He demands. "I-I d-d-d-didn't want t-to do that earlier." I whispered. He smirked, "Yeah, well, I did. I had fun. That's how things are gonna be now, okay?" He says. I whimper at him, "W-Why...?"

"Because...you're mine, Clare. And I don't really want you going to school anymore, okay? Tomorrow, you're going to drop out." He stated. I look down at my bruising wrist that he still had a tight grip on. "Okay, Clare?" He repeats. I look up and see a disturbing look in his usually green eyes. They were nearly black and were full of dictatorship. I nod, "But...why?" I asks. His eyes quickly grow darker and he shoves me to the floor, "Because I own you!" He screams shrilly.

I feel his boot connect with my side hardly. "Okay! I'll drop out!" I yell. He stops. Completely freezes, "Okay...good." I push myself up and look into his eyes. They're normal again. Back to their beautiful emerald green color, "Thank you." He whispers and holds a hand out to help me up. I hesitantly take it and stand up. "Go to bed." He says. I nod and rush upstairs, diving under the bed, immediately bursting into tears.

Eli didn't come up to bed until I had fallen asleep. When I woke up, I sulked downstairs, still soar from yesterday, knowing I have to drop out of school today. What will my parents think? "Clare!" I walk into the kitchen and see Eli. He places his cellphone down, "I was talking to your parents." He says. I don't say anything. "I explained that you've been stressed and needed a break from school. I told them you were afraid to tell them. They understand." My lip trembles, "But...why? Why are you doing this to me?" I asked.

He shrugs, "I don't want you to stress over school. Just relax at home. I got a job downtown, so I should be getting home around 7:00, okay? I expect you to be here and the house to be clean. Understand, Blue Eyes?" I nod, once, twice and don't stop until he turns away a moment later. I look around the house and see that it has gotten a tad messy. "Clare? I'm leaving now." I nod. He walks over and leans in to kiss me but I turn away, disgusted by the him. "What are you doing, Blue Eyes?!" He demands. I blink away tears and turn to kiss him, hoping he won't hit me.

Luckily he doesn't. Just kisses me and leaves. I think I'm starting to get to know this new Eli. He's mean and when he's mad, he calls me 'Blue Eyes'. That thought makes me cry. Not that he's mean, that he calls me Blue Eyes in spite of his anger. I thought Blue Eyes was a good nickname, but I guess I was wrong. About everything. This isn't the Eli I know. Not at all.

I clean the house quickly and watch TV for a while. I took a nap and went to do some grocery shopping. When I get home, I cry for hours on end. How could Eli take my virginity like that? How could he have changed like that? Did it have something to do with the car accident in Morty? Once I gathered myself, I took at bath and scrubbed at my filthy body for hours. Once it's 6:30, I go into the bedroom and cry some more. "Clare!" I hear Eli scream from downstairs, around 7:15. I sit up just to see him walk in. His eyes a dark, "Hey, Blue Eyes."

"H-Hi, Eli." I stammer. "Come here." He says, but comes to me instead, climbing on top of me. I just lay there, not even trying to stop him. He undresses both of us, harshly shoves himself into me, even though I wasn't fighting. I scream at the pain, it being just as bad as before, perhaps even worse. He ignores me and moves in and out of me. "E-E-Eli...are you w-w-wearing a-a con-condom?" I ask through the thrust. He ignores me and continues forcing himself deeper into me. "Eli!" I yell, realizing he must not be.

He stops and screams at me, "What the hell do you want?!" I flinch and burst into tears, "Why are you so-" He cuts me off by beginning to thrust again. I scream and claw at his back. By now, I'm sure he's not wearing a condom. "Please stop..." I whimper. He doesn't. I feel a hot, thick liquid flood my insides. I burst into more tears and start hitting Eli with closed fists. I manage to get him out and off of me. I hit him enough and he falls onto the floor.

"What's your problem?!" He yells, climbing to his feet. "What if I get pregnant?" I ask. He shrugs, "I don't care! Then we have a kid, what the hell do you expect?" I wipe my tears furiously and look down to see a mixture of white and red leaking from my legs. "You'd better hope to Hell I'm not pregnant." I seethe and flee to the bathroom. I run the water and sit in it, letting Eli yell all he wants through the door.


	13. Chapter 13

**Very short chapter. Has anyone noticed the new format for the website? I don't like it :'(**

**-NJCD  
**

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"Clare!" I could hear Eli calling through the door once morning had arrived. I slept in the bathroom, crying and having nightmares about the last two nights. He pounded on the door for a few minutes, then got tired and left for school. Once I was sure he was gone, I went downstairs and ate some food, got a blanket and pillow and went back to the bathroom. Eli got home at exactly 7. I heard him walking around the apartment, then he stopped at the locked bathroom. He knocked lightly, then tried to open it when I didn't answer. Luckily, the door was locked.

"Clare...can we talk?" He sounded unbelievably sad and depressed. I stood up and made my way to the door. Upon opening it, I could see tears falling down Eli's face. His eyes were bloodshot and had rings under them. He wraps his arms around me and sobs into my shoulders. He doesn't say anything, just cries. I wrap my arms around him, "W-What's wrong?" I ask. "M-M-M-My d-dad...he d-d-died. A-A...car accident..." He says between sobs. "It's okay, Eli." I whisper. He shakes his head, "No...he's dead. I-I'm flying out this weekend for his funeral and the reading of his will."

I nod, "That's good. Everything will be okay." I whisper. He stiffens and pulls away, "Excuse me?" His eyes darken, "E-Everything will be okay..." I stammer. He slaps me hard with the back of his hand. I fall to the ground. The hits don't stop there. He kicks me and screams, shrilly, "Nothing will be okay! Nothing! My dad is dead!" I try to stop him or roll away, but the room soon fades and everything goes black.

XxX

I wake up in the bathtub. My middle hurts; I figure Eli had his way with me several times while I was out. I sit up and see the bathtub about a centimeter full of blood. I sit up, groaning at all the pain my body was in. Tears slid down my face when I saw all the bruises covering my abdomen and between my legs. I climb out of the bathtub, only to get back in. I turn the shower on and stand there in the water until I'm not covered in blood.

I limp to the bedroom and pull my clothes on, discovering all of Eli's are gone. He must've went to Toronto for Bullfrog's funeral. I pull on my clothes and curl on the bed, shivering and crying. I see my phone, buzzing. I reach for it and gap at the date. It's been 6 days since Eli's dad died. I dial his number. "Hey, you've reached Eli. Leave a message and I'll get back to you."

I hang up without leaving a message and call Adam. "Hello?" I sniff, "A-Adam..where's Eli?" He sighs, "He won't leave Bullfrog's grave. He's just been sitting there for days, Clare." My lips tremble, "Why?" Adam doesn't answer for a moment, "He's upset about his death. Ya'know, Bullfrog left Eli a lot in his will. And Eli feels guilty because they weren't getting along. They hadn't spoken since Eli came to NYU." I nod, forgetting Adam can't see me, "O-Okay. Thanks Adam, bye." I hang up and curl up in bed again.

I don't know how long I lay in bed. Until Eli got home I suppose. He came home after 4 days and didn't say anything. When he came home, I was still in bed. He just started unpacking. "E-Eli?" I whisper, "Are you okay?" He doesn't answer, just finishes unpacking and sits down. I crawl over to him, "Do you wanna talk about it?" I ask. He shakes his head, "N-No." Tears slide down his face. I wrap my arms around him tightly. He doesn't react. "Clare?" He whispers.

"Yeah?" He pulls away, "You're...you're probably pregnant." He mutters. I sigh, "I know..." We don't talk for a while. After a few minutes, I muster up all my courage and say, "We-We should a-abort it." He whips around and glares at me, "What?" He demands. "I-I want t-t-to, uhh, a-abort it..." He stands up, "No! We're not aborting my child!" He screams. I tremble, "We can't raise a child...you're unstable..." He doesn't answer, just sinks to the ground and cries on the floor.


	14. Chapter 14

"Sebastian!" I called. It had been 4 1/2 years since Eli and I moved to New York together. We had a son 9 months after he raped me. Things had been tough, I admit. My Mom hadn't at all approved that Eli and I had sex before marriage, but her and Glen came happily to see and welcome Sebastian into this world. Eli chose Sebastian's name because it was from some Shakespeare play.

Sebastian came running to me, smiling and jumping up, hugging my leg. "Mom, mom!" Sebastian chanted. I bent down and hugged him. "Momma, look." He pushed away and ran to a small table. He waved his hands clumsily, motioning me to come. I followed after him and he showed me a picture that he must've drawn. It had me and him holding hands.

"Honey, this is excellent!" I praised. He blushed a little, just like I did whenever Eli used to compliment me. I picked him up and carried him to the car, thanking the attendant on the way out. After buckling Sebastian, we drive home, listening to one of his CD's. Cece had got him a whole collection of nursery rhymes and other songs.

I twirled the ring on my finger. It was my wedding ring. A year after I'd given birth, Eli said we were getting married. There was no arguing, it just was. The money that bullfrog left us lasted a few years, and we saved what money Eli made from his job. We occasionally got along. Sometimes he would take me to the movies or out on a date and not hit me for days. But it was rare. "Mom!" I sighed and rushed upstairs. We had moved to a bigger house in a different district closer to Eli's school, so we had enough room for all of us.

"Yes sweetie?" I ask. He holds out a book and gives me a cute look. I smile and sit to read it to him. It's one of those books with different textures, so I let him take hold of the book and touch every page. After reading a few more books, we hear Eli's car pull into the driveway. "Daddy's home!" Sebastian yells, running downstairs. I follow him and see Eli walk in. Sebastian runs and hugs Eli's legs. "Get off me!" Eli kicks his legs and Sebastian falls to the floor. Eli storms past him and upstairs. Sebastian immediately began crying.**  
**

"Shh, honey. It's okay. Daddy probably had a bad day, that's all." He nods sadly. "Go watch TV." He nods and runs off. A second later, I hear Elmo come on. I sigh and walk upstairs. I find Eli in our bedroom, tugging off his work clothes. "Eli, you can't yell at him like that!" I whisper-yell. He sighs, "Shut up, Clare. Just shut the fuck up." He growls. I sigh, "Fine. I'm done." and start to leave.

I clean my tears and sulk down the stairs. Sebastian was standing on the counter, reaching on top of the refrigerator. "Sab, what are you doing?" I ask, grabbing him and setting him on the floor. He pointed up, "The cereal."

"We're gonna have dinner soon." He sighed like his father often did and ran off. As he ran down the hall, I heard him stop. "What'cha running for, little guy?" I heard Eli say cheerfully. "Come here, I got you something." I saw Eli and Sebastian walk to the front door. Eli handed him a bag. I walked over, "What did Daddy get you?" I asked Sebastian. He sat down and pulled a teddy bear out of the bag. He turned to me, "Momma, look." I picked it up, "Wow, honey. What do you say?" Instead of thanking Eli, he hugged him.

I smiled, "Why don't you put in on your bed?" He pulled away and reached in the bag, revealing a nightlight. I smile, "Go plug it in." He runs upstairs, dragging the bear and holding the nightlight. "What was that for?" I asked Eli. "I don't want you to hate me anymore." Eli admitted. I sigh, "You're so confusing."

He looks upset for a moment, then sighs, "I know. I'm sorry." I lean against the door, "What are you trying to tell me?" I ask. "I'm not going to hurt you anymore." He says. I rub one of the bruises on my wrist, "Really?" He nods, "It's over." I bite my lip, "Okay. I'm gonna see if Sebastian needs help with the nightlight." Eli doesn't say anything as I rush upstairs. I see Sab in his room, "Mom, wanna have a tea party with me and Mr. Teddies?" I laugh, "Sure." I sit down and he pretends to pour tea. We drink the pretend tea and then go downstairs when Eli calls us down for dinner. We have macaroni casserole that Eli hands out.

"Hey, Sebastian?" Eli asks. He looks up. "After dinner, I want you to go straight to bed. You're not in trouble, I just want to talk to mommy, okay." He nods, but looks sad. When we finish, I go to do the dishes. I hear Eli walking up behind me, and I half expect for him to touch me like he always does when I try to do the dishes. He, instead, rest his chin on my head and wraps his arm around my waist. "H-Hey, Eli..." I whisper.

"Don't worry. I won't do anything you don't want. That's over." I don't say anything, just finish the dishes and put them on the strainer. "I-I'm gonna go upstairs...to tuck Sebastian in." I stammer. He grabs my by the wrist, "I already did." I flinch at his familiar grip and pull away, "Stop." I whisper. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He whispers back. I turn to him, "What do you want?" He sighs, "I just want to try something..." Eli cups my cheek and leans in. I manage to get a glance at his eyes. They were bright and calm. I lean forward and kiss him.

The kiss felt weird. It wasn't forced, drunk or sloppy. It was gentle and offering. I wrapped my arms around him and deepened the kiss, loving this foreign feeling. It's been years since Eli took this gentleness with me. Sex was never fun for me, and neither was kissing or hugging. Any kiss was forced and any hug he gave me was either bone crushing or included groping in some way. But this...this was amazing. Electricity seemed to bolt through us. It was our first kiss all over again.

He pulls away, "Let's go to bed." He takes my hands and leads me to the bedroom. After changing into pajamas, we climb in bed and start to fall asleep. "Clare?" I hear. "Hmm?" He sits up, "I'm sorry. For all I've done to you." I bite my lip, "I know you are. Go to sleep." He sighs and lies back down. We lay in silence for a few minutes. I place my hands on my stomach and sigh. "Eli...I think you-you got me pregnant again." I whisper. He sits up, "You're pregnant?!" He cries.

My lip trembles, "I think so. I-I'm sorry..." I whisper. His eyes soften, "It's not your fault. I probably forgot to use a condom." He mutters. "I don't know yet. I wanted to get a test..." "And you didn't tell me?" He turns on the light. His eyes are dark. "I'm telling you now." I growl. He turns away, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "Okay...wow..." I reach for his hand, beginning to trust him. He weaves his fingers within my hands and strokes my the dorsum of my hand with his thumb. "What do you think Sebastian will think?" I asked. He bit his lip, "Maybe he'll be glad to have a little sibling." I shrugged.

"Clare?" Eli asked. "Hmm...?" He sighed, "I'm sorry." I don't answer. "Clare?" I turn to him, "Yeah?" He shakes his head, "Nevermind.", and lays down. I sigh, "I don't...everything is messed up." I muttered. "What do you-" "Leave me alone." I said and turned over to sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Well, new chapter! I haven't been getting many reveiws and that's probably because I totally changed the plot from Eli being confused on the whole Julia-Clare thing to the abusive plot. Idk why. Lolz. Please leave a review, it means the world to me.**

**-NJCD**

* * *

"Clare..." I whisper. She stirs slightly. "Cla-air!" I groan, annoyed. Her eyes flutter open, "Eli?" She sits up, "What's going on?" I kiss her forehead, knowing she may not completely trust me. "Come up, I wanna try something." She climbs out of bed, "What is it?" I carefully hold her shoulders and turn her to face the wall. "Fall back." I whisper. Clare turns her head, "What?" I hold my arms out, "Fall back. I'll catch you. I want you to trust me." She bites her lip, closes her eyes and starts to fall back.

I catch her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She giggles and I bury my face in her neck, kissing it with an open mouth. "Eli, Eli, stop!" She cries, playfully. I smile and turn her around, "See? You can trust me." I assure, "But can I trust you?" She raises her eyebrows. "Catch me." I say. She smirks, "Fine." I stand where she was standing, close my eyes and start to fall. "Eli!" She laughs when I hit the ground. I pull myself up and turn toward her accusingly, "You didn't catch me!" I cry. "You fell forward!" She laughs.

I smirk, "And...?" She wraps her arms around my neck, "I like this..." She says, probably referring to the 'new' me. Or maybe it would be the old me. I press my lips against hers, lovingly. Not forceful. Offering. She obliges happily. I pull away, "Come on, I made breakfast." I smile at Sebastian, who's sitting at the table. We sit down to eat. I watch Clare and Sab eat their pancakes and then their bacon. When we all finish, I take Sebastian upstairs to clean up. Afterwards, I walk back downstairs.

Clare's doing the dishes. I sneak up behind her and wrap my arms around her. She drops the plate, but picks it up and continues to wash it. I move her hair to the side and suck on her neck, occasionally biting, careful not to hurt her. "Eli..." She moaned. That did it. My cock twitched and pushed against my pajama pants, making a tent. I released Clare and turned around, walking up the stairs, not wanting to break my promise.

"Eli?" I heard her call. I ignore go into the bathroom, weighing my options. Oh, how I want to bend Clare over the bed and- no. Bad though, Eli, bad thoughts. I made a promise to her! I can't break it. I can't lose her and Sab. But, why, oh why, did I tell her I'd stop? I don't want to! I love making her scream and cry. I smirk. My ways can't change. I love Clare, and I want her to be happy, but we can't _both _be happy, can we?"

"Eli, are you okay?" I look up at Clare, frowning, "I'm sorry." She knits her eyebrows together, "For what?" I sigh and move past her closing and locking the door. "For what I'm about to do..." I mutter, hating and loving what I'm feeling.


	16. Chapter 16

**I know this story has gotten worse, but please continue to read.**

* * *

"What do you mean?" She glanced nervously at the door, looking scared. I grab her hair and force her to bend over the toilet. She cries out as I rip her pants down and shove myself inside her. Clare screams in pain; I'm being rougher then usual. I thrust in and pout for a few minutes, with Clare crying out in pain. "Mommy!" We hear. I give a harder thrust, making her scream shrilly. "Mommy!" Sebastian pounds on the door and tries to open it, "Mommy, mommy!" "I hate you..." Eli chokes out, "You're involving Sebastian in this."

"Answer him." I seethe. "M-Mommy's okay...go to your room, Sab..." Clare stammers. Sebastian continues to pound on the door, screaming for his mom. When I finish, I push Clare to the ground and clean myself off. She pulls her shorts up and limps to unlock the door. Sebastian is sitting in the hall, bawling. Clare, also crying, huddles by Sebastian and keeps telling him everything will be alright. They're still crying as I walk away.

**Clare's POV:**

"M-Mommy, what happened?" Sebastian asked. "Umm...nothing, honey. I'm okay, see?" He nods, but I can tell he doesn't believe me. "Where the boo-boo?" I don't answer him. Sab climbs on my sore lap and kisses my cheek. He rest his head on my chest and closes his eyes, "All better..." All's silent until, "I'm going out!" We hear Eli yell. The front door slams. I immediately get up, "Come on, Sab, get you things together. We're going out." I pick him up and heard him to his room, pulling out his little spider man suitcase. I open his dresser, "Put your clothes and anything important in here!" I demand, rushing to my room. I throw some clothes, my electronics and some photos into my suitcase. I grab Sebastian's hand and pull him downstairs. I open the front door only to see Eli standing there with his arms crossed.

"And where, may I ask, are you two going with those suitcases?" I freeze, "W-We we-we-we're g-g-going to..." He cuts me off by forcing us inside. He grabs Sebastian and throws him over his shoulder and places him in front of Eli's desktop, "Listen to some music, okay?" He gives Sab his headphones and closes the door to that room. Eli storms back to me, "You thought you could just...just leave me?!" He cries. He gets a tight hold on my hair and drags me down to the basement. "I-I'm sorry...I won't leave...please don't hurt me..." I beg. He gives a crazy laugh and shoves me down. I feel my head hit something hard...cement...and everything begins to fade. The last thing I see is Eli undoing his belt.

.X.x.X.

When I wake up, everything is sore. I'm in the bathtub, in another inch deep mixture of water and blood. I was sick of this. I was sick of everything. I can't even move. My tears begin to mix with the bloody bathwater. Do other women suffer this way? Do other women bathe in their own blood?


	17. Chapter 17

When I woke up again, I was able to move. I washed my self off, cried for a few hours and went downstairs. I was ready to end it with Eli. I stopped and lifted up the couch cushions, pulling out a stack of papers. I had got them a while ago, and only now I have the courage to use them. Divorce papers. I took a deep breath and strode down where I knew Eli would be. I saw him crawling on the floor with Sebastian on his back. "Faster Dada, faster!" He squealed He tugged on Eli's hair. Eli threw him body up and clawed the air, like a horse, making a horse-like sound. He landed back on his hand and took off for another run around the room.

"Shtap, horsey, stap!" Sab laughed. Eli stopped and lowered Sebastian to the ground next to a little fort. Eli waited, still not noticing me, until Sebastian came out holding a little princess doll and jumper onto his dad, "Ride horsey!" Eli took Sebastian to the couch and lowered him to the floor. Eli put on a homemade paper crown and sat on a chair. "I save your baby." Sab holds out the doll by it's foot. Eli takes it, "Thank you, noble prince, you have served the kingdom well." Eli says and hands him a lollipop. Sebastian snatches it and immediately opens it and starts licking it.

Tears rolled down my eyes. This was the Eli I love. I drop the papers in the trashcan, "Hi, honey!" I say cheerfully. "Momma!" He runs up to me and hugs my legs, "I saved the baby!" I bent down and hugged Sab, despite the pain all over. Eli stands up and walks over to me, "Hey. You're awake..." He smiles and plants his lips gently on mine for a second. When he pulls away, he says, "Me and Sebastian were playing 'rescue the princess'." He smirks.

"Were you really? Or did you just hear me get up?" I ask, crossing my arms. He scoffs, "We've been playing for nearly an hour! This kid is hyper as sh-" "Eli!" He laughs, and Sebastian starts laughing too. "Peww!" Sab yells, aiming his fingers, like a gun, at Eli. Eli freezes, looking horrified. He clutches his heart and starts coughing. Collapsing to the ground, he falls, lifelessly. "Dad!" Sebastian cries. He bends down and shakes him. He shakes him more. He hugs him. He pushes the lollipop into his mouth. Eli sits up laughing. Sab reaches for the lollipop and runs off.

I hug Eli. He hugs me back and I don't let go. "Clare, we ca-" "No, I rarely get to see this side of you. I'm not letting go." I whisper. He sighs and wraps his arms around me once again. I breathe in his smell and finally pull away. He starts to move away, but I hug him again, "Don't go..." I whisper. He didn't say anything, just hugged me back. "You've been asleep for 4 days." He mutters. I don't answer. Being asleep that long isn't uncommon for me. I inhale deeply again, loving Eli's cologne. I pull away from him, "Why can't you be nice like this all the time?" I ask. He takes a deep breath, "I honestly don't know. I'm trying. With Sab and all." He pulls away from me, "It's time for his bath." I nod and let Eli go.

-Later that night-

I was lying in bed, shivering under the covers. When Eli comes in he slides under the covers he wraps his arm around me but pulls it away, "You're naked." He whispered. "I figure I'd save you the trouble." I seethed, referring to what he did every night. "Don't feel like it tonight." He muttered and turned over without another word.


	18. Chapter 18

**Clare's POV:**

I wake up next to Eli. He's snoring contently and has his strong arms wrapped around my waist. "Eli..." I whisper, shaking him. He stirs but keeps his arm around. I scoot closer and inhale his scent. There's a hint of morning breath, but he smells mostly like his shampoo. "Eli..." I mutter, shaking him. He tightens his grip. "I have to check on Sebastian." I mutter. He doesn't respond.

I sigh and, after moments of pushing, manage to wriggle out of Eli's grip. "Come back..." Eli sighs. Since I haven't heard Sab crying or anything I crawl back under the covers. Eli spoons me and places his hands on my bare thighs, "You're so damn amazing." He whispers, kissing my neck, gently. I let him, closing my eyes, loving the feel of his body against mine. "Why are you so damn perfect?" He asks.

"I'm not." I whisper. He continues to plant long, open mouthed kisses on my neck. His hands move lower and grips my thighs. Eli moves even closer to me and massages me lovingly. I turn around and cup his face, slamming my lips into his. He kisses me as passionate as seemingly possible. I'm still naked from last night and I expect Eli will do what he wants with me now.

He doesn't. He doesn't remove any of his clothes, just continues to kiss me. I soon get frustrated and try to take of Eli's shirt. He let's me. I hear this voice inside of me...'_he's not going to hurt me. He's not gonna force me to do anything.' _ And I actually believe it. "Eli...make love to me..." I whisper. He ignores me and just continues to kiss me.

"Eli..." I beg. He disposes of his pants, but doesn't do anything more then kiss me. "Eli..." I moan when he finally begins to touch me, rubbing my clit with his thumb. Everything feels so right. Nothing is forced and Eli is going slow as ever. "I love you, Beautiful." He whispers. I wrap my arms around him and look at him with pleading eyes, This is the one time I want this and he sees that. He hovers over me and slowly pushes himself in. I moan loudly and press my lips against his bare chest. He waits a moment to let me adjust, but I guess realized I've unwillingly done this, so I need little time. He begins to move in and out and I'm immediately in a world of pleasure.

I lay my head on the pillow and close my eyes, letting Eli do all the work. I moan and run my hands up and down his chest. "Harder..." I plead. He grinds harder and I moan and feel myself climaxing. Eli's groans loudly and I can feel a hot liquid filling me inside. Filling me...Eli wasn't wearing a condom. "Eli!" I cry, "Condom!" I say, lamely. His face looks shocked. He narrows his eyes and appears to be thinking. He pulls out, silently, and sits next to me. A tear slides down his cheek. I sit up and scoot closer to him, "It's okay...we have money in the bank, don't we?"

"I keep messing up. I'm trying to be good. For you and Sab." He pulls up the sheet and wraps it around himself, crying into his knees. "It's okay. Don't you want another kid? Someone for Sebastian to play with?" He looks up, "You're not mad at me?" He whispers. I shake my head, "I don't care." I lay my head on his shoulder and hold his hand, "I love you." I whisper. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap. I turn around to straddle him. He smirks and presses his lips against mine, "I love you so much." He says.

He sucks and bites on my neck skin. I moan and trail my hands down to his thighs. He grabs my waist and gets rougher, kissing my neck with more force. "E-Eli..." I say. He pulls away, "Sorry, I , uh...sorry." He says. "Let's shower." I say.

We do so and get dressed. Sab is watching TV, Elmo. Eli sits next to him, "What's happening?" Sab points and mutters something incoherent about Elmo and Grover. I laugh and sit next to Eli. He takes my hand and kisses it. I hug him and watch Elmo until it's over. We drive Sab to daycare and come home.

"Eli? I love you..." I whisper, hugging him tightly. Once again, I don't want to let you. "I love you, darling."


	19. Chapter 19

"Daddy... You're...bleeding." Sab whispers. I roll my head up to look at him, "G-Go...watch Elmo..." I choke out, not wanting him to see me like this. "Dada, are you okay?" I try to sit up and shoo Sab away. I groan and fall back to the floor, landing in my blood. "Dad!" Sab yells, he bends down and hugs me. I close my eyes, "Go away now, son. You can't see this. I love you." He bends down, "Dad..." He sighed. I pushed him towards the door, "Go, Sebastian."

He turns and runs to the bathroom doorway, "Mommy!" He screams, "Help!" I groan and sit up trying to push Sab out the door. I can hear Clare coming up the stairs, "What is it, hon-" She sees me. She gasps, "Eli! What are-" She grabs a towel from the hook and rushes to me. I feel a deep pain in my arm as Clare wraps the towel around it. "Stop...let me die..." I beg. Clare's crying, so is Sab. She turns to him, "Go downstairs." She instructs.

Sab goes running and Clare presses the towel into my wrist. "Let me die." I growl through my teeth. Clare is crying hysterically, "Why would you say that?!" She screams. I lay my head on the edge of the bathtub and close my eyes. "Eli! Stay here, don't-don't-" She can't finish her sentence. "Mommy?" Clare turns to the door, "Sab...go wait downstairs..."

We are alone again. "Eli...Why would you do this to yourself?" She begs. Tears slide down my face, "I don't know...I just hate myself. You hate me, I'm sure Sab hates me..." She hugs me tightly, "No one hates you." I chuckle darkly, "Bull." She presses the towel harder against my arm. I cry out in pain, "What the hell, Clare?!" I scream. "Don't say I don't love you." She whispers, "I love you more then anything." I sigh, "I think the bleeding stopped."

She slowly removes the towel. It's red with blood. My arm's stopped so she finds some gauze and wraps it up. "Eli..." She hugs me again. I start to stand up, but she doesn't let me, "Tell me. What's wrong? Why are you so sad?" I sigh, "I don't even know." She lays her head on my numb shoulder and cries. "Stop it." I growl, "Don't fucking cry."

She wipes her tears, "I'm sorry...I can't lose you." I don't respond. She tries to hug me, but I push her away and storm out of the bathroom. "Eli?" Clare asks. I past Sab on the way down. He tries to stop me, but I shove him to the floor and go outside. I can hear Sebastian screaming inside and Clare trying to calm him. I sigh and go into the garage, lying on the carpet. A few minutes later, Clare comes out. She finds me and yells, "What the hell is your problem?!"

I look up and glare at her, "Excuse me?" She looks exasperated, "You've been amazing these past few weeks...but today...you just snapped. What's wrong with you?" I stand up and storm over to her, "Nothing is wrong with me. This family is stupid!" I scream. "No. You're crazy. You hurt your son. You're the stupid one."

I bit my lip, trying to control myself. I can't. I grab her by her hair and slam her face into my knee. She cries out and stumbles around, holding her bleeding nose. I grab her hair again and slam her into the wall, repeatedly. When I finally stop, I drop her onto the ground. She's crying and cradling her face. I smirk and make sure all the doors are closed. They are.

I bend over her and start to undo my pants. "E-Eli...why..." She whispers. I lean down and growl into her ear, "Because you're a dirty **slut **who deserves everything thing she gets." I pull off her pants and thrust inside of her, finishing what I've started. By the time I'm done, she's in so much pain, I have to carry her back inside. "Is mommy okay?" Sab whispers. I nod, "She's really tired. Mommy needs to sleep. Why don't you and I go out?"

He shakes his head, "You push-ed me." I sigh and go to put Clare in the room, locking her wrist to the bed rest with some handcuffs I'd bought off of eBay. She groans but doesn't wake up. I lock the door behind me and go down to see Sab playing by himself. "Hey, Buddy...can we talk?" He looks up, silently. "I'm sorry for hitting you. Me and Mommy were fighting. Were back to normal now. Let's go out, okay?"

"Icecream?" He looks hopeful. I smirk, "For sure. Go get dressed." He runs upstairs and comes down with a handful of clothes. He has a black t-shirt, some jeans and a flannel. I help him get dressed and we go off driving. We stop at the icecream parlor and go to the park.

"Higher! High-ya, daddy!" Sab yells, while swinging. I push him as high as he can go, and he starts freaking out. "Stop me, stop me!" I grab the swing and pull him out, "We done?" He nods. I carry him back to the car and take him home. He falls asleep and I have to carry him to bed. I kiss his forehead and go into my room. Clare's awake,"Let me go." She begs. I shake my head, "I'm good. I can run the whole household with you like this." She starts crying, "Why do you do this to me?" I shrug, "I don't know."

She struggles some more and breaks out into sobbing. I sigh and pull the key out of my pocket. I hold her body down and unlock the handcuffs. She immediately rubs her wrist, which are red. She looks up at me with watery eyes. I sigh and climb off her, "If you leave, I'm killing Sab. If you take him with you, I'll find him." She looks horrified, but nods. I close my eyes for a few minutes. When I open them, Clare is still there. I smirk. I have her wrapped around my finger.


	20. Chapter 20

I was awakened early by Eli, "Get your ass out of bed." He growls. I rub my eyes and follow him to the bathroom. "What the hell is this?" He holds up a stick. My test. My pregnancy test. My **positive **pregnancy test. "I-It's a pregnancy test..." I whisper. He raises one eyebrow, "Why didn't you tell me?" He seethes. "I...I don't-" "It's mine, right?" I gap at him, "You're the only man I've been with! Yes, it's yours!" I cry. He pushes me into the wall, "Then why wouldn't you tell me? When did you take this?"

"Y-Yesterday..." I whisper. He looks at the test again and sighs, "Why-Why...ugh. Whatever. Come on, I wanna shower." He closes the door and starts to undress the two of us. I stand still with my eyes tightly closed and Eli slides off my panties. "Well? Get it." He says. I open my eyes and step out of my clothes, walking towards the bathtub. As I do so, I see myself in the mirror. My nose is bruised, as is by right eye and the majority of my cheek.

Eli shoves me into the shower and starts roughly groping my chest. He stops for a moment to turn the water on and continues to do as he pleases. I clench my eyes and whimper as Eli starts gnawing, with his teeth, my breast. Tears roll down my face and mix with the water, "S-Stop, Eli..." I beg. He does, to my surprise. His lips attach to mine and his tongue forces into my mouth. Eli hands slide down to my thighs and start pumping in and out of me. "Ow! Eli, please, stop." I plead. He stops and pushes me onto my knees, pushing himself into my mouth.

I gag and begin to hallow my cheeks, sliding back in forth, engulfing his hard member. I continue to gag as Eli moan in pleasure. He grabs my head and pushing his cock all the way in. I gag and struggle to breath. Finally, Eli pulls out, but doesn't cum. He doesn't do anything else, just helps me up and starts to wash himself. I do the same. We dry off and get dressed. Sab's awake. He's crying, saying he had a nightmare. Eli picks him up and keeps telling him there;s nothing to be afraid of.

Sab hugs Eli and believes him. "Come on, Buddy. Let's make something to eat." Eli carries Sab, lovingly. I sigh. I can't ever leave this horrible life.


	21. Chapter 21

"Where are we going?" Sab asks as I pull him to the taxi. I don't answer. I had packer a few bags of our possessions. Sab cries as we drive to the airport. A few days ago, I explained to Jake that Eli and I have been fighting and asked if I could stay with him. Sab and I had sneaked out as quietly as we could. When we arrive at the airport, I pay the taxi driver and get a luggage cart.

-3 hours later-

Sebastian is asleep in my arms. I carry him and sit on a bench, waiting anxiously for Jake. Sab stirs and asks where we are, but I quiet him and tell him it's time for sleep. "Clare!" I look up and see my step brother. I smile and go to hug him. Jake pushes the luggage cart to the truck and unloads everything, "How was the flight?" I sigh, "Tiring." He chuckles, the his face turns serious, "How are you doing?"

My eyes water, "I'm scared." He takes my hand, "Don't be, okay?" I squeeze his, "What if Eli comes here?" I ask. "He won't. You took a cab. I booked the flight with my credit card. He can't find you. You're safe." Jake drives to his apartment. He lives alone in it. Once I tuck my very sleepy son into bed, I cry into Jake's chest, "I'm so scared." I whisper. I continue to cry into his chest for what is probably hours.

He hugs me and carries me to the guest room, where Sab is. He tells me once again that everything will be alright and leaves me to sleep. I sleep for hours. By the time I wake up, Jake and Sebastian are eating lunch. I join them. Jake finds a toddler channel and we go off to talk in private. "You don't know how much this means to me. Letting me stay here." He shrugs, "It's nothing. Do you wanna talk about you and Eli?"

"I-I...we fight so much?" I whisper. Tears fall from my eyes. "He hits you, doesn't he?" I nod, "Yes..." Jake hugs me, "I'm so sorry." I cry more, "He-He says I deserve whatever he d-does to me." "You don't" I can't believe him. "I'm pregnant again..." I admit. Before he can respond, my cell phone rings, "Hello?" "Where the hell are you?" Eli growls into the phone. "I-I left..." "Well, no fucking shit. _Where_are you?" Eli demands. "I'm not telling you." I state.

"You are in a hell lot of trouble. You'd better fucking come home." I don't answer. "Clare! Fuck, you're...you're such a fucking bitch!" He screams. Tears stream down my face, "S-Stop it...don't say that. This-This is why I left you. I want a divorce." I hang up the phone.

Jake is there to hold me. He kisses my forehead and whispers sweet nothings into my ear.

* * *

**-1 Week Later**-

It's nighttime. I'm awake after a nightmare about Eli, In the dream, he really killed Sebastian. I go to Jake's room and crawl under the covers, crying. He shifts and awakes, "Clare? Are you okay?" I tell him about the nightmare. He tells me I have nothing to worry about. Eli can't find us. I stare into his eyes. I lean in and attach my lips to his. He freezes, shocked but soon moves his lips in sync with mine.

We lay on the bed and hold each other while we kiss and eventually make love. It's slow and gentle. There's no pressure and Jake doesn't hurt me in any way. It feel's better then anything. The way he pumps his hips...it feel like heaven. When we're done we lay naked in bed., huddled under the covers. Jake's breathing is deep. He has his arms and legs wrapped around me. He kisses my neck and promises everything will be okay; he won't let Eli hurt me.

I turn to kiss him. He cups my slightly bruised cheeks (courtesy of Eli) and kisses me passionately. I moan loudly as he massages my clit with his thumb. He pushes himself in and stays still, making sure I'm comfortable. I pull him down onto me and kiss him passionately. When we finish, we fall asleep.

In the morning we get dressed without looking at each other. "I'm sorry..for kissing you." I whisper. He smirks, "It was pretty hot. I don't regret it if you don't." I smile, "I don't. But...we shouldn't do it again." He agrees. I hear my phone ring. "Hello?" "Please come home." I hear. I hang up and hug Jake.


	22. Chapter 22

Eli's POV:

"Adam? Dude, Clare's not coming home, I think..." I say. "Then go find her." He mutter, sleepily. I must've awaken him. "I don't know where she is. You have to help me find her. Please, Adam." He groans, "Eli, bro, she must've left for a reason." "I don't know." I lie. He sighs, "Don't lie to me. This is your problem, you fix it."

I sigh and hang up. I dial Clare's number. "He-lo?" I hear Sab's voice. "Sebastian!" I cry happily. "Dada?" He asks. "Shh. Don't tell mommy your talking to me." I instruct. "'Kay." I smirk and sit on the couch, "Where are you in Mommy?" "Uhh...I'm on the swing and mommy's inside I think." I chuckle, "Where, though? Are you at Gramma's house?" "Huh uh." He says.

"Where are you?" I tap my foot impatiently. "I'm on the swing." He says. I sigh, "Are you at a park?" "Huh uh." I wait for him to proceed. He doesn't. "Who's house are you at?" He starts humming. I sigh and listen to him, trying to be calm. "We are at Uncky Jake's." He says. "You're at Jake's? You and Momma are?" I bite my lip. "Yes." I sigh. Toronto. "Okay. Daddy's gonna come and get you, okay? Don't tell Mommy."

"Why not?" I sigh loudly, "Because if you do, Daddy won't buy you an icecream cone." He gasps, "Icecream?!" "Shh.. Go gather anything important, okay? I'll be there tonight. Don't tell Mommy or Uncle Jake, understand." "Uh huh!" He says. "Bye, Sab. I love you." "Love you, Dada."

I hang up and go online, booking a flight. Almost $1000 for a damn flight. I growl, all the damn money Clare must've spent. I sigh and book the flight. I speed to the airport and wait impatiently for the plane. After a long flight, I arrive in Toronto. After making a few phone calls, I find out Jake's address and take a cab, telling the driver to wait out front. I run quietly up the driveway and open the door, slipping inside.

I tiptoe and peek in some of the rooms. I finally see Sebastian, sleeping next to Clare. I grab him, with my hand over his mouth, and carry him swiftly outside. He wakes up, drowsily and tries to speak. I toss down and envelope with a note for Clare. When I get in the taxi, Sab starts asking questions. "Why isn't mommy coming with us?" He asks. I glance at the cab driver, who isn't paying attention to me.

"Because Uncle Jake probably wants her to stay. He wouldn't let mommy come with me." "Why not?" I sigh, "Uncle Jake, he doesn't like me. I don't think he does." Sab is quiet for a little while. "Uncle Jake and mommy are alone a lot." He says. "What do you mean?"

"The lock Uncle Jake's door at night and won't me inside. Even when I wait for them. They come out together, looking bad." I grow angry, "Bad in what way." He giggles, "Like they did something bad. Like they ate the cookies when they not allow to."

My lip quivers, "Okay." I whisper. The taxi driver looks back at me, "You okay?" I cover Sab's ears, "I think my wife is cheating on me with her step brother." I choke out. he doesn't respond for a while. "'Sucks." When we get to the airport, I slam the door and drag Sab by his arm to the gate. He points to a candy cart, "Can I gets candy?"

I walk over to it and let him get whatever he wants. He gets a pack of gum, 3 candy bars, a giant lollipop and a box of gumdrops. I know he won't be able to eat it all, but it'll last him a while. "Dadda, are you sad?" I sigh, "Yeah, a little." He holds out a piece of chocolate. I kiss his forehead and eat it. We proceed to feed each other candy. I try to teach him how to blow a bubble with the gum. Before he gets the hang of it, my phone rings. "Hello?" "Eli, man, where are you?" It's Jake.

"None of your damn business." I growl. "Let me talk to Sab. Sebastian is okay, right?" I hear Clare say in the background. "Eli. Where is Sebastian?" He asks sternly. "Why the fuck do you care?" Jake says something to Clare. She's crying. "Why do you put Clare through this? She doesn't deserve it."

"At least I'm not a goddamn slut who fucks her brother!" I whisper yell. I get a couple of strange looks as I hang up. "Dad, what does sl-" "Nothing." He eats a piece of candy, "What does fu-" "Nothing. Lay down, sleep." He does. Our plane comes a while later and I carry my son onto the plane. He's tired. He sleeps the entire flight and when we get home, he sleeps more. I sit over his bed and comb my fingers through his hair.

I pull out my phone and check my messages. It rings while I'm listening to them. It's Clare again. "Hello?" She's sobbing, "Eli...please tell me you didn't hurt Sab." She begs. "Why?" I spit. "I'm sorry, okay?! I'm sorry I left and s-sl-slept w-with Jake. He was there for me. He kept me safe. Do you know how hard it is for me to be with you?! You hurt me all the time! Do you know how great this last week has been?! I didn't have to worry about being raped or beaten or left for dead in the bathtub or-" "Clare, calm down." I hear Jake whisper.

She yells at him, "He took my baby. He could be dead!" I shake Sebastian. "Daddy?" He mutters. I but the phone by his ear and whisper, "Talk." "What? I'm ty-yad." He weakly says. I put the phone back to my ear and let him sleep. "See? He's fine. Calm down, you slut." I command. "He-He's okay?" She whispers. I sigh, "Yes, Clare, he's fine. He's tired as fuck, so you can't really talk to him."

"I-I'm coming home..." She chokes out. "Clare! No!" Jake cries. "Yes! He has Sebastian. I've dealt with his ways for years. Don't worry, okay Jake?" "No, Clare! You can't go back to him! We can get custody of Sebastian! We can be..." I don't hear the last part. Clare's crying hysterically. They're yelling at each other. I hang up.

I'm almost sure I'm going to lose Clare. I gave her too much freedom. I won't lose my son, though. I lie next to Sebastian and wrap my arms around him. I next realized how much I love him. I kiss his forehead and fall asleep.

Sebastian wakes me up. He says it;s time for dinner. "Alright. You wanna help me cook?" I ask. He nods happily. "What do you wanna make?" He runs back and forth between me and the refrigerator and the cupboard, grabbing various foods. I raise my eyebrows at his selection: Potatoes, strawberries, a can of olives, icecream and milk. Plus onions. "Umm...What do you wanna make with all this?"

I lean against the wall and watch as he loads everything into the blender. "Uhh...Sab..you-you have to take the milk out of the carton..." He ignores me and starts to turn the machine on. It doesn't move. "You have to take the olives out of the can, too..." He sighs, "No work. Your turn." I put everything away and pull out some mac n' cheese.

He gaps as I make and serve it. After eating we hear the door open. I look up to see Clare. "Mommy!" Sab struggles to get out of his highchair. Clare rushes over to him and hugs him, whispering how much she loves him. I continue eating, without looking or saying anything to Clare. "Daddy, mom's home!" Sab cries. I sigh, stand up and leave the room.

Clare walks after me, "E-Eli...sh-sh-should we talk?" She stammers. I don't answer. I can't. I can hardly believe it. Clare **cheated **on me. Doesn't she realize she belongs to me? "Eli?" I sigh and push past her. "Eli! I-I'm sorry!" She yells. I leave the house and get in my car. Clare watches me leave through the window. I stop at Walmart and stroll down the aisle. I find what I'm looking for. A play set. It cost over $1,200. I sigh and but it, strapping it to the top of my car.

When I get home, I ask my neighbor, Todd, to help me assemble it. He asks why I'm building this so late and I explain I want to surprise my son. We finish it in a little over an hour. I thank Todd, explaining how much this means to me.

I walk back in the house, where I see Clare crying on the couch. I go into Sab's room and kiss his forehead, "Goodnight my son." I whisper in his ear. I walk past Clare and lay and into our room. A few minutes later, she joins me in the bed. "Eli? Please talk to me." I stand up and leave the room. She come after me and starts screaming, "I'm sorry, okay?! What'd you expect?! For the last 5 fucking years, all you've done is beat me and rape me! It felt nice to have someone give a crap about me!**" **

I turn to her, "All I've done? I've fed you, gave you a son, and soon another, and-and..I loved you. I do love you, and you cheat on me. **You think I hurt you on purpose?! You think I want you to be in pain all the time?! Can't you tell there's something wrong with me? Do you think I can fucking control myself? Don't you see me?! Look at me! I'm fucked up!" **I scream.

Tears are streaming down both our faces, "And w-when Sab told me that you and Jake lock the door and do things you shouldn't...it hurt me. It hurt me so, so much. More then you'll ever know." I whisper. Sebastian is crying and screaming. I glare at her once more and storm away.


	23. Chapter 23

It has been exactly 2 months since Eli and I have talked. We made small talk in front of Sebastian and just to get by but never _really_ talked much. Sebastian's birthday is today and we were all at the arcade. We invited a lot of the neighborhood kids, including the older ones. The oldest was 10. Harvey, the 10 year old's mom came up to us. "This is such a great party. Thank you so much for inviting Harvey. He doesn't have many friends and was anxious all week to come." Eli intertwines his fingers in mine, "Clare and I are stoked to have him. Sab, especially."

We watch Sab run excitedly around the arcade, holding a cup full of tokens. Eli sits down, still holding my hand, and watches all the kids run around, playing games. "Higher, higher!" We hear. Eli walks towards the source of the noise, pulling me along gently, and watches Harvey lean forward, with Sab on his shoulders, so he can drop a basket ball into a hoop. One by one, Harvey gives each kid several turns dunking until they have a fair amount of tickets.

After the kids finish buying stuff at the prize counter, we eat cake, pizza, open presents and drive home. Sab immediately goes with Harvey to play with the new toys in the yard. Eli leads me to the bedroom, puts his hands on either side of me, on the wall, and kisses me. He's gentle and passionate, but at the same time, full of lust.

I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him with all the sexual frustration I've had locked away for the last few months. I make sure the door is locked before pulling off his shirt and feeling his abs. He puts his hands on my waist and slowly lifts it over my head. The doorknob shakes right as my bra drops. "Mr. Goldsworthy, I'm going to head home now." We hear Harvey call. "Hey, wait, can't you watch Sebastian for a little longer?" Eli calls. "I kinda wanted to-"

"I'll pay you $20 to watch him for a while longer!" Eli says. "Really? Sweet!" 2 sets of feet scamper away. Eli turns back to me and attaches his open mouth to my neck. I moan and unbutton Eli's pants. Eli turns me around and pushes me to the bed. Without wasting any times, our clothes are off, and Eli slowly pushes himself inside of me.

Without waiting, he begins to move in and out. I moan and grope his body. "H-Harder..." I plead. I close my eyes and moan Eli's name countless times. "Fuck, Clare, I've missed this. I've missed you." Finally, I climax. Eli doesn't. He continues to pump in and out for another minute or so and I clench my teeth. He grunts loudly and collapses on me. His warm cum fills my insides.

"God, I love you." He seethes. I kiss his sweaty shoulder and push him off of me. He climbs back on and starts to kiss me. I kiss him back, but push him off, "Let's shower, okay?" He smirks. His eyes are soft looking. Light. Bright.

He takes me into the shower and kisses me deeply. "Can I try something?" He asks. I nod. He leads me out of the shower and gently bends me over the toilet. At first I think he want's to try anal, but he slips inside my pussy. Before grinding into me, he takes a folded towel and places in in front of my head, so I don't hurt my head.

An immense pleasure shoots over me and sends me into a word of pleasure. "H-H-H-Har-d-d-der." I stammer with each thrust. He does so and we orgasm at the same time. Eli pulls out and helps me up, "That was amazing."

We shower and Eli gives Harvey the money. Sab looks weirdly at Harvey. Once he iss gone, Sebastian rushes to bed, not saying a word. Eli and I sit down to watch a movie. The Orphan. Eli holds me lovingly and kisses my neck occasionally. "I'm sorry for everything." He whispers. "Me too. About the entire Jake this." He tightens up, "Yeah..."

"Are you still mad at me for that?" He sighs, "I don't know. I guess it's fair. How far along are you?" He touches my stomach. "4 or 5 months, I think." He smiles, "I'm excited as fuck." I laugh and playfully hit him, "No swearing in front of the baby!"

He chuckles, "I love you." "Help me think of some names." He sighs happily, "Okay...if it's a boy...Alexander." I smile, "What if it's a girl?" He smirks, "It won't be a girl." I turn to him, "Yes it will!" He laughs and kisses me. We kiss for a while. "Are you tired?" He asks. I nod. He carries me to bed and kisses my forehead, laying next to me. I love Eli.


	24. Chapter 24

Eli's POV:

I smile at Clare. I'm behind the curtains. "Eli?" She stops at a small package, wrapped in a bow. She bends down and unwraps it. She gasps and picks up the earrings. They match her eyes. "Eli?" She looks around. She looks straight at me, but can't see me. I smirk. When she turns around, looking the other way, I sneak up behind her and wrap my arms around her. She gasps and drops the earrings.

Clare turns around and kisses me. I pull away to pick up the earrings. She put's them on and beams, "I love them." I smirk, "Good." We smile at each other for a moment, the Clare gasps and grabs her stomach. I freeze, then react, "Shit, shit shit. The baby can't be coming!" She giggles, "It's not! She's kicking."

"**He's **kicking." I place my hand on her stomach. I feel a slight bump pressed against her skin. I make a face, "Eww, gross." She glares at me, "It's not gross! And maybe if you paid attention to me during my first pregnancy, you'd know what to expect!" My first instinct it to hit her for talking to me like that. I don't. I won't let myself.

I gap, "What the hell?" I mutter. She turns away and sits on the couch, "Just leave me alone, Eli." I sigh, "Can do. I'm outta here." I turn on my heel and start to leave. "Eli, don't leave..." She pleads. I turn around, "Are you okay?"

Tears fall down her face, "No..." I open my mouth to respond, then close it. "I'll be back." I go out into the backyard and dial Ali's number. "Hello?" "Hey, Ali, it's Eli." "Eli...what's up...?" I sigh, "I don't know. Clare's acting weird." She's silent for a moment. Then: "Isn't she, like, pregnant?" "Mhm."

"Okay, so it's clearly hormones." I don't respond. "You know...hormones..." "I don't follow." She sighs, "Eli! Didn't she act moody when she was with Sebastian."

"I, uh, didn't notice. I mean, probably, yeah, but we weren't..I mean...I don't know. I didn't pay much attention." She groans, "God, Eli, you're so clueless. When a women's with child...well she has, like, 10 pounds in her stomach. It hurts. Go fix it."

"Okay..." I mutter and hang up. I go back inside to find Clare rubbing her belly. "Hey, umm, sorry. For being a jackass." I mutter, knowing she would like to be right. She looks up gently, "It's okay. I just want to be happy with you..." She responds. I sit next to her and kiss her stomach, "I love you." She giggles, "Sab is still asleep. I think his birthday party really tired him out." I agree.

I rub her stomach, "I'm excited for this child." I whisper. She giggles, "Me too. It's gonna be a girl." I shake my head, "Nope." She playfully pushes me. I smirk and start to tickle her. She squeals and begs me to stop. I kiss her while pulling her on top of me. We kiss for a few minutes then hear Sebastian screaming.

I get up and rush to his room, "Are you okay, Sab?" He's breathing in and out, "No! I hate everyone! Get out! I hate the room! I hate you, I hate you!" I freeze. Sab starts throwing his toys and things around. I grab him, "Hey! Calm the fuck down! What's your problem?!"

Clare runs in and pulls Sab from me. "It's okay, honey." She glares at me. Sebastian flails his arms and screams until Clare puts him down. He runs to the corner and huddles in a ball, hyper ventilating. In his green eyes, I can see me. I see me. He's me. I step to him, "Do you wanna be left alone?" He turns to me, "I wanna go bye-bye! I hate it here, I hate it! Leave! I wanna leave! I wanna leave with Uncle Jake and you and mom, but not right here!"

I hug him tightly, "What happened? Did you have a nightmare?" He pushes me away, "Don't touch me! Stop it!" He burst into hysterics and begins crying even more. Clare begins to cry, too. I leave the room.

I got outside and sit next to the roses, smelling them. My son is having a panic attack. He's not even 5. I sit outside for an hour. I refuse to see him like this. Later, Clare comes out, "He's calm now." She sits next to me, "Eli...what do you th-"

"I don't know." She bites her lip, "Yeah, but, something must've hap-" "I **don't **know." I growl, "He's 4. 4 year olds cry." She leaves it at that.

It's a long day. Sab won't talk to anyone. He doesn't eat breakfast. He doesn't eat lunch. He doesn't eat dinner. Clare and I go to sleep.

_"Don't tell you're dad, okay?" His strong hands found there way to me, despite the fact I was under the bed. He pulls me out and props me on my dresser, ripping my shorts down. My breathing increases as he grabs my things and squeezes them. Tears stream down my face when he pulls his pants down and brings me to the floor in front of him._

_"Touch it. Go on, Elijah, you know what I like." I shake my head, "I-I-I don't want to." He growls and slabs me hard, "Touch it!" He whisper yells, grabbing my hand and placing it between his legs. When I refuse to touch it, he touches it himself, moving it his hand up and down. It sticks up like a stick like how mine sometimes does._

_He grabs my T shirt collar and bends me over the bed. I clench up, "What are you-" I feel and intense pain in my lower region. _

I wake up crying. Actually, Clare wakes me up saying I was crying hysterically and screaming. I hug her and apologize as much as possible. She ask for what. I can't say. I cry more. She holds me. I don't stop crying for hours. Clare begs me to tell her what the nightmare was about. I can't. I cry even more. I get dizzy.

I hyperventilate. I have several anxiety attacks. Clare gets terrified. She doesn't know what to do. She calls an ambulance. Sebastian cries as they put me in it. I just lie there. No, that's a lie. I flail and scream.

At the hospital, they give me a shot. I calm down. Doctors talk to me. I'm too drowsy to get what's going on. I answer the questions as best I can. "Eli?" I see Clare. She walks up and holds me. I blink, "H-Hey..." And black out.

When I wake up, they release me. Clare drives home, holding my hand. Sab's at daycare. I'm still a little drowsy. I wobble into the house and lie on the bed. Clare doesn't push the subject at hand. I smile and laugh. I'm happy. I'm okay. I'm perfectly normal. My son is perfectly normal. My family is perfectly normal. My wife is perfectly normal. My unborn will be perfectly normal. We're all okay. We're average. We're perfectly normal.

No.

My son is at least normal. My family is at least normal. My wife is at least normal. My unborn will be at least normal. We're all at least okay. We're at least average. We're at least normal.

No.

I'm not normal. My son is not normal. My family is not normal. No one is normal. Normal doesn't exist. It's all fake. This world is all fake. Everything is false. I'm crazy. My son is crazy. My family is crazy. Everything is fake and crazy. And false.

No.

We're not even that.


	25. Chapter 25

to whoever left this review: Guest 4/14/13 . chapter 24

This is the best freaking story ever! Please finish it! This is soooooooo great!

Thank you, this made my day.

* * *

"I-I'll see you tonight, okay?" He whispers. "Okay. I love you." Eli turns on his heel, like he always does, and leaves for school. Sab has calmed down. He's eating all he can. There's knock at the door. I turn to see Harvey waving. I smile and welcome him in. He eats some food and takes Sebastian to go play.

I take out a book of baby names and flip through the girls section. I spot a perfect one. Annabelle. The boys are gone for hours. They only come home when Eli's home. Harvey leaves immediately. Sebastian sits on the couch. Eli comes out, "Hey, where were you?" He asks Sab. "H-Harvey's."

He glares at me, then looks at Sebastian, "You can't go to Harvey's anymore." I gap, "Yes he can." He walks over to me menacing, "No. He can't."

"Harvey is a nice boy. He doesn't have many fre-" "There's fucking reason for that!" Sebastian buts in, "It's okay mommy. I don't wanna be friends with Harvey anyway." I knit my eyebrows together. Eli goes over to Sab and leads him outside for 'a talk'.

Eli's POV:

I take Sab to the car and sit him in the passenger seat. He stares at his lap. "Sebastian." He doesn't look up. "Has Harvey been doing things to you?" He shakes his head. I start to put my hand on his shoulder, for comfort, but i know that will scare him. I remember how much being touched, in anyway, scared me. "Buddy, you're not in any trouble. I know...if Harvey touched you in a way you didn't like...he probably told you not to tell anyone, right?"

He nods. "I know it's hard to talk about...you don't need to talk about it with me. If Harvey touched you...you need to tell me, okay?" He nods, "I sorry daddy." I take his hand. "It's not your fault. It happened to...to...it happened to me too." He looks up. Tears are falling from my face, "It did? Harvey touched you?"

"No. And adult did. When I was older then you. 6. I was only 6." "Who?" I sigh a shaky breath, "M-M-My uncle. My dad's brother." "You're daddy's dead." He stated.

I bite my lip, "Yeah he is. But his brother's not." Sebastian bites his lip too, "Are you gonna tell mommy?" I nod, "I think we have to. She won't be mad, ya know? No one will. I'm glad you told me. I never told anyone."

"Except me." I nod, "Yeah, except you." We sit in silence for a while. "Can we move?" I look over, "Move?" He nods, "To away from here." I nod, "Sure. We'll move far away. Do you wanna choose where to?" He nods with a silly expression.

I get out of the car and go around the the other side. Sab wraps his arms around me and I carry him inside. "We're moving." I say sternly. Clare just nods. "I'm serious. We're moving." She turns to me, "Where?" I shrug, "I don't know."

"What about school?" I shrug, "I'll transfer." She sighs, "Why? Why are you just...I'll never understand you." She whispers. I sigh, and put Sebastian down, "Go to your room." He runs away. "Eli...what's going on?" I bite my lip, "Nothing." She storms close to me, "Tell me." She demands.

Before I can stop it, the back of my hand slap her cheek. She falls to the ground. I see myself. I see me, as Clare, and my uncle as me. I drop to my knees, "I-I-I'm sorry..." I whisper. I lift her up. Her cheek is red, her eyes watery. "I'm so sorry. God, damn, I don't know why I...why I."

Her lip trembles. "I'm sorry..." I whisper. She shakes her head, "Don't be...I deserve it, right?" She asks and turns away. I watch her go to the bathroom and slam the door. "Why'd you hit mommy?" I turn and see Sebastian. I shake my head and rush after her, "Clare? Clare, please let me in..." I beg. She opens the door after a while.

"I'm so sorry..." I whisper. "It's okay, I guess. Like you always say, I do deserve it." I shake my head, "You don't." I kiss her cheek as soft as I can. She stares at the floor. I lead her to our bed room, close the door and sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm so sorry." I whisper. She nods, "Okay."

I start to bring me lips gently to hers. She flinches and pulls away. "I said I'm sorry!" I growl. She flinches, "Y-You're becoming...you again..." She whispers. I glare at her, "What the fuck does that mean?!" I yell. She flinches, "N-Nothing, I'm sorry." She whispers. I heave my breath, "God dammit, why are you like this? Why can't you just-just-just-" I sigh, "Go." She looks up, "Huh?"

"Umm...can you leave me alone for a little bit?" I whisper. She nods and sneaks out. I lay on the bed with my eyes closed. I breathe in and out. I'm okay. I go back out and see Clare talking to our son. "-and sometimes that's how Daddy deals with anger." He nods. "You can't tell anyone though. Or they'll take Daddy away from us." He nods. I walk up to them and kneel down next to Clare, "Sebastian, it's bath time okay? Come on."

He follows me to the restroom and we get undressed. We always take a bath together. I fill up the tub and place Sebastian inside, climbing into the tub behind him. We do the usual routine: Role playing with bathtub toys, washing our hairs, our bodies and role play some more. "My boat kills your." He says. I smirk, "Okay. I die." He giggles loudly, "Daddy's dead!" I nod, "But I resurrect myself and fly away."

We drain the tub and I tuck him into bed, after a story, of course. I walk Clare to our room, "I am so, so sorry for hitting you. I promise it won't happen again." I whisper. She nods, "Okay." We sleep.


	26. Chapter 26

(Set about 6 years in the future)

I blink at the bloody, wet thing the doctor is holding. They take it to the side and start to clean it. I look down at Clare. She's crying tears of joy. I take her hand. She smiles at me, "I did it..." I smirk, "Of course. You've done it twice before. I had no doubt in you." I smile, thinking about Sebastian, who was 10 now and Elliot, who is 5. A few minutes later, the doctors come back. "Do you want to hold your baby?" I nod and take it. It's wrapped in several small blankets. I stare down at it. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A girl." Clare gasps. I look at the little face. She flails her arms, cutely. I hand her to Clare. Our first daughter. 2 sons and, finally, a daughter. We live in Toronto now. I try to be protective over my family, but Sebastian has changed so very much. He tries to be happy, but he often acts strange. "Sometimes I get lost..." He says, "I don't know where I go, but I'm not...I'm not here." or, "Do you hear that? They're calling to me. They want me to come with them..." When I ask him who's calling, he shakes his head and stares downward.

We've tried to take him to see someone to talk to, but it never works out. Elliot, on the other hand, is perfectly content. He get's amazing grades. Top of his class. He has his own garden that him and Clare made together. I look over at Clare. She crying with tears of joy. I take her hand. She hands the girl to the nurse. We decide on the name Annabelle. When we take him home, Elliot fan girls around him. "She's so cute! Can I hold her, daddy, please?" With careful instructions, he is allowed to hold her. He sits on the floor with me and Clare surrounding him. I turn to Sab, "You okay? Look, you have a sister now."

"Great. Spawning more witnesses to appeal the demon god, Zamerock." He mutters and turns away. I stare at him for a moment. He sits on the floor and rest his chin in his hands. I sit next to him, "Aren't you happy?" He shrugs, "I'm fine. Really, I am." He defends. I sigh, "What's up, kid? Come on, talk to me." He stares at to floor. I place my hand on his shoulder, but am silent. I can't think of anything to say.

He stands up and turns to leave. "Hey! Where are you going." He turns to me, "Out." I sigh and sit next to Clare. Annabelle starts crying. We calm her. I get anxious, "I'm going after Sebastian." I walk out into the woods, where I assume he'll be, and freeze when I see him. There's a strong odor of gasoline and he is soaking wet. The container for the gas I put in the lawnmower is leaned on it's side. He takes a match and struggle to light it. Surrounding him are several squirrels and even a cat. All decapitated.

"Sab!" I scream. I run and tackle him to the ground. He screams in protest, but stops trying to light the matches. I snatch them from him, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"I need to use this match and oil to burn away all the sins that this world has suffered!" He screams. I climb off of him. We're both reek of gasoline. "Come inside." I growl. I grab his shirt and lead him to the house. I take him past Clare and the others to the shower. "Get in." I whisper. He shakes his head, "N-Not in front of you..." I sigh, "Listen, I know how you feel about undressing in front of others after the entire Harvey thing." He cringes, "But the way you're acting...it scares me. I'm not leaving you alone."

He shakes his head profusely. I sigh, "Get it!" I roar. He undresses and showers with the curtain close. I sneak out and retrieve some clothes. Once he's clean and dressed, I gather some more things and lead him back into the front room. "What's going on?"

I let go of Sab, "I need to take him to the hospital..." I choke out, "He needs help, Clare." She looks alarmed. "Watch Anna and Elliot." I leave. We drive to the local hospital. I explain the situation. "We can check him into the adolescent psych ward. I agree and sign countless papers. They put him in a wheelchair hospital policy) and I walk beside with him down the hallways.

We get there and Sab gets out, standing confused. "Listen, buddy, you're gonna be here for a few days. I want you to be safe. I want you to talk to the doctors about why you tried to do what you did. You could've gotten really hurt."

She shakes his head, "No, you see, I can die. I'm eternal, I'll never die. I was chosen to carry on our family and repopulate the world." I sigh, "Tell the doctors all of this."

I hug him, against his will, and drive home, crying.


	27. Chapter 27

"With all the attention that has been aimed at Elliot and will soon be aimed at the new baby, Sebastian has been feeling...unwanted." Clare looks across the room at Sab. He's reading the dictionary. I clear my throat, "Is that why he's been...well, acting out?" I ask, glancing at my son.

The therapist sighs, "We [the hospital staff] think he craves a little more attention. He feels unappreciated." I nod, understandingly. Clare takes my hand. I give it a gentle squeeze, which she returns. The therapist continues talking. I drift in and out, while staring at Sab. I only hear a small part of what she says.

"He...Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...I..prescription...Zoloft... anti-...Prazosine...and, for his delirium...signs of Schizophrenia. Risperidone would do him good." I stare at the floor. "We'll need parental consent, of course. You both need to sign this for us to proceed in Sebastian's treatment. We're looking to have him start taking low doses of these 3 medicines and slowly increase them. I think we should keep him here at least a week more to monitor his moods." Clare signs the papers and hands them to me.

I read them. I sign them. Before leaving, we hug Sab. Clare cries. I don't. Once we're out of his sight, I do. As we drive to Helen and Glen's house to pick up the kids, Clare cries into my chest. She's leaned over the seats and gripping my shirt. We arrive.

Clare opens the door and walks in, greeted by a charging Elliot, "Mom!" Annabelle is being held by Helen. Jake is sitting on the couch. He glares at me, "Eli." I nod, "Jake." "Oh, honey, I know this is hard.." Helen says, referring to Sebastian, "Why don't you stay for dinner?" They hug. We decide to stay.

I lean against the wall, watching TV as Helen and Clare prepare the food. Jake walks over to me, blocking my view "Have you been hurting her?" He asks. I scoff, "That's none of your business." I say, only to piss him off, though, I actually haven't been hurting Clare. "I swear to God, Eli, that if you've be-" "What? You'll fuck Clare again. Good luck."

"At least that was consensual." He whispers, menacingly. I glare at him and quickly muster up all my force. I swing as hard as I could at his jaw, sending his flying back into the coffee table, knocking the magazines off of it.H He falls off the coffee table, cupping his jaw line. Blood drips from him mouth into his hand. Clare rushes and and stares at me before hurrying to Jake. He gets up and tries to charge at me, but Glen grabs him by his shoulders and forces him on the couch, "Helen, get some ice, okay?"

Jake's glaring at me while, still, cupping his jaw. "Daddy?" Elliot whispers. My lip twitches. "Why did you hit uncle Jake?" I ignore him and walk towards the front door. "Eli!" Clare calls. I ignore her and open the door, exit, and slam it. I storm down the pathway and up the sidewalk. "Eli!" Clare runs after me, "Eli!" I take deep breaths and ignore her.

She grabs my shoulder. I stop and turn around, "What?!" I scream. She flinches, "What happened in there?" I sigh, "Nothing. I'm leaving." I turn back. My shoes crunch over the snow. "Eli..." Clare whispers. "Just go be with Jake, okay?" I say. She tries to talk to me, but eventually gives up and turns around.

Clare's POV:

I trudge back in the house. Jake has an ice pack to his face and is still on the couch, "Where's the devil?" Jake asks, weakly. I shrug, "I don't know. He just left." He nods. "Clare, do you still want to stay for dinner? Maybe you should go check on Elijah. See if he's alright." I shake my head, "I'm not letting him ruin my night." Jake smiles, happily.

Annabelle is sleeping in a crib we have in another room. After dinner, I go to feed her. She, greedily, sucks on my nipple, covered by a cloth. "Clare?" Jake steps in the room, closing the door. I am gracious for the cloth. "How's your jaw?" He shrugs, "Soar. How are you?" I shrug, "Stressed." He closes his eyes, "I'm sorry." He whispers.

"Not your fault." I mutter back. "It is. I should've protected you from Eli. I knew he hit you back in high school ..I should've done something." I shrug, "It-It's okay..." He sits next to me, "No, it's not. You're trapped in this crappy mess with a psycho."

"He's been better, ya' know? He hasn't hit me since...since you and I...since we.." He nods, "I know. I was really worried." I pull Annabelle away and cover my chest before removing the cloth. Anna yawns. "Clare? Do you regret what we did?" I freeze, "I-I don't know...Do you?"

He shrugs, "I don't know. That's why Eli hit me." I nod. "Clare, do you wanna be with him?" I look at Jake, "I don't know." He places an arm on my shoulder, "I'm here for you." I smile at him and watch him leave the room. Anna cries. I soothe her and carry her out. Jake's putting on his shoes and Elliot's asleep on the floor.

I think about Eli. I don't even want to see him, but I sigh and carry the kids to the car. "Clare!" Jake calls. I turn to see him running to me, "If you ever need somewhere to stay...I'm here." I nod and hug him, tightly.

On the way home, I call Eli. "'Lo?" He slurs. "Eli? Are you at home?" He laughs, as if I'd said the funniest thing in the world, "Yes, I am. Where are you?" I tell him I'm coming and soon pull in the drive way. Eli's on the couch, drinking a beer. I put the kids in their room and go over to him. Only then do I see all the bottles on the ground. "Are you drunk?" He giggles, "Maybe."

I sigh. He holds out a bottle for me. I glance at it and take a sip. It takes awful. "Try more. It gets more better..." I bite my lip and take another sip. I clench my lips in disgust. "More." He says. I sigh and drink another sip. Eventually, I finish the bottle. Eli passes me another bottle, which I accept. I sit next to him, "You-You shouldn't have his Jake." I slur.

"Too bad." I finish the second bottle. "Come here." He mutters, holding his arms out. I sigh, "No, Eli, this is a bad idea. Let's-Let's go to sleep." He pulls me into his lap, "Why? Let's stay up." I sigh, "You have work tomorrow and Anna wakes up a lot. We'll need to be there, sober, for her." He groans.

We stumble to bed and fall asleep. Anna wakes up every few hours, crying and sometimes hungry. I wake up to Eli asking me, "Clare, where's the aspirin?" I giggle, "Aww, does someone have a hangover?" "Ha, ha. Where's the aspirin?" I point to the cupboard. He swallows 2 pills and gets dressed for work. After years of building his way up from job to job, he became a reporter for the New York Times.

I hug Eli and let him leave. Once Anna and Elliot are awake, we drive down to the hospital to see Sab. "Hi, Mom." He says. He hugs Elliot, who gives him a drawing he made. "Why are you here?" Elliot asks. "I'm crazy." He answers. "Sebastian, you-re not-"

"I am, Mom! I'm in Mental Ward and I had to take this test called to MMPI that had 478 questions. They made me take it twice to see how crazy I am." Elliot ponders this, then says, "Can I take the test?" Sebastian shakes his head, "Uh uh, you have to be crazy. You're not, I am."

"Oh. How can I be crazy?" Sab shakes his head, "You have have something really bad happen to you."

"What happened to you?" Sab freezes. "We don't talk about that, Elliot?" He nods, looking sad. We talk for a little bit. "Can we sell Anna?" Sebastian asks. "What? No, of course not." He looks deflated, "I see."

**"Visiting hours are not over."**

We hug each other and leave. "What happened to brother?" Elliot asks in the parking lot. "Something bad and mean. Don't mention it anymore."


	28. Chapter 28

_"Ow!" I screamed as he kicked me. He lifted me from the ground by my hair, "Have you learned your lesson?" I look up at Eli through my swollen eyes, "I. Hate. You." I struggle to say. He glares and throws me to the ground, "You don't. You love me. I love you. Don't deny it." I cower in a ball, regretting what I said. At the time I felt so powerful, but now, I am terrified. "I'm sorry..." I whisper. "Too bad." I wrap my arms around my legs, trying to disappear. I don't. I hope he won't do what he always does._

* * *

I wake up in a sweat. Tears are pouring down my face. I look over a Eli, who's sleeping peacefully. How can I love a man who put me through that? I don't know. I climb out of bed and walk to Sebastian's room. I stare at the empty bed and sit down to cry. I walk to Anna's bed and watch her sleep for a moment, then go to Elliot's room. I curl up with him, sniffling and crying. "Mommy?" He whispers. "Go to sleep, honey."

"Are you okay?" I feel hot tears fall down my face, "No. Go to bed." He flips over and falls asleep fast. I climb up again and walk around the house for a while. I refuse to go back to Eli; I'm too afraid. Though he hasn't hurt me for so long, I'm still scared. I quickly rush into my room, despite my fright, and grab a set of clothes and my phone. Once changing, I walk downstairs, outside into the cold.

I sit on the stairs and cry into my knees. My breathing increases and I hyperventilate. Tears pour down my face and I feel a ripping sensation forcing itself forward into a struggle to breath. I gasp and inhale deeply over and over. I stand up and walk to my car, sitting in the front seat for a while. I eventually start it and back out. I drive blindly for a while, the pull over by a lake.

Walking over, I stare at the water rippling. I look over at the small fishing dock and see a man sitting there. He's smoking a cigarette and humming softly. I put my feet in the freezing water and immediately pull them out, shivering. The man turns around, "How long have you been here?" I look up and recognize him immediately even in the dark, "Fitz?"

"I-It's just Mark now. Is that you, Clare?" I stand up. In high school, I wouldn't go near him, but after all I've been through with Eli, I'm not afraid. We stand in front of each other for a moment, then he says, "You want one?" He offers me a cigarette from his pack. I open my mouth, unable to form words. He chuckles, "Didn't think so. What're you doing here so late?"

I shrug, sitting on the dock, "Needed to get away, I guess." He takes a long drag then blows it out his nose, "From what?" I look at the rippling water, "Eli. Everything." He looks over, "Eli? Y'all still together?" I nod, "We're married." He takes another drag, "Congrats." I sigh, "Not much of an achievement." I mutter, mostly to myself.

"Why not? Aren't you happy?" I shrug, "Not really. More so then before, I guess, but I-I...I just feel like I don't know him anymore." A single tear slides down my cheek. He looks at me, "What'd he do?" I stare at the water, "Did. He wasn't...he changed. But he's nice again." He flicks his cigarette butt into the water. It sizzles and sinks.

"Leave him." Fitz mutters. "I can't..." I whisper. He pulls out another cigarette and grips it with his teeth. Whipping out the lighter and flame, he inhales deeply and blows the smoke out the side of his mouth, "You wanna talk about it?" I bite my lip, "I guess. He-He started to hit me...in high school. One day, he was being...I just got mad and started to leave and he-he slapped m e then acted like it never happened. And, a couple months later, when we were in college, he-he r-r-" "You don't have to say it."

"He did it a lot. And we had a son. And another. And we just recently had a daughter. And-And...well, he doesn't hurt me any more, but I occasionally have these...nightmares. No, memories. I just wonder how I'm still with him. For Sebastian, I guess."

"Your son?"

I nod, "He's in the hospital right now." Fitz looks upset, "Why? Cancer or what?" I shake my head, "He tried to...he's 10 and he's into some really horrible things...he kills animals and tried to set himself on fire. To pay for the...he said burn away all the sins that this world has suffered. Eli found him covered in gasoline. He's in the psych ward." I break out crying and hug Fitz, sobbing into his chest. "Hey, he'll get out. It ain't your fault. Having Eli as a dad could've...I mean..I don't mean he's...he'll be fine."

I pull away, "I hope so. He's been through so much. I get scared so badly. He could've died Fit-Mark. Why Mark now? I mean, I know it's your first name...but why not Fitz?" He shrugs, "I'm grown up. I can't be stuck in this immature gang stuff. I'm done with everything. 'Cept smoking."

"Can I try now?" He looks over, in disbelief, then hands me it. I inhale and immediately cough. I choke and sputter smoke. Mark plucks the cigarette from my hand and takes a drag while patting my back. I sit up, "That's awful." He shrugs. We sit for a while. I feel a vibration in my pocket. I pull it out, and recongize our house phone. "Hello?" I ask.

"Hey, where are you?" I look at Mark, signaling him not to talk. He nods, "I'm...I just went for a drive. I have to go."

"Wait, are you okay?" I close my eyes for a few seconds, "I'm fine. I just wanted to get away for a while." He sounds tired, "Yeah, okay, but when are you gonna be home?" I hang up. "Eli?" I nod to Mark, "He wanted to know where I was." We sit in silence for a while, then Mark says, "You should go back. You don't wanna piss him off."

I sigh, "I guess so." He stands up and helps me up. I climb in my car car after hugging him, "Thanks for talking with me." He pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles his number, "If you ever wanna talk." He says and heads back to the dock. I start the engine and drive home. It's still dark.

I sneak inside the house, but Eli's already awake and waiting for me. He has Annabelle in his arms, trying to calm her crying. He looks up, "Clare...you can't just leave like that. She needs breast milk, still." He stands up and hands her to me, crossing his arms.

I take a breath, "S-Sorry...I'll feed her." I walk to her room and close the door. I pull my shirt and bra down and Anna hungrily starts feeding. The door opens a few seconds later and Eli steps in. I turn around so he doesn't see me as I suddenly feel uncomfortable, due to the nightmare. "Clare, what's wrong with you?" He demands.

I turn around, "N-Nothing...I'm sorry." I bite my lip, staring past Anna to the floor. "Well, stop it. It's pissing me off." He slams the door on his way out. Anna cries. I cry.


	29. Chapter 29

**Eli's POV:**

I sit up in bed, tired. "Good morning, darling." I look over and see _Julia. _"Jules?" I cry. My first instinct is to kiss her or throw her down and make love all over again. "Come on, the kids are already downstairs for breakfast." I sit up, rubbing my head, "Did I drink last night?" She looks at me funny, "Not that I know of. Come on. I made bacon."

I blink, "Oh. Okay." I climb out of bed, suddenly realizing I'm only in my boxers. I look around our room. It's painted black and grey. "Woah...sweet room." She stares at me, "Are you feeling alright?" I nod, "Yeah, I guess. Let me get dressed." I pull on my clothes and walk downstairs. I see a boy sitting at the table. He looks exactly like me when I was 13. "Good morning dad." He says cheerfully.

"Hey..." I say. I see another boy, younger this time, sitting across the table from him. Sitting down, I start to eat breakfast; bacon and eggs. "Eli, you only need to drive Jozef to school today. Toph isn't feeling well." I nod, "Oh. Well, um, Jozef, come on. Grab your stuff and let's roll."

The older boy climbs up, gathers all the dishes and starts to was them. The younger one, who looks about 6, walks over to me. He already has his backpack on. I was about to open the door when I turned back to Julia and hurry over to her, pushing my lips against hers. I pull away with a huge, goofy grin on my face, "Bye, Jules. I love you." She smiles, "Bye, Elijah."

I knit my eyebrows at the full version of my name, but ignore it and head for the car. I freeze when I see Morty. I smile even more goofy then before, put my son on my shoulders and rush over to it. "Eli!" "Yeah?" I ask, turning to her. I freeze. "Clare?!" I cry. I reach up, only to my there is nothing on my shoulders. I whip around. Morty is gone.

"What the fuck?" I mutter. "Eli, where are you going? It's 2 in the morning." My lip trembles, "But it was light...It was...Never mind...I'm going no where. I-I thought I heard something outside..." I trudge back to the door and past Clare. "Eli? Do you wanna..are you okay?" I shrug, "Fine. I'm...I'm fine..." I sigh, "I'm just gonna sleep." I push past her and hurry to our bedroom. Diving under the covers, I trembled and gripped a pillow tightly.

I felt Clare climb in bed next to me. She soothingly rubbed my back, "Eli...please be okay...it's okay...I'm here..." I sob louder into the pillow. She plays with my hair, whispers sweet nothings into my ears, kisses me...she does everything to calm me down. "C-Clare...Clare...don't leave me, okay?" She lies down and cuddles against me, "I'm not." "No, I mean stay with me...'till we die." She kisses the nape of my neck, "I won't." I turn around and wrap my arms around her, "'Night." I close my eyes and drift slowly to sleep.

**Clare's** **POV:  
**

I hurry to get dressed, as does Eli. Today is the day Sebastian comes home from the hospital. "Da, come on, I wanna see Sabby." Eli bent down and picked Elliot up and carried him towards the door. I pick up Annabelle and follow in suit with Eli. The second we get to the hospital, we rush to the Psych department and hug Sebastian. We take him home and sit in front of the fire place.

**Eli's POV:**

"And then 2 guards held me down and gave me a shot." He said. "You said that already." I laughed. "Well, it happened a lot. They said I was very 'untameable'." Clare nods, "Well, we're all okay now." "Can I hold Anna now?"

Clare gushes and hands her carefully to him. He holds her easily and stares into her big blue orbs, "Sorry I didn't like you at first." He whispers. She blows a spit bubbles, but Sab kisses her, nonetheless. The day goes by fast and soon the kids are soon in bed, and we soon head to our room.

Spontaneously, Clare pushes me against the closed door and slams her lips into mine. I push her back into the bed and climb on top her, kissing her slowly and passionately. "I need to be honest...In highschool, I knew what you were talking about with the Julia thing. I just didn't want you to think I was...crazy."

She looked upset, then said, "I hung out with Fitz." I nod, "Oh." I climb off her, "Let's just sleep." She sits up, "I'm sorry! I had a nightmare, went for a drive and saw him." I turn over, ignoring her, "It's fine..." I mutter. She sighs, "No, it's not. Please...when he tried to hurt you...it was over 10 years ago."

"It's fine." I kiss her and lay down to sleep. She does the same. I don't sleep. Once Clare's asleep, I climb out of bed, following something. A small...light, "Eli." It spoke. "She's leaving you..." I blink several times and tried to catch it. I didn't. I chased it around the house, hitting at it and whatnot. "It's no use Eli...you're loosing Clare." I even got a knife and stabbed at it. I stormed back to bed and tried to sleep, but it was no use; the light-thing was taunting me endlessly. Suddenly, there were so many voices. Getting louder. Deafening me. All coming from the one floating light.

I stormed to the closet, pulled up the carpet, took out a razor and used it as leverage to pry up the loose floor board. I reached in and pulled out the .22 I bought on the streets. I turned around to see the light and chased it. It lead me outside yet I followed the damned thing. I chased it down the roads for blocks until it stopped. I smirked and aimed the gun carefully and fired 2 shots. The light disappeared and I saw a man, who had been standing behind the light, clutch his chest.

"Wha-" I started. The man collapsed, coughing and sputtering. My lip trembled; the light had tricked me. I turned around and sprinted back towards our house, 12 blocks away. Once I got home, I shoved my clothes, shoes and the gun in the floor space. Naked, I climbed in bed, huddling against Clare.


	30. Chapter 30

_Alan Sirap, 36, was found dead, courtesy of two twenty-two caliber gun shots, last night at 12:34 on a sidewalk, coming home from work. "It wasn't a robbery," Says police lieutenant Jeremiah Walkers, "His wallet, with over $50 inside, was left untouched." No one is suspected yet, but it is still an open case._

I lower the paper slowly. "Eli, are you okay?" I nod, "Umm, this article...it's...disturbing." She takes the paper from me and reads it. "It is." Once Clare goes to feed Anna, Sebastian grabs the article. He walks up to me, "I know you did it." I tense, "Wh-What are you talking about?" He smirks, "You killed him. I know you did."

He turns on his heel, as I often used to, and struts over to his backpack. Clare and Elliot come out and the boys head for the door. Sebastian turns back to me, smiling. I look down, ashamed. Clare turns to me, "Eli, aren't you going to work?" I look up, "Oh...yeah." I stand up and search for my tie. Clare picks it up from the counter and ties it around my neck. I kiss her.

"Hurry up! I wanna be early!" Elliot yells. Clare turns around and we walk out holding hands. "Bye, Clare." We kiss one last time, and she heads back inside. "Get in, guys." The boys hop in my car, Sab in the front, and we start the drive. Once we arrive at the elementary school, I hug the boys, and head to work.

**Sebastian's POV:  
**  
Me and Elliot walk for a while, until we get to his classroom. Mrs. Pratt looks at me, "Sebastian, could you come here for a moment?" I nod and walk to her desk, "Yes?" She purses her lips, "You and Elliot are close, aren't you?" I nod, "Very."

"Keep an eye on him, will you? He's been acting...more violent than usual." I smile and nod my head, "Yes ma'am." I turn on my heel and walk out of the class, hugging Elliot on the way out. I soon arrive at my class and take my usual seat in the back row.

I zone out until the teacher calls my name, "Sebastian Goldsworthy?" I look up, "Ubiquitous." Some kids snicker. "Excuse me?" Mrs. Monroe asks, confused. "It means present. I'm here." She moves on. The teacher hands out some math assignments. I spend all class doing them as well as I can and rush outside when it's recess. The second I'm on the playground, I rush to the lower half, where Elliot is.

"Ready?" He nods. We form our hands into guns and shoot at the kids we don't like. I'm not sure about Elliot, but, in my mind, I actually see blood spewing from the bodies. They fall and die. When I blink, they're okay. Some times, I feel that if I never blinked, everyone would stay dead. Elliot rolled over, "I'm tired." I lay down as well.

"Sab, why were you in the hospital?" I bite my lip, "I tried to burn myself. Like, I tried to set myself on fire." He kitta his eyebrows together, "Wouldn't that've hurt? Why'd ya' do that?" I shrug, "I felt like it." The answer seems to satisfy him, for, when the bell rings, he hugs me and skips carelessly back ot class.

I stay at the playground, watching him to make sure her gets to class safe. Once he goes into his room, I sprint to my class, making just as the bell rings. "Mr. Goldsworthy...hardly in time." The teacher scolds lightly.

I smirk my father's lopsided smirk, "But I did get here just in time. No detention for me." I taunt. I sit down and listen, but not really, to the teacher talk. I dream of dad killing that man. Of shooting him. To death. A happy smile spread over my face. Now, if I were to per say...kill someone it is, justified, for I am only following in my father's footsteps.

After more class, lunch and even more class, we are excused. Elliot and I sprint to the car, where mom is waiting. I climb in the front; Elliot goes in the back where Anna is sleeping. "How was school?" I shrug, "Fi-"

"In class, we painted these pictures and misses said mine was good!" Mom smiles and continues to talk to Elliot. When we get home, I anxiously wait for dad to arrive. I have a plan.

**Eli's POV:**

I pull into the garage and exit my car, locking it. I open the door and Clare smiles when she sees me. She hugs me, "How was work?" I shrug, "Fine. Long." I drop my briefcase and sit on the couch, "Where are the kids?"

"Elliot is watching Anna in his room. Oh, Sebastian is on the play structure. He says to send you out to talk." I remember what Sebastian said to me this morning...about the...the murder. "I, uh, I'll see him later..." Clare looks at me funny, "He sounded like it was important. Maybe he wants to ask about the birds and the bees.' She teases.

I sigh, knowing it's worse, "Alright. I'll go see what he's up to. I go out the back door and out to the play structure that I built so many years back. Sab smiles when he sees me, "Hi, Dad!" I walk up to him, "Sab, is this about what you told me this morning?" I ask, quite bluntly.

His face turns serious, "If you wanna get down to business...so be it." I sigh, "Sebastian, listen, I'll give you money, I-"

"I don't want money, dad! I want something else..." I bite my lip, feeling that I'll cry., "Sebastian, how do you even know about all of this? It was...such an...I didn't even see the guy." I say. My breath increases and I sit down, cradling my head in my hands. "Dad, remember when I was 4?" I look up, "Y-Yeah..."

"Remember when you used to hit mom." I drop my head back into my hands and sob. "It's okay dad. I want you to start doing that again." My head snaps up, "What? You want me t-"

"Dad. You could get life in prison for murder. I know you did it." I rake my hair back, "But...she might leave me. I can't lose her!" He kneels in front of me, "But you like hitting her, don't you? You seemed happy when you did. Plus, if you don't, I'm calling the cops and showing 'em the gun and the clothes. I have 'em hidden."

I say between sobs, "Sebastian...I was on the verge of losing her. I will never risk that again." Sab looks angry, then he relaxes, "You can't be with her if you're in jail. Besides, doesn't she deserve it for having sex with Jake? Uncle Jake? Her brother?" I take a deep breath, "Sebastian, ple-"

"Tomorrow. Your choice." He stands up and sprints back to the house.


	31. Chapter 31

The tension is high at dinner. Eli keeps glancing at Sebastian then me. Once, dinner is over, Sebastian walks over to his dad and whispers something in his ear. Eli looks at Sab, then me, then at the ground. Sab looks up at me, then follows Elliot to their room.

I put the dishes down, then walk over to Eli, "Eli, babe, what's going on?" He looks at me, scared. His lips tremble, then he slaps me, "What do you mean, 'what's going on?'? I'm fine!" He screams, and storms off to the bedroom.

I cradle my cheek and hear the door slam. Elliot and Sebastian peek out the door. "Mom," Elliot says, "Are you okay?" I nod, "Yeah, um, Sab, can you go get your sister and some clothes? We're gonna go out for a littler bit." Sab nods and goes to Anna's room. "Elliot, go get some clothes...don't talk to daddy, okay?" He nods and ducks back into his room.

Sab hands me Anna, who's fast asleep, and goes with Elliot to get clothes. The boys come out a second of later. Elliot asks, "Isn't dada coming?" I shake my head, "Uh, no, not this time."

Elliot hangs his head but they both follow me to the car. I quickly buckle Elliot and Anna up and start the car. "Mom," Sebastian says, "Do you wanna talk?" I shake my head, "No, honey, I'm fine." I drive until I get to my mom and Glen's house. "Bring your things in." I carry Anna in one arm, and hold Elliot's hand.

We knock on the door and my mom soon answers. "Clare? What are yo-what happened?" She touches my cheek. "Uhh, I-I ran into the door..."

She turns to Elliot and Sab, "Boys, go to the living room. Grandpa Glen can put on a movie for you." They nod and run into the house. "Clare, honey, sit down." I sit on the couch and cradle Anna close. "Did...did Eli do that?" I shake my head, "We, uh, he got upset and yelled and I didn't want the boys around him when he's like that. I ran into the door on the way out, mom."

I can tell she doesn't believe me, but she doesn't press that subject, "What was the fight about?" I shrug, "He was acting weird, nervous...guilty, I guess. I asked him what was up. He yelled at me. I think work is stressing him out." She nods, "Alright. Stay here tonight. I'll put Anna to sleep. You take the boys upstairs with you." I hug her and hand over Anna.

She looks at my cheek again and heads upstairs, where a spare crib is. "Elliot, Sab, come here." I call. The boys are soon in front of me. "We're gonna spend the night here, okay? Mommy and daddy had a fight, but we'll talk it out soon. Go to bed."

The boys rush upstairs and I lay on the couch, pulling a blanket over myself. I cry myself to sleep.

* * *

I wake up to my phone ringing in my pocket. "Hello?" I say, sleepily. "Clare, I'm so sorry." Eli says. I bite my lip, "No. You don't get to apologize. You-You...I'm not doing this again, Eli." I say, immediately regretting my words. "Please, Clare, it...it was a huge mistake. I really didn't mean to...Oh God...damnit, damnit..." He mutters.

I stay silent as Eli cusses to himself. "Clare. Clare, are you still there?" He whispers. "Yeah." I whisper back. "Please give me a second-no...like a-a...just gimme another chance, please. I didn't...fuck...I'm such an idiot!" He screams into the phone, making me drop it. I quickly pick it up and hit the end button.

A couple minutes later, the boys come downstairs. Elliot sits on my lap and we watch Elmo. A while later, the door rings. Elliot climbs off my lap, still focused on the TV, and I got to answer the ringing. I open the door and see Eli. I cross my arms and stare at the ground, not saying anything. He lets out a slow breath, but doesn't talk either. "Who's at the door?!" Sab yells. He walks over, "Oh. Hey, dad." Realizing the tension of the situation, he goes back to the television.

Eli strokes my cheek, gently, "I'm so sorry..." He whispers, though I've heard it before. "We should talk..." He says. I look up, "What's there to even talk about? Eli, I'm not doing this again...I can't." Tears fall down my cheeks and onto his hand. He fumes slightly, "Please. **Please**, Clare. Don't leave me and the kids. Don-"

"I'm taking the kids if-when I leave." He blinks, in shock, "Is that it? Over 10 years together and you just..just end it?" He demands. I step out and close the door so the kids don't hear, "Try to be in my shoes for a week Eli. Try to have to deal with your spouse's craziness, abuse, hallucinations...everything! I can't take it."

"Don't you love me, Clare?" He asks. I sigh and bite my lip, "Eli, I-" He cuts me off, "Do you love me?" I look him in the eye, "Eli, stop it." I beg, "I don't want to go through this again. Think about how I feel." He cocks his head, "How...How **you **feel? Because of getting hit?" I nod, suddenly scared. "Then-Then let's just s-switch places." He says, with a crazy look in his eyes.

"What do you-" "Hit me, Clare." He says. I freeze. "Go on, hit me. Slap me, Clare! Hit me, goddamnit! Just fucking hit me!" He's absolutely screaming now. His face is red. "Put me in your fucking shoes!" The door opens, and Glen and my mom are there. My mom pulls me inside and Glen yells at Eli to be quiet. "You need to go." He says when Eli shuts up.

Anna's crying and Elliot is hugging Sebastian. "Mom-Mommy, why was daddy yelling?" Elliot asks through sobs. I don't respond, just flee upstairs to the guest room and slam the door.

**Eli's POV:**

I'm running down the road, whispering song lyrics, trying to calm myself. "-And everyone turns 'round...t-to see the source of all the...the...the noise and here I stand..." I fall to the ground from running into someone. I look up and see a kid. Well, not a kid, more like a teenage. 15 at the least. "Sorry, sir, I didn't see you there."

"Fuck, man, don't call me 'sir'. I ain't that old." I breathe. "Sorry." I stand up, as does the kid. I see a ziploc baggie on the ground. I bend down and pick it up, staring at it for a moment, the hand it to him. He looks horrified that I saw the pills inside. "Those aren't prescribed, are they?" He shakes his head, "Are...Are you a cop?"

I chuckle, "Nah, just a guy whose about to get-to get divorced..." I mutter, feeling tears prickle my eyes. "Oh. I'm sorry." I sigh, "Yeah. Me too." He holds up the bag, "These'll make you feel better." He offers nervously. I glance at the pills, "What is it?"

"LSD..." I shake my head, but wonder. "Um...yeah. Pass me one." He looks around, then slips one out of the bag. I stare at the little pink pill for a moment, then swallow it. He takes one as well. "Do you wanna, like, go somewhere?" He asks.

"I'm not gay." I immediatly say. "What? Shit, no, neither am I. This stuff is heavy and we shouldn't be in public." I nod, "Umm...let's go... I don't know." We walk for a while. "I can see clearly, so clearly. This... you... it's all...amazing..." I mutter after a while.

Sometime, later in the day, we find ourselves in a tree. "I'm Eli, by the way." I say. "Yeah...Yeah...you said that." I rub my eyes, "This day is insane."

"Are you really getting divorced?" The kid, whose named I learned is Tylar, asks. I nod, "I think. My wife is being such a bitch." We lay there, in the tree, for a long time, until the sun sets. "Don't you have to get home?" I ask, worried about his curfew. "No. My parents don't care."

"What do you mean?" He shrugs, "My parents. They don't care about me." I sigh, "Oh. That sucks." I check my watch, then say, "I gotta get home. I have work." The boy nods, "Oh. Okay." I climb down from the tree and stagger home. No one's home. Except me.

I lay in bed for hours before falling asleep.

I wake up to my phone ringing in my pocket. "Hello?" I say, sleepily. "Clare, I'm so sorry." Eli says. I bite my lip, "No. You don't get to apologize. You-You...I'm not doing this again, Eli." I say, immediately regretting my words. "Please, Clare, it...it was a huge mistake. I really didn't mean to...Oh God...damnit, damnit..." He mutters.

I stay silent as Eli cusses to himself. "Clare. Clare, are you still there?" He whispers. "Yeah." I whisper back. "Please give me a second-no...like a-a...just gimme another chance, please. I didn't...fuck...I'm such an idiot!" He screams into the phone, making me drop it. I quickly pick it up and hit the end button.

A couple minutes later, the boys come downstairs. Elliot sits on my lap and we watch Elmo. A while later, the door rings. Elliot climbs off my lap, still focused on the TV, and I got to answer the ringing. I open the door and see Eli. I cross my arms and stare at the ground, not saying anything. He lets out a slow breath, but doesn't talk either. "Who's at the door?!" Sab yells. He walks over, "Oh. Hey, dad." Realizing the tension of the situation, he goes back to the television.

Eli strokes my cheek, gently, "I'm so sorry..." He whispers, though I've heard it before. "We should talk..." He says. I look up, "What's there to even talk about? Eli, I'm not doing this again...I can't." Tears fall down my cheeks and onto his hand. He fumes slightly, "Please. Please, Clare. Don't leave me and the kids. Don-"

"I'm taking the kids if-when I leave." He blinks, in shock, "Is that it? Over 10 years together and you just..just end it?" He demands. I step out and close the door so the kids don't hear, "Try to be in my shoes for a week Eli. Try to have to deal with your spouse's craziness, abuse, hallucinations...everything! I can't take it."

"Don't you love me, Clare?" He asks. I sigh and bite my lip, "Eli, I-" He cuts me off, "Do you love me?" I look him in the eye, "Eli, stop it." I beg, "I don't want to go through this again. Think about how I feel." He cocks his head, "How...How you feel? Because of getting hit?" I nod, suddenly scared. "Then-Then let's just s-switch places." He says, with a crazy look in his eyes.

"What do you-" "Hit me, Clare." He says. I freeze. "Go on, hit me. Slap me, Clare! Hit me, goddamnit! Just fucking hit me!" He's absolutely screaming now. His face is red. "Put me in your fucking shoes!" The door opens, and Glen and my mom are there. My mom pulls me inside and Glen yells at Eli to be quiet. "You need to go." He says when Eli shuts up.

Anna's crying and Elliot is hugging Sebastian. "Mom-Mommy, why was daddy yelling?" Elliot asks through sobs. I don't respond, just flee upstairs to the guest room and slam the door.

Eli's POV:

"I'm going to stay at my parent's this weekend. Me and the kids will come back on Sunday evening." I nod, "Oh. Okay. I'll, umm, see you then?" She nods. We stand up, I leave money for her coffee, and walk out. We stop in front of Clare's car, "Bye." I say.

I'm running down the road, whispering song lyrics, trying to calm myself. "-And everyone turns 'round...t-to see the source of all the...the...the noise and here I stand..." I fall to the ground from running into someone. I look up and see a kid. Well, not a kid, more like a teenage. 15 at the least. "Sorry, sir, I didn't see you there."

"Fuck, man, don't call me 'sir'. I ain't that old." I breathe. "Sorry." I stand up, as does the kid. I see a ziploc baggie on the ground. I bend down and pick it up, staring at it for a moment, the hand it to him. He looks horrified that I saw the pills inside. "Those aren't prescribed, are they?" He shakes his head, "Are...Are you a cop?"

I chuckle, "Nah, just a guy who's about to get-to get divorced..." I mutter, feeling tears prickle my eyes. "Oh. I'm sorry." I sigh, "Yeah. Me too." He holds up the bag, "These'll make you feel better." He offers nervously. I glance at the pills, "What is it?"

"LSD..." I shake my head, but wonder. "Um...yeah. Pass me one." He looks around, then slips one out of the bag. I stare at the little pink pill for a moment, then swallow it. He takes one as well. "Do you wanna, like, go somewhere?" He asks.

"I'm not gay." I immediatly say. "What? Shit, no, neither am I. This stuff is heavy and we shouldn't be in public." I nod, "Umm...let's go... I don't know." We walk for a while. "I can see clearly, so clearly. This... you... it's all...amazing..." I mutter after a while.

Sometime, later in the day, we find ourselves in a tree. "I'm Eli, by the way." I say. "Yeah...Yeah...you said that." I rub my eyes, "This day is insane." I said, sipping another one of the many beers we had.

"Are you really getting divorced?" The kid, whose named I learned is Tylar, asks. I nod, "I think. My wife is being such a bitch." We lay there, in the tree, for a long time, until the sun sets. "Don't you have to get home?" I ask, worried about his curfew. "No. My parents don't care."

"What do you mean?" He shrugs, "My parents. They don't care about me." I sigh, "Oh. That sucks." I check my watch, then say, "I gotta get home. I have work." The boy nods, "Oh. Okay." I climb down from the tree and stagger home. No one's home. Except me.

I lay in bed for hours before falling asleep.

In the morning, I get a text from Clare, meet me at the dot at 10... I think we should talk.

As I peel off my clothes, I discover 2 things. One, I still have the pills. The kid must've left it with me. I gulp and stare at them before shoving the in my coat pocket and leaving as to not be late. Oh, and two, I have a major hangover.

I see Clare at the dot and walk inside. She sees me and gives a fake smile. I give one back. I try to ignore the pounding in my head as I sit down next to her, "So...what do you wanna talk about?" I ask. She bites her lip and stirs her coffee, "I don't want to divorce." She admits. I smile, "That's good, right?"

She smiles. I notice she didn't bother putting any makeup where I hit her; the bruise is noticeable.

My head pounds even more so, despite the good news. I rub my head and groan, "Clare...Clare do you have an aspirin?" I ask. She looks slightly in shock, but shuffles through her purse and reveals a small bottle.

I twist it open and, with a shaky hand, get 4 pills from it. "Eli, that's too many..." She says, reaching over to half the dose. I ignore her, and pop them in my dry mouth and reach for Clare's coffee. It tastes sour in my mouth, but I swallow the pills and place the mug down, "Sorry...my head is...sorry." I mutter, embarrassed.

She looks distressed, "Eli...are you okay?" She closes the aspirin bottle and places it back in her purse. I nod, "Just a little headache. Sorry. Umm, so were stay together?" I ask. She nods, "I..yeah...we are. My parents think I'm crazy. Maybe I am."

I finally decide to ask, "Clare, why, uh, why didn't you cover the mark?" I ask, softly. She purses her lips, "I'm not going to do that anymore. If you hit me, I'll go around, covered in bruises. If someone asks, I'll tell them." I stare at her, "Oh. I see." We stay silent. Then I break said silence, "When are you coming home?"

"I'm going to stay at my parent's this weekend. Me and the kids will come back on Sunday evening." I nod, "Oh. Okay. I'll, umm, see you then?" She nods. We stand up, I leave money for her coffee, and walk out. We stop in front of Clare's car, "Bye." I say. She gives a small smile, "Bye..."


	32. Chapter 32

When Sunday night comes, I wait in anticipation for my family to return. Not Sab, though. I feel a sick anger for him. Sighing, I sit down and try to focus on my work. I type for a while, then hear the door open. I turn and see Clare, beautiful as ever, standing there. I stand up from my work and hug her tightly, "I love you so, so much." I whisper.

She pulls away, "I love you, too." We embrace in a kiss, but are interrupted by a little voice, "Eww!" We turn away and see Sebastian with his tongue out. "Sebastian, it's 9 o' clock. Bed time, now!" I demand. He shrinks, frightened by the volume of my voice then runs down the hall.

"Eli! You can't yell at him like that!" She cries. I rub my eyes and leave the room. "Eli..." Clare mutters, following me. I turn around, "I'm sorry. I just don't want him thinking he can watch us like that. It's weird." She embraces me in a little hug, then says, "Sooo...do you wanna take a shower?" I smirk, "Sure."

We wait until the water heats up then climb in. I start to wash off, but Clare turns me around and kisses me. I kiss her and it soon becomes heated. Clare pulls away, giggling, "You're cute when your flustered." I sigh, "You're a tease." She smiles, kisses me, and we finish showering.

That night, as we lay in bed, I think long and hard. Why has Sab turned so awful? Was it because of Harvey? No...damn. I don't know. Could he be messed up like me. How did he even know I shot that guy? I sit up and walk over to my coat. Reaching in the pocket, I reveal the baggie of LSD. I notice some of the pills are different. Some of them are acid. I stare at it for a while, then smirk. I had a plan. I smile widely. "Eli, come to bed..." Clare groans. I slide back under the cover, clutching the baggie close to my heart. Tucking it in my pocket, I hold Clare and drift to sleep.

In the morning, Clare begins making smoothies. Half way through it, Anna begins crying. I pour the smoothies and take the powder from 2 of the pills of acid. and mix it in one of 'em. Elliot comes and grabs his smoothie. I quickly mix the acid in Sab's smoothie an give him it. Clare and I drink our coffee. I have the day off, so I can watch Sebastian lose it.

Within an hour, Sebastian is wide-eyed. his breathing is deep. I watch him from across the room as he stares at the cabinet. It's talking to him... I think, knowing the effects. He stands up and moves away, staring at it. He whips his head around and gaps at Elliot. "Elliot!" He cries, rushing over to his little brother's side. "Yeah?" He stares, "You're...You're okay?" Elliot nods, giggling, "Yesss..." Sab looks terrified.

Clare walks in, seeing Sebastian sweating profusely and hyperventilating. She rushes over to him, "Baby, what's wrong?" The whole time, I'm chuckling softly. "Mom, everything is it's talking to me...erything's talking to me..." He whispers, glancing around. "What? What are you talking about?" She looks at me, and I frown, trying to hide my pleasure from this.

"Eli? Something's wrong with him..." I shrug, "He just want attention." He yells, "I do not! i'm-I-" He cuts himself off in a scream and starts hitting the wall with his fist. I sigh and grab him, ripping him from the floor and setting him on the couch. "Let me go!" He yells, but I keep him pinned. "Eli, I'm calling an ambulance." I turn to her, "No, don't. He's probably just on drugs or something." I smirk to myself. "I'm scared." She states, firmly. I sigh, "I'll take care of him."

I carry Sab to the car, buckle him up, and start driving. He's stuttering, asking for help. _Begging _to help him and asking why my face is melting. "Sab. Sab!" I yell over him, "It's all fake!" He stops talking and turns to me, "What?" I chuckle and hold up the baggie, "You're on acid." I say as I pull over at a park. "I hate you! You're so horrible!"

I grab him by the collar, pull him out, make sure no one's around and scream, "You nearly broke me and your mom up! You're horrible! You're the fucked up one! You tried to set yourself on fire! You know what? You don't even need acid! You're already crazy." I growl.

He looks pissed as fuck and storm around the side of the car, popping the trunk open. "What? Are you gonna hide in there?!" I taunt, laughing to myself while walking over to him just as he slams the hood closed and swings a tire iron, connecting it with the side of my head. I gasp and fall down, feeling blood seeping through my hair. "Don't fuck with me, Dad!" He screams and hits me on the back, "You're right. I **am **crazy. Guess why? Genes! I inherited it from you except it must've skipped a generation, 'cause mom isn't crazy! I got your crazy and whatevers on mom's side! I'm not just crazy, I'm insane."

He sighs and hits my legs whenever I try to stand. I eventually give up. "Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I can get you help, Sab. Just stop, please." I beg. He laughs darkly, "I don't **want help. **I'm fine! You people need to stop being such screw ups and start getting your own help! Don't fucking worry about me! Just stop it!"

He sits down, leaned against the car, breathing heavily. "Sab...Sab, please. I'll hit Clare, I'll r-r-I'll-I'll do whatever. Just don't kill me, please." He chuckles, "Kill you? I couldn't kill my own dad. I would never...I'm not like you."

"What?" I ask, confused.

"Maybe if you were there for **your dad **he would still be around. Maybe if you didn't abandon him to come to New York and beat your wife, he'd be fine and not dead!"

"What is wrong with you?" I cry.

"Ya know what it is? I know when I was born...what was done to make me wasn't...consensual. Maybe that;s why. Because you did that to Clar-er, I mean mom, I got the bad seed and it's really all your fault. You're the reason that I'm insane, grandpa's dead, mom's always scared and why Elliot's is apparently so violent. According to his teacher."

"Do you know who 'God' is, dad?"

I nod, slowly.

"He's real, ya' know? I talk to him. He told me to set myself on fire."

My lip trembles, "No...he's not real...you're-you're...you need help. We'll get you something...meds...therapy...something, Sab."

I, once again, try to give up. Sab lets me, but then he swings the tire iron so it hits my legs, causing me to fall again. One more hit to the stomach and head, and I pass out.


	33. Chapter 33

When I awake, I find myself in the passenger's seat of the car. My head is throbbing. Everything hurts. In the driver's seat, I can see Sebastian. He's reading a book, Manson in His Own Words, and humming. I try to sit up, but can't. It's a wonder he even got me inside the car. "Sab..." I whisper, "Are we home?" He drops his book, startled, "No, we're not home."

He turns to me, "Do you wanna go home?" I sit up, in extreme agony, and nod, "Please." I start to open the car door, but he stops me, "I can drive." I'm in too much pain to argue and just let him drive. I stare weakly out the window, watching the other cars pass us. No one knows.

When we pull in, Sab turns to me, "You'd better play along, old man. All of this," He waves his hands to me, "Didn't happen. Don't tell anyone or I'll tell them your secret." I nod. Once, twice, I can't seem to stop. He sighs. I stop nodding and climb out of the car.

He helps me to the front door, then says, "You're on your own. Don't screw me over, dad." I nod. We walk inside and I try my absolute hardest not to limp, despite the pain. Clare looks oh-so-relieved to see us. "Sab, how are you feeling?" He smiles, cutely, "I'm fine, mom. Sorry I was acting weird. I guess I was just stressed out." She hugs him, "It's fine. Go get some sleep."

She walks over to me, "Where'd you go?" I shrug, "We, uh, went to the park. I let him blow off some steam. Run around and whatnot." She nods and hugs me tightly, making me cringe. "I was so worried about him?" She whispers. I nod, biting my lip at the pain. She pulls away, "I love you." I smile, fakely, "I love you, too. I'm, uh, Imma take a shower."

I pull away and limp, hopefully oblivious, to the bathroom. I close the door and strip my clothes. I wash the blood out of my hair and get dressed for bed.

Clare's in the mood, I can tell. She crawls over to me and immediately kisses me with extreme passion. Without even giving me time to even react, she massages my inner thigh. I moan, "Clare...not tonight..." She flashes an adorable, pouting face. I sigh, "Okay. Just not sex, okay? My back really hurts and I'm just not up for it." She pouts again, but I don't give in.

She doesn't seem too upset, just continues to massage my thighs while moving up slowly. I lean my head back on the pillow and moan when she grabs my 'package'. We kiss for a long time and then Clare tries to pull my pj's down. "Clare, please..." I whisper, pulling her hand up.

She pulls away, "Is it me?" She asks, looking worried. I shake my head, guilt running through my veins, "No, no, no it's not you. Don't say that, my back just really, really hurts." She pulls away from me and turns, facing the other direction. "Clare." I say. "Clare, come on. My back hurts."

She turns over. Her eyes are watery, "It's okay." She whispers. I sit up, "Babe, why is this so important to you? We can have sex another night, right?" She wipes her eyes, "I just feel like...like I'm losing you..." My jaw drops, "What? Losing me? Why would you-"

"Every decision you make is one you make on your own. I just wish you would ask me for my opinion. And now, you don't even want me." Tears fall down her cheeks in full throttle now. "Woah, Clare, don't even say that."

"You think I'm fat, don't you?" She whispers. I hold my hands up, "Where are you coming up with the stuff, Clare? Jesus Christ, you're not fat, I do want you but my back is soar." She stands up, "And I guess that me and my weight will worsen it, huh?!" She yells.

I stand up and grab her by the shoulders, "Please, stop. I don't think you're fat. I'm just not in the mood tonight." I beg. She glares at me, "I'll sleep on the couch." I sit back on the bed, "Whatever. Just...just...whatever."

She leaves the room, and I lie down. A couple seconds later I hear the door open. My head pops up, hoping it's Clare. It's Sebastian. "What the hell do you want?" I seethe.

"Nothin'. Just wanted to say goodnight." I sigh, "Fine, come here." He skips over, innocently. Once he's in reach, I grab him by his shirt, stand up, and slam him against the wall. "What are you gonna do?" He taunted. I lifted him up by his armpits and manage to crash his crotch into my knee. Several times.

He cries out and I drop him to the floor. He lays there, crying, for nearly 20 minutes. I sit on the bed, watching him. "Don't fuck with me, Sab." I growl. I raise my foot, as if I'm gonna kick him, and he scrambles out of the room. I sit down and sigh. How has my life come to this? I stand up and walk to the doorway, standing there for a few moments. Taking a deep breath, I leave the bedroom and stagger down the stairs.

Clare's sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. I walk over and sit next to her, "Can we talk?" I ask. She looks over at with with tear-clogged eyes, "Why bother?" I smile sadly, "Because I don't want you to think that I hate you. Or don't want you. Or think you're fat. Or that were getting a divorce. Or anything, really. I love you. And just because I don't want to do it tonight, doesn't mean we can't do it another night."

She looks down, embarrassed, "Sorry." I smirk, "You wanna go upstairs? Just sleep?" She nods. We walk up, me limping behind her, and lie down. Clare snuggles against me, trying to keep warm. I whisper in her ear the I love her and to have sweet dreams. She falls asleep instantly, but I'm awake for hours.

I sit up, breathing heavily. I wonder what happened to the body. What happened to Alan Sirap, the man I shot. How does Sab know? What if he tells. This is so messed up. I climb out of bed and go to his room. The lights are off. I go over to him and stare at his troubled face. He whispering in his sleep. I listen, realizing he's having a nightmare.

I leave him to it.

In the morning, as I drive the boys to school, Sab refuses to talk. "So, Elliot, how was school yesterday without your brother there?" He looks down, "Sad." I frown, "Oh. I'm sorry. He's here today though." It's silent from there on.


	34. Chapter 34

"It just feels like our marriage is falling apart. I want to take Clare on a little get away, and I was hoping you could watch the kids?" I smile, cutely. She only glares, "You and Clare's marriage should fail! The way you treat her is horrible!" I sigh, "Helen, the way we treat eachother is fine." She scoffs, "You hurt her!"

"I know I have anger issues but they're under control now." She's silent for at least a minute, "Okay. Okay, fine, I'll watch the kids. But if you hurt Clare, in any way, I will-"

"I won't." I vow.

* * *

"This is amazing! How much did this room cost?!" Clare gushes when we walk into our hotel room. She runs chlidishly to the bed and hides under the covers, peeking out like a kitten. I laugh and sit on a stool, watching her play on the lush bed. Remembering all the things I bought, I reach into my luggage and pull them out, arranging them in the bedside drawer.

"What's all that?" Clare asks, trying to look over my shoulder. "Secret stuff, Clare Bear." She gives me a pouting face, so I step aside. Inside the drawer are a bottle of lbe, a variety of condoms, a cock ring, fuzzy handcuffs and a bottle of viagra. "What's this?" She asks, picking up the bottle. "Uhh, Viagra." I mutter.

"What? You don't need viagra." I shrug, "We can go at it longer." She shrugs, "Fine with me. When do we start?" I smirk, "Well, I decided we play a little game. You're in charge of these..." I hand her the bottle, "And whenever you wanna do it, just slip some into my food or water."

"But...how will you know if I did?" I smirk, "It's Viagra, Clare. I'll get a boner." She smiles, cutely, "I know, but how will you know it's from the Viagra?"

"I don't randomely get boners like I did when I was 12." She burdt out laughing, "I would kill to see that!" I cup her face and kiss her, sliencing her laughter. I pull back, smirking, "Are you ready to eat?" She nods as I pull out the food we bought on the way here.

As we eat, I tell Clare I have to use the bathroom. I spend at least 3 minutes in there, giving her a chance to put the viagra in my food. When I come out, I eat quickly and wait. "I didn't put any in." Clare says. I look up, "What?"

She giggles, "You were expecting it." I sigh, "Fine. Fine, be like that." She leans over and kisses me, "Don't be moody." "But you're being mean!" I pout. She offers the pills, "You can be in charge of them." I shake my head and softly say, "It's not fun that way."

**Sebastian's POV:**

"Did you kids have fun at church?" Elliot nods, fakely, opose to my honest nod, "I love religon! Imagine: God's brutality with Satan's intentions!" I say, quickly. "What do you mean?" Gramma Helen asks. An evil smile crosses over my face, "Well, God's the good guy. So we think. He's killed over 2 million people: brutatilty. Murdered them! Slaughtered them for not loving and obey his rules! He's a narcisstic sociopath with a hint of OCD and bipolarism. But his intentions are good! The Devil, on the other hand, has bad intentions, but has _only _killed 7 people! Imagine, with God's brutality with Satan's intentions, someone could be unstoppable!"

"God killed people?" Elliot whispers. "Uh, no, Honey. Well, yes, but only very bad people." Gramma says. "No, only some of them. He killed everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah for no reason other then wanting ot be independent. And then,He killed Lot's wife for seeing the damage he did to the 2 cities. Then He killed the firstborn of Eygpt just to prove he could. And He killed Aaron's 2 sons because they made a bad fire." I take a breath.

"Then he killed a bunch of Israels because not all of them beleived in Him. And He also kill-" Gramma puts her hand over my mouth, "That's enough, honey." Elliot looks uncomforable, "I don't like God anymore." I smile, "I love him." Anna starts crying. We go back to Gramma's house.

"How was church?" I recongize the voice immediatly, "Uncle Jake!" I scream, jumping into his hold. He hugs me, "Heyyo Sebastian." He says. "Can I have a piggyback ride?!"

"Oooh, me too!" Elliot cries. After an hour of piggyback rides, we all fall asleep on the floor.

**Eli's POV:**

"Clare, really?! Now?!" I ask, coming out of the bathroom. She giggle, "You said I was in charge..." I sigh, "Yeah, you are, but I kinda wanted to go out to dinner." She pouts, "Can't we do that another night?" I shrug, "Yeah. Yeah, I guess we can." She smiles and slams her lips into mine.\

**Sab's POV:**

"Uncle Jake, are you going to marry my mom?" He's taken back by he question, "No..." I stick my lower lip out, "Why not?"

"Well, your mother is married to your daddy." I look as innocently confused as I can, "But I don't like daddy. I like you. Daddy's mean." Uncle jake takes my hand gently, "Does Daddy hit any of you?" I shift in my chair, "I'm not supposed to say..." I whisper. "You can tell me anything, Buddy."

I look at the floor, hiding my smile from Uncle Jake, "Umm, he hit Mom a few weeks ago and-and he hit me with his knee, like this." I hop down from my uncle's lap and pick of one of Annabelle's dolls from the floor. Holding under the armpits, I slam my knee into it's crotch several times before dropping it onto the floor.

"Your dad did _that _to you?!" Uncle asks. I nod, "Yeah, except you can't tell anyone." He sighs, "Okay...Okay, but does daddy ever hurt Elliot or Anna?" I shake my head, "No, dad doesn't hate them." Uncle Jake looks too disturbed to answer, so he just hugs me.

* * *

**10 Days later.  
Jake's POV:**

The kids are surrounding the table, waiting anxiously for me to finish building the gingerbread house. I carefully lower the roof oto the house. It fits perfectly. I step aside and watch my nephews start decorating it with candy. We hear the front door open. Clare and Eli come in the kitchen to hug their children. "What's going on here?" Clare asks, picking up a peice of candy and popping it into her mouth. "We're making a gingerbread house."

"It's the middle of May..." Eli says. "So what?" I snap, causing Eli to hold his hands up, as if saying he's guilty. As Clare helps the kids on the gingerbread house, I drag Eli to the living room, "I need to talk to you."

"Let go of me!" Eli cries, pulling free of my grip. I shove him backwards into the wall, "What the hell's your problem, Psyco?" I demand. He shoves me back, "My problem? You drag me away from my family and I have a problem?"

"You hurt Sebastian!" I pin him to the wall with my forearm pressed to his neck. He coughs, struggling to breathe. I raise my knee, slamming it into his crotch like he had to Sab, "Ring a bell?" I ask. He cries out in pain and pushes me to the ground. He climbs on top of me and punches me. I feel blood coming from my lip. He hits me again before someone pulls both of us from the ground and slams up into the wall, "You are too old to be fighting like little kids!" My dad yells, "Your both 30 years old! Why the hell are you acting like you're in grade 5?!" He yells.

Eli tries to free himself, but my dad doesn't let him, "What the hell do you boys need? A restraining order?" Helen comes over and calms Glen down. Clare, holding Anna, storms over to Eli and drags him out to their car, not even able to look back at our parents.

**Eli's POV:**

I try to pull away from Clare saying that I can walk on my own. She only responds with, "If your going to act like a child, I'm going to treat you like a child." As were driving home, Clare says to the kids, "Your father and uncle got in a fight this evening. This does _not _mean it is _ever _okay to be violent. Just because he's acting like a hormone crazed 12 year old, does _not _at all give you the right to ever get in a fight, understand?!" She demands. The kids nod, "Yes, Ma'am."

"He started it..." I whisper. Clare scoff, "So, now you're acting like a damn 5 year old?!" I exhale loudly. "Sebastian, will you tell your father that he's sleeping on the couch tonight?"

"Dad, mommy says you're sleeping on th-"

"I heard her!"


	35. Chapter 35

"And now we restrain him..." I say, using 2 of my dad's belts to tie down the cat. "Then we take Mr. Machete and chop kitty's head off." Elliot shakes his head, "Don't hurt the kitty!" He begs.

"It's for God." I argue. He crosses his arms, "God is bad. He killed people. You even said so!" "Fine, it's for the Devil." I say and swiftly behead the feline. Elliot tries to scream, but it comes out as a meek cry. The blood of the deceased creature flows down the slanted platform it's strapped to and into a metal bowl.

I pick up the bowl once it's full and transfer it to another section where a fire burns. Hanging the bowl over the fire with some string and wait for it to boil. I look over at Elliot, who can't stop looking at the cat. "It didn't hurt it. The kitty wanted to die."

Red steam eventually rises from the bowl, "Look, Elli, the kitty is going up to God so now God will have a kitty." He points at the body. "That's only his body. His ghost is going up so God will have a pet ghost kitty."

"I wanna go inside. I'm cold..." He whispers. I roughly pull him over to the fire and hold his hands over the warm steam, "There you go, my brother..."

Eli's POV:

_"Daddy will be mad at you if you tell him about this. He'll think your like a girl, a little whore girl because you let men touch you." I begin crying, "I'm a boy, though!" He strokes my cheek, "I know. Come here." He picks me up and props me on the counter. "Don't..." I whisper. He ignores me and removes my pants, touching my butt with his finger._ _He stops and sticks his finger in his mouth and covers it with spit. I cringe as he slides it inside of me. _

I wake to a loud screaming. The yell fills the house and echo off the walls. I hear Anna start crying and Clare runs down the stairs. I realize it is me screaming. Clare kneels beside me, "Eli, what's wrong?" I try to sit up but fall off the couch. She shakes me, "Eli? Eli, are you okay?"

I sit up slowly, "Umm, I-I-I-" Clare hugs me, "I'm sorry...do you wanna come upstairs?" I nod, feelings tears fall down my cheeks, "Please..." I stand up and trudge upstairs, holding Clare. We stop at Anna's room and cuddle her back to sleep. Once we're in our bedroom, I break down.

I bury my face into the pillow and cry into it. Clare rubs my back, "Do you want to talk about it?" She whispers. I shake my head, still sobbing. I sit up and hug Clare, just crying into her shoulder for hours. I finally fall asleep, still crying.

**Clare's POV:**

I rub Eli's back all the time that he's asleep. I get tired, but I continue trying to comfort him in his sleep. He murmurs softly. Yawning, I lay down and press my lips against his forehead, gently.

In the morning, Eli doesn't wake up for a while so I begin cleaning the house. I stop in the living room and clean around Eli's Aerosmith poster. He's had it for as long as I can remember. It's huge and takes up a large space on the wall. As I clean around it, one of the corners come undone. I knit my eyebrows together and pull off the rest of the poster. Behind it is a hollow doorway.

I step inside the darkened room wondering why we never knew about it. It then occurs to me that Eli must've know about it. I feel around the wall and find a lightswitch. It flickers on and reveals a set of stairs. I walk down and go slower as I see piles of things. Random things, not in any order. I see trash, too. Not regular household trash, but old popcorn bucket from when me and Eli went out to the movies.

It looks like his room back in highschool. But we took care of that... I shuffle through the things, finding books as well as journals and newspapers. There's magazines as well. All of the boy's baby things. The room is huge and filled with things even from New York.

"Clare?!" I turn around and see Eli rush down the stairs, "What are you doing?!" He cries. "What is all this?" I ask. He grabs my arm roughly and drags me back up the stairs, "Nothing. You shouldn't have been down here." He pushes me out of the place and pulls up the poster, pushing it back on the wall. He storms to his desk and pulls the staple off the desk, ripping it open.

He slams it against the poster and secures it to the wall. "Eli, I thought you stopped hoarding..." I state, rubbing my wrist where he grabbed me. "It doesn't work like that. Just leave it alone, okay?" I place my hand on his forearm, "I don't want to fight. We can just talk about it, okay?"

"No. Why the hell were you even touching my poster? You can't touch my stuff!" He yells. I flinch, "I was cleaning...and the poster came off..." He tightens his lips, "Goddammit. Don't you _ever_ touch any of my stuff again. Got it?!" He screams.

Anna begins crying. I run away from Eli and up to Anna's room. She flails her arms in the crib and reaches up for me. I pick her up and sit in the rocking Clare, holding her close. I pull down my shirt, and let her drink some milk. I hear Eli coming up the stairs and is soon in Anna's room, "You're mad at me." He says.

I don't respond. He sigh and walks over to me, "I'm sorry for yelling." He mutters. "What is all that stuff?" I asks. He sighs again, "I don't know. Just stuff." He sits on the floor next to me and Anna. I finish feeding her and cover my chest.

"Promise me you won't go down there again." I nod, "Promise. Sorry." He stands up and takes Anna from me, "Can you teach me those baby exercising things." He asks, smiling cutely. I smiles and place Anna on the floor, "Okay, now lift her legs." We exercise her for about an hour, then I say, "Wait, why aren't the boys awake."

Eli freezes and looks confused before getting up and rushing to their room. "Sab's gone!" He calls. We carry Anna outside with us and call our eldest son's name. Suddenly, he runs out of the woods, "What?" He asks. Eli walks over to him and wipes his thumb on his face. He looks at his thumb, now smeared with red. "What's this?" Eli asks Sab.

"Paint." He answers. "Where'd you get paint and why are you painting?" Sab shrugs, "A rock." Eli smells his finger, "Smells like blood." He shrugs, "I cut myself by accident." "Let me see." Eli challenges. I walk over, "Eli, he's fine." I insist and take him inside.

**Sebastian's POV:**

I smile as they all go back inside. I sprint back into the woods, pulling my hood on the way to there. It's not a hoodie, though. It's more of a sack with eye holes. I go back out to my camp and sit in the middle of my Sigil of Baphomet. I pull out my pocket blade again and place it on my palm. Taking a deep breath, I close my hand around the blade and pull it out.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I hear my dad yell the second I do so. To blood drips out of my fist onto the middle of the star. I whisper quickly, "Ave Abaddon, Ave Adramalech, Ave Ahpuch, Ave Ahriman, Av-" He grabs the back of my shirt and yokes me up, "What did you do to yourself?!" He screams.

He grabs the knife, "Where is this from? What the hell are you doing?!" He yells, peeling open my hand. I don't say anything. He violently drags me back to the house. Mom's not there and Elliot's still asleep. He sits me on the edge of the bathtub and digs through the medicine cabinet.

I watch him open a clear bottle, grab my hand, hold it over the tub and pour the liquid over it. I scream at the stinging pain and feel tears falling down my eyes, "Stop! It burns!" I scream. He stops and yells back, "So does hell! And that's where you going if you do this kind of shit!"

"You don't believe in hell!" I argue, "You don't believe in anything! You believe in rape and beating!" I scream. He pours more of the alcohol on my hand, "Stop it!" I beg, wrenching my arm free. "What's going on?!" I hear from downstairs.

"Mommy! Help me!" I scream. I hear her rush up the stairs. "Daddy cut me with the knife!" I yell, pointing to the knife that he's still holding. "What?" Clare asks, grabbing my hand.

"I did not! He cut himself! He has a-a star outside!" Dad yells. Mom turns to him, "A what? What do stars have to do with anything?!"

"Like a Devil star...I didn't cut him!" He insist. "Mom," I whisper, "It really hurts." She grabs the bottle, "Rubbing alcohol? You cut our son and you put pure rubbing alcohol on it? Don't you know anything! That stings like crazy. If anything, you put liquified Hydrogen Peroxide!"

"I didn't cut him!" My dad screams.


	36. Chapter 36

We lay down in bed, not talking. "I really didn't cut him..." I whisper. "Really, Eli?" I sit up, "Please, please believe me. I did not cut him. I promise." She sighs, "Okay. But even if you didn't cut him, you can't put alcohol on it." I nod, "Sorry."

She kisses me. I sigh and pull away, "This isn't working." I mutter and stand up. She sits up, "What do you mean?" I shrug, "Everything. All we do is fight." I rub my temples. "What are you saying?" She asks, standing up. "I don't know."

She stands up and caresses my cheek, "Talk to me?" I push her hands away, "You blame me for everything. I hate it. It really hurts." Her lip trembles, "I'm sorry...you just always...you understand why, right?" I chuckle darkly, "Yeah! Totally! Because I'm insane!" I say, sarcastically.

"Eli, stop. Let's not fight, okay?" She pleads. "Why not?! We fight all the time! What's one more?!" I yell. Clare places my hand on my shoulders, "Please, Eli. Please calm down." I shove her away, "Whatever, Clare."

Turning on my heel, I go to Sebastian's room. He's on the bed, reading Hell blazer. I stare for a moment then lift him up by his shirt and slam him to the floor. I go to do more damage, but Clare grabs me, yelling at me to stop. Sebastian only glares at me, mouthing some threat. Elliot huddles in the corner of his bed.

Clare drags me out of the room, "What the hell is your problem?!" She screams. "He's trying to break us up!" I roar. She holds me by my shoulders, "Break us up? We're married! What are you talking about?!" I bite my lip. Harder. I feel an intense pain, growing more and more-so until a popping feeling surges through my mouth and blood drips from my lips.

Clare steps back, staring at the blood dropping onto the floor, "What did you do?" She asks, grabbing my lip. I pull back and close my mouth tightly. Blood begins to fill it and mix with my spit. I open it and let the mixture trail down my chin and neck. "Eli!" Clare cries.

I take hold of my top lip with my teeth and bite that one, too, until it seems to pop and bleed. "Oh my God..." Clare rushes to the bathroom and returns with a wash cloth. I push past her and walk down the stairs, blood still falling from my mouth.

"Eli!" She calls. I smirk and spit a glob of bloody spit onto the wall. I grab a knife from the kitchen and cut my palm open, "Lord Satan, love me!" I scream. "What the hell are you doing?!" Clare screams, wrapping my hand with the washcloth, "I'm trying to be like Sebastian! Since you love him so much, if I'm insane, you'll have to love me, too!" I cry, smiling.

She puts pressure on my palm, but I pull away and grab a sharpie. I'm about to draw the Sigil of Bahomet, but Clare stops me and holds me against the wall, "Eli. You **need **to calm down."

I push her away and feel tears streaming down my face, "Why? You don't love me. You love Sab and-and Elliot and Anna but not me! Why do you hate me?!" I scream. "That's not true, I do-"

"Don't even say it! Can't you see what he really is?! He's a demon! A fucking devil demon killer! He probably kill us too!" I scream, my words forming together and not making sense. "He would nev-"

"Don't say it! Just stop talking! Let's just get rid of him! Just throw him away or kill him or something! I hate him!" I scream, as loud as I can. Elliot and Anna are crying. Sab is silent.

Clare backs away, "Eli. Calm down, please, calm down. We can talk about this, okay?" I shove her down, "No! I hate him! I want him gone. I want him dead!" Clare looks up at me with tears flooding her eyes, "Eli-"

"No! Stop it!" My hand begins to shake as I storm out and slam the door with as much force as I can muster. I climb in my crappy-ass car and drive over to Adam's. Banging on the door, I hold my hand to my jeans, letting them soak up the blood. Adam answers promptly and stares in shock at me, "Dude, what happened?!" He pulls me inside and gets a clean rag, "Apply pressure." He says and finds some water.

"Did you get jumped or something?" He asks, handing me the glass. I laugh, "No. I did this to myself." I double over, laughing, as if it's the funniest thing ever which, at the moment, it is.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" He pushes the rag into my hand, since I'm not doing it myself. "God, I hate my family." I mutter, "**I hope they all die****!**" The way some people do so others can hear them.

"What? Are you okay? What happened with Clare?" I laugh again, louder, pounding my fist on the counter, then look up seriously, "They're all insane." I state. Adam raises his eyebrows, "They're insane?" He asks.

"Oh my God, yes. Elliot is violent or some shit like that, Sab worships Satan, Clare loves Sab, despite the whole Satan worshipping thing, and Anna won't stop crying!" I say.

"She's a baby! And if you're yelling like you are now at home, no wonder she's crying. And what do you mean Sab worships Satan?"

I shrug, "I don't know. He's insane." Adam grabs the rag off the floor. I must've dropped it. "Goddamnit, Eli, do I need to staple this to you?" He demands, pushing against my palm.

I sigh, "Can I just stay here tonight? I don't wanna go home." Adam touches my lip with his thumb, "What happened here?"

"I bit it. It bled. Dude, you should've seen Clare's face!" I say, laughing. Adam's just staring at me, in shock, "God, Eli. What's the matter with you?"

"With me? Nothing! I told you, it's them that's crazy." The rag drops to the ground with a thud, soaked in blood. Adam grabs another one and pushes it against my skin, "Hold it with pressure. I'm calling Cece."

"What? Why?" He sighs, "I know you're not a kid anymore, Eli, but I think she should watch you for now."

"Watch me? I'm not a kid, Adam. I'm an adult freind who is asking another adult freind to spend the night. So, can I?" The rag falls out of my hand.

"Goddamnit, Eli! Hold the damn towel!" He screams, throwing it at me. I stare at him in disgust. "Fuck you. You're crazy, too! You're all crazy! You, Clare, Sa-"

"Get out." He demands. I pick up a nearby chair and throw it at Adam. It hits him, causing him to stumble back.

I storm out and slam the door. Rubbing my pounding head, I drive around for a while before pulling over and puking my guts out.

Blood follows the vomit and I collaspe, holding my stomach in pain. Vimit and blood drip out of my lips. I close my eyes and imagine killing Sebastian. Then, I fall asleep in my own vomit.

When I wake up, it's pitch black and a fowl smell fills my nostrils. I'm still in my vomit. I sturggle to stand up and climb in the car. My back hurts from hyperventleating.

I drive home and walk inside, gently closing the door. The house is clean from my blood and it's all silent. Walking upstairs, I go up to the bathroom. My clothes are bloody, as is my body. I strip down and run the bath. I wash all the blood and vomit off me and climb out of the tub. Instead of joining Clare in the bed, I go downstairs and sleep on the floor.

In the morning, I'm woken up by Elliot, "Daddy, why are you sleeping on the floor?" I sit up, "Because me and your mom are fighting."

"Why?" I stand up, and answer him through my swollen lips, "You see, your brother is insane and mommy doesn't care. But your brother might try to hurt mommy or daddy or someone important."

"Is that why he killed the kitty?" I rub my eyes, "What kitty?" Elliot shifts his feet, "There was this kitty and he killed it. He took your belt and he put it on this thing and he chopped it's head off and put the blood in a pot and made it bubbly and gave it to God and the Devil." He says quickly.

I sit down on the couch with my head in my hands, "Oh, wow..." I look at Elliot who has tears streaming down his face. "It's okay, Little Buddy." I hug him tightly. Clare comes downstairs, "Elliot, go upstairs. Me and your Daddy have to talk."

He stands up, wipes his tears on my shirt and rushes upstairs. "What do you want?" I ask. "I think you should see a therapist." I chuckle darkly, "That's funny, Clare. That's really, really funny."

She looks disturbed, "I wasn't trying to be funny. I really think you should see a therapist and that me and you could go to marriage counseling." A small smile spreads across her face, hoping I'll agree.

"Only marriage counseling. I'm not seeing a fucking shrink." She squeals and hugs me, "The appointment's at 2." I squint my eyes, "You already made the appointment?"

She nods, looking regretful. I sigh, "Okay. Whatever." She hugs me, "Thank you." She leans up to kiss me, but I flinch away, "My lips hurt." I say, still sounding muffled. She makes a disgusted face, "I wish you didn't do that."

"I wish you never had Sab." She slaps me hard across the face, causing me to stumble and fall, "Don't you dare say that about our baby!" She yells. I rotate my jaw, trying to get rid of the numbing feeling. I climb to my feet. Clare backs away, "I-I'm-I'm sorry." She whispers.

My cheek still stings. I never knew she had it in her. I lick my iron tasting lips and turn away, trying not to let my anger get the best of me. "Eli...I'm sorry." She whispers again.

Without facing her, I mutter, "I have to go to work."


	37. Chapter 37

After a long introduction, role playing and dialogue, we get down to the real therapy.

"So, how long have you two been married?" I don't respond. "10 years." Clare says. The lady, Dr. Henley, quickly writes it down, "Do you have any kids?" I answer this time, "3. 2 boys and a girl. They're at my mom's house."

"And, Eli, can you tell me about your injuries? Let's start with the bruise on your cheek." I look over a Clare who answers for me, "He got hit with the door."

Once writing this down, she looks at me again, "Is that so?" I take a breath, "No. Clare, uh, hit me. She slapped me again." I choke out, as if pained by the memory. "Why is that?" I fiddle with the wrappings on my hand that covers the cut, "I said the wrong thing."

Clare scoffs, "Eli has been acting completely manic for the past couple of days! He claims our eldest son is the Anti-Christ and, in an attempt to make me love him, which I already do, he tries to bite his lips off and offer blood to the Devil!" She cries.

I stare at the floor, trying to look as innocent and scared as possible. The therapist gives Clare a moment to calm down then asks, "Are there times when you, maybe, neglect Elijah? Times when he might get the impression that you don't love him?"

"Never." Clare says, "I'm always there for him. Whenever he gets overly-stressed, I'm there for him. Offering to talk."

"That's a load of crap." I growl, smirking beneath my bangs. "Excuse me?" Clare asks. "Nothing, s-sorry." I stutter. "Okay, remember, this is a happy place. We should be able to openly talk. Eli, do you often get stressed?" I nod, "It's just hard to work all day and-and come home to Clare and the kids. And clean the house. And-And-"

She stops me, "You don't need to go on. So, you say Clare gave you the bruise on your cheek? Is violence common in your household?" I look over at Clare, who looks beyond pissed, "All the time. If it's not just hitting, it's...bad things in the bedroom."

Clare looks at me, eyes in shock, "No, that's-" Dr. Henley stands up, "I think we should stop here. We can continue next time." I shake her hand and hurry out with Clare trailing behind me. Once we're in the parking lot, Clare shoves me against the car, "I cannot believe you did that!" She yells.

"I'm telling the doctor that you shoved me." I taunt. She looks like she's going to cry, "Why would you do that! You're the abusive one, not me!" I only smirk in response. "I hate you." She growls.

"I'll be sure to tell the doctor that you do." I say, smirking evilly. She slams her fist into my stomach, causing me to fall on my knees. The blow wasn't very hard, but I make a big deal of it.

Over in the building, I see Dr. Henley giving me a sympathetic look. I look up at Clare, "She's watching." Clare's head snaps up to the doctor. "Oh my God, Eli..." She pulls me from the ground and rushes me into the car.

"I can't believe you!" She says, burying her face in her palms. I start the car and once we got a considerable distance from the office, grab Clare's arm and force her to look at me, "Don't you ever lay a hand on me again. I don't know if you suddenly think you're in charge, but you have no fucking right to even touch me without permission. Got it?!"

She only whispers in response.

"Also, I think you have too much freedom! No more talking to friends. No more...no more anything!" I yell, "No more church, no more...fuck!" I yell and pull into our driveway, "Go upstairs. I need some time to cool off. And if you think for one second that you're getting out of this without punishment, you have another fucking thing coming. Imagine all the pain that you've ever experienced and imagine a pain much, much worse." She gets out and hurries upstairs, leaving me in the car, with closed eyes.

I sigh and start the car, pulling out of the driveway. After about 25 minutes of driving, I pull up to my mom's house. I can hear music playing. After taking one last moment to calm down, I go inside.

My mom smiles when she sees me, and welcomes me inside. She soon realizes how upset I look. "Eli, honey, are you okay?" I shake my head and hug her. "The kids are sleeping. They wore themselves out." I don't stop hugging her. She feels nice and warm and...just so loving.

She leads me to the couch and plays with my hair, "What's wrong, baby boy?" She whispers. "I mess everything up." I mutter. She just continues to hold me.

"Is this about Clare?" I nod and pull away, "I'm ruining everything. I can't help it. I just get so mad sometimes." I mutter. "Do you yell at her?" I nod, "I just lose it. I make everything her fault. And it's not. She doesn't do anything wrong but I must make her feel terrible! I'm terrible."

"Your father used to get mad a lot. So, he started to see a counselor. A therapist. They told him he was bipolar and he took meds. He got better. More calm and easier to deal with his problems."

I sat up, "You think I'm bipolar?" She purses her lips, "It's genetic. Maybe you should see someone." I shake my head and huddle tightly against myself, "No, I don't want to. If Clare knows, she'll leave me."

"If you yell too much, she'll leave you. Try it. Try some therapy." I shake my head, "I messed up on that already. When Clare and I went to marriage counseling, I messed up. I made everything her fault. I ruined it. She'll never forgive me about it."

"Baby, go to her. Go and make things right. When you get mad, don't be around her. Lock yourself in the bathroom and take a cold shower. I'll watch the kids for a few more days."

I shake my head, "No. Don't you get it? I ruined it too much." She stands and pulls me up, "Go, Elijah." I hug her once more and leave the house where I grew up.

I drive home as slowly as I can. Traffic, of course, is bad, but not as bad as usual. When I get home, I've calmed down enough to go inside without feeling angry. Well, without feeling rageful. When Clare sees me, she breaks down and pulls the blankets over herself.

"Clare-" She, with a sharp sobbing voice, interrupts me, "Just hit me already! Just-Just-" I close my eyes and allow her a good 30 seconds of rambling before I speak up, "Clare, knock it off. I'm not gonna hit you. Just don't...I'm sorry." She looks up. Tears have filled her eyes and stained her face.

"I can't control myself sometimes and I keep putting you in the middle of it. I'm gonna try harder." She doesn't respond, only nods slowly. I climb into the bed and sit beside her, causing a flinch to ignite. "Just trust me." She bites her lip and nods. "You don't."

"It's hard to trust you." Usually, I would've thrown her against the bed post or tried to make her regret her words though, today, I couldn't bring myself to it. But, then again, I was majorly tempted to give her a lesson.

Instead, I mutter a weak, "'Kay." Clare, still huddled in her corner of the bed, asks, "Where are the kids?" I shrug, "They're at my mom's. Just until I can fix this mess."

"Umm, so, Adam called." She said. I looked over, "Yeah?"

"Him and Becky are working on adopting a baby girl." I nod, "Cool." We give up on a conversation and just sit in bed for a long time. "Clare. I know I've messed up, but I need some help with this. Can we just try to forget it all? Pick up from before things went wrong?"

The way she looks at me is with disgust. It has a horror stricken part to it with a little disbelief. "Forget it...? Forget what you put me through? All the trauma?! All the Hell? I'll probably need years of therapy to even get remotely past it!" She yells, tears filling her eyes.

"Look, I get it. I forced something upon you before you were ready. I made you have sex with me when you didn't want to. Before we were even married, which I forced upon you also. I know you weren't ready, but...let me put it this way: we would've had sex eventually."

She looks even more angry, "I wanted to wait until I was married. I've always just wanted to wait until I was married. I didn't want to turn out like my sister."

"I knew we'd get married! I've always known we'd get together. From the day I met you Clare, from the day I first laid my eyes on you, from the day I talked to you, I knew that we were gonna get married! I've always known we'd always be together. I _knew _it. I couldn't let anyone else put a ring on you. It even says in the bible that whoever you have sex with, you have to mar-"

I stop immediately when I see tears falling down her face. She chokes out an "I hate you." and runs to the bathroom: her cage. Her sanctuary. Her shelter, her guardian. Basically, somewhere I can't break into due to the lock on the door.

"Clare!" I yell. I climb off the bed and walk to the bathroom door, "Clare, come out." "Just go away, Eli." I lean against the door and rub the bridge of my nose, "Clare. Please, just don't do this. I don't wanna get mad."

"Then go away..." She mutters between sobs. "I'm not leaving until come out. I'm not-"

"I don't care about your stupid pride! Just give up already! I don't wanna see you now or ever!" I purse my lips together to keep from yelling. My body is tense and I feel and urge to rip down the door myself.

"Clare." I seethe as softly as possible, "I just need you to open the door. I don't like not being able to see what you're doing. Just come out."

All's silent until: "No."

It's such a small 'no' that I hardly heard it. She says it so softly that I couldn't hear the emotion behind it. I couldn't hear if there was a tone or if it was full of fear.

But I do know it was resistant. I remember what Cece said and take deep breaths. It doesn't help. I tap my fingers together and push my forehead on the door, sighing, "Open. The. Door. Now!" I yell, kicking the door.

I listen to my deep breathing and her troubled sobbing. "You have 5 seconds to-" I cut myself off with a scream of rage. Clare sobs louder from inside the restroom as I kick the door one last time before storming downstairs.

I grab my phone and hit the first speed-dial: my mom. She answers quickly. "Everything is horrible. I'm freaking out, and she's-she's locked herself in the bathroom because I pissed her off and she won't let me in and I hate not being in control! And I can't take a cold shower because she's in the bathroom!" I yell into the phone.

"This is _exactly _how your father used to get. Just go sit on the couch and yell into a pillow. Just do that until you're calm."

"Okay. I'll try." I mutter and hang up. Slumping over to the front room, I collapse on the couch. I scream for a flat 5 minutes until dropping into a abyss of tears. They flow full of emotion that i cannot express without the accompanying droplets.

I think of all the mistakes I've made over the past 10 years with Clare and remember all the times I took my anger - this anger - on her. Now I have to let it fade away on it's own. How I could've managed all of these years without Clare, I don't know.

I guess I couldn't have. But just not being in control. It makes me feel so weak. Like if I let he have this, I'll let her have more. She'll think she can get away with anything. I can't let her think that but there's no way to prevent that without hurting her physically or mentally. And that will worsen our marriage.

I scream into the pillow again. An hour of de-raging myself leaves me in the fetal position in the corner of the couch wrapped in a blanket. Scenarios keep passing by of me not being in charge and Clare just having so much free will. It scares me. Pushing my legs out, I lay down and cover myself with the blanket.

I hear a click from upstairs. Clare's unlocked the door. It's silent for a minute, then I hear her slowly walking downstairs. Then she's in the living room. "Eli?" She whispers. I feel an imprint on the couch; Clare's beside me.

I grab her by the waist and start to lead her upstairs. "I'm sorry, Eli. Please, I'm-" I sigh, "Just shut up, Clare." I pull her onto the bed and hold her close against me so we're spooning. "Eli-"

"Shh. Don't talk." I tighten my grip only to hear her whimper in pain and discomfort. "E-" I open my mouth and bite her neck. Not hard enough to hurt her, but enough to make her relax and moan.

"Don't talk." I close my eyes and snuggle against her. "What are you doing, Eli?" She groans. "Holding you." She tries to push away, "You're hurting me."

"I _like _holding you like this. Be quiet." She stops talking and relaxes a little more. I move my hands along her waist and feel her stomach. It's bigger then usual. She's gained weight. I knit my eyebrows together and feel it more, causing her to pull my hands away, "Stop it." She whispers.

"Why?" I push against her stomach with my hands again, "I like touching you." I say, smirking. I kiss the nape of her neck and rest against her, holding her as closely and tightly as comfortably, for me, possible.

She tries to push away, but I lock my legs around her and curl back, stretching her body, causing her to cry out in pain, "I'm sorry!" I stop and close my eyes breathing gently behind her.

"Eli, I'm sorry." I kiss her, "You're forgiven." I say, huskily in her ear. She shivers, "O-Okay."

I breath in slowly, calmly and soon drift to sleep.

**Clare's POV:**

I lay in bed with Eli, who's sleeping. His grip is so tight on me, there's no way I can get comfy. I grab Eli's hands and slowly pry them away from each other. He retreats them to his sides, but still has his legs wrapped around me. I'm able to slide out and move over to the other side of the bed.

"Mmm, Clare..." He mutters, reaching out. I move farther to the edge of the bed and he soon gives up on his sleep needyness. I sit up and stretch my back, cracking the bones in it. Eli jolts awake and peers at me through the dark, "Clare? What time is it?"

"Really late. Go to sleep." I insist. He, instead, crawls over to me, "I'd reather kiss you. If that's okay." He gives a reassuring smile, letting me know he's not gonna force anything. "Yeah. Sure." I say, scooting closer to him. He places his hands on my waist and lays me down, gently.

His warm lips attach themselves to mine and his hands play with my hair. He peels my shirt down a little so he can kiss and suck at my chest. "E-li, have you ever thought of having another kid?" I asks.

"Why? We have 3 already." I kiss him, "But don't you think it'd be nice to have 4 kids?" He sits up, "Well, yeah, but I'd like to wait until the other are older so there's more of an age difference." I nod slowly, "Okay..."

"How about we wait a few years and think about it?" I nod, "Okay." I lean in to kiss him, but he pulls away and adds, "Plus, I'm not making so much from my job and with you not working-"

"You _made _me quit!" I cry. "Okay, whatever. I'm not saying i didn't and I'm not saying 'let's play the blame game!'. I'm saying we're not very well supported financially right now." I nod and turn over, facing away from Eli.

"Oh God. You're not...are you?" He groans. "No! Er, I don't think so..." He sighs and lies down, "Whatever." I feel my stomach again.

He sits up and rummages through his drawer, "Here." He hands me a pregnancy test. I rush to the restroom and pee on the stick. Eli and I sit on the edge of the bed, holding hands.

"It's been 3 minutes." Eli said. "I know." We don't move. Only stare at the test on the wardrobe. Eli groans and snatches it. He stands up and reads it. "Well?" I asks. He puts it down with a look of shock on his face, "Oh my God..."

"It's positive?!" I cry, standing up to see. He burst out laughing, "No, it's negative." I relax, "You're a jerk."

He smirks in response, "I know." I sigh and hug him, "But I love you, you jerk." He wraps his burly arms around me, "I love you, too. Even if you do call me names."

"I love you even though you don't let me work." He sighs, "I love you even if you're a meany face." I roll my eyes, "I love you even if you're a lying ass."

He lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder, "That's it. Nap time for Clare." I roll my eyes _again _and fall asleep with him.

**Eli's POV:_  
_**  
"Come on, guys! Mommy and Daddy have missed you!" I say, picking up Anna.


	38. Chapter 38

"Higher!" Elliot pleads. "Me, too! Higher!" Sab says. Anna makes some baby-like noise. "Alright." I push Elliot twice, Sab once and Anna several little times. "Not so high, Eli." She says when I push Elliot, again.

"Come on, Clare. Let 'em have fun." I say, giving Elliot a big push. "Weee!" He screams. I give another push then begin pushing Anna. "Push me, dad!" Sebastian yells. I ignore him and push Anna again, gently.

"Dad, push me!" He says, pumping his legs. I sigh and give him a medium sized push. He throws his legs forward in such a way that accelerates the swing allowing him to launch himself off the swing and fly several feet in the air, looking over to give me a wink, before smacking onto the pavement, howling in pain.

Clare hops off the bench and runs to him, "Are you okay?" He continues to only scream, "No, it hurts!" I roll my eyes and join them on the ground. "Eli, I told you not to push him so high!" Clare scolds. I scoff, "The little prick jumped!" She gawks at me and leads Sab and Elliot to the bench. I storm back over to Anna and push her, rather gently.

Not even seconds pass before Clare snatches Anna away. "Hey!" I yell. She turns around angrily, "Eli, I don't want you around the kids until you prove you can be trusted!" I scoff, "And how the hell am I supposed to do that if you won't let me around them?"

"I don't know and I don't care." She turns to Sebastian, "Go put Anna in the car." Then she turns to Elliot, "Go wait with Sab." I wait until the kids leave then go over to Clare. I get close to her and glare down, "What are you trying to pull?" I growl.

She pushes me away, "Knock it off, Eli. I'm sick of this 'I'm so tough and mighty' act. Just get in the car and let's go home." I glare for a moment longer and stomp over to the car. Clare soon joins us and buckles Elliot. She finally sits in the passenger seat. Turning the key, I speed home and park the car carelessly. Before anyone else can even open their door, I'm already in the house.

Quickly, I peel away the poster in the living room, step inside my secret room, reach around the poster and stick it back onto the wall. I turn on the light and walk down. The piles of things that clutter the room calm me. I curl up on some of the pillows and breath in the smell of the room.

It has a mix of cotton, leather, alcohol and newspapers. I sigh and smile, loving my presence in the room. "Eli? Where'd you go?" I ignore her and zone out, grabbing a beer from the small pile in the corner.

**Clare's POV:  
**  
"Mom, where's dad?" Elliot asks. "I don't know." I turn to Sab, "What do you want for your birthday?" He shrugs, "I just want dad to love me again." I feel tears stinging at my eyes the second he says the words. I wrap my arms around him and hold him, "I know, Honey. But Daddy's not a good man."

"Then why are you with him? I hate him!" Sab cries, sounding extremely emotional and upset. "He won't let me leave him. I don't have a choice. We tried to leave before, remember? It didn't work." He slumps his shoulders glumly, "I know...I just...I want you to be happy, mom." I bite my lip and hug him tighter, "Daddy's getting better. He's changed, okay? So I'm happy."

He smiles sadly, "Okay. Good. I'm gonna help Elliot with his homework." He wipes his tears and goes over to his brother who's struggling to do his arithmetic.

I stand up and go upstairs to feed Anna. Resting on the rocking chair in her room, I pull my shirt and bra down and allow her to clamp down on my nipple. I sigh and let her suck until she's full. And when she is, she soils her diaper. I quickly change her and lay her in the crib.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I replay today's events and try to come up with a solution. Without coming up to one, I go to the next room, Eli and I's bedroom, and search through the bedside drawer for a book.

"I'm really upset right now."

I jump at the voice and whip around to see Eli standing beside the doorway with his arms crossed. His eyes are glazed over and his words are slurred, "I'm upset with _you, _Clare." He slurs. "Let's just talk about it." I offer. "I'm sick of talking. I _try _to talk to you and you just shut me out. You just yell at me and separate me from the rest of the family." He garbles.

I sigh and close the drawer, "Eli, I'm not trying to do that. I just-when you act like that, I'm afraid to have the kids around you. I don't want them to get hurt."

He raises his eyebrows, "You think I'd hurt them? You'd think I'd hit them, don't you? That's what you think of me? You-you-"

"What do you expect, Eli?! You've been hitting _me _for years! And you've already hit Sab-" Eli takes a wobbly step closer, "He's evil! He's trying to tear us apart! He's-" I cut Eli off, "And **now, **you're drunk. At-"

"I can have a drink! There's nothing wrong with-" I raise an accusing hand, "It's two in the afternoon! And to make matters worse, we're fighting!"

Eli lowers his head and glares, "You're the one yelling at me! All you do is make me feel like shit! You ridicule me and make me feel bad about myself! And I hate it! It all you do!"

I purse my lips and feel my cheeks growing dark and angry, "How do you think I feel? How do you think I've felt after all these years? I had to wait at home, with a baby I didn't want to have then, for you to come home and beat me senseless for a reason I didn't know. I lived in fear, waiting aimlessly for the next beating!" I screamed, no longer caring that the kids hear or that Anna was crying.

"I blamed myself all those years! I thought there was something wrong with me! I thought that, maybe, you thought I was unattractive and were punishing me for it! I starved myself and you still hit me! I couldn't stand it! I thought you hated me! I didn't know what I ever did to deserve it!" I finish and lets my eyes flood over with tears.

Eli makes a snarling face, "Maybe you did deserve it! Maybe if you weren't such a **bitch**, maybe I'd treat you nicer! Maybe you _are_ ugly! Maybe I _do_ hate you! Maybe I _do _want to watch you suffer! Maybe you do deserve all of it!" He roars.

_Click! _

We both advert our eyes to the door. Eli steps back at the sight of Sebastian pointing a gun at him. "Whoa, buddy, but that down." Eli says, suddenly softer and soberer. "Get out." Sab growls. Eli takes a step towards him with his hand outstretched, "Give me the gun, okay? Just give daddy the gun."

"No!" Sab yells, "You have to leave! Get out!" Eli swallows a nervous breath, "Just hand it to me, okay? You're not in trouble. Just give me my gun and we can forget this happened." Eli says. I gap, "Your gun? What's-"

"Clare, let me deal with this!" Eli growls. "Stop yelling at her! Stop being a jerk! Get out! Get out, get out, get out!" He yells and fires the gun. I gasp and watch Eli flinch and look behind him, where the bullet had lodged into the wall.

"Get out!" Sab screams. Eli walks slowly towards the door as Sab moves around him, still aiming the gun. Before he gets out of the room, Eli tries once more to reason with him, "Sab, we can just forget this-"

Sab reaches his hand up and cocks the gun. Eli freezes but quickly regains himself and flees. Sab stands in the hall with the gun until we hear Eli's car start. "Sab-"

"It's okay. I had Elliot hide with Anna in her room with the door barricaded. They're safe but I'm gonna go get her to sleep." I nod and watch him fiddle with the gun and push it into his jean pocket. I curl up onto my bed and cry into my pillow.

**Sebastian's POV:**

"Hi Elliot." I greet as I walk into Anna's room. I reach into Anna's crib and lift her out. She stops crying when she sees me and grabs my hair. "Did you kill daddy?" Elliot asks. I turn to him and see tears and fright in his eyes, "What? No, of course not. But he left. And he's not coming back for a long time."

Elliot frowns, "Why not? I want him here!" He yells. "But he hurts mommy. He hits her and makes her kiss like adults when she doesn't want to." I say so he can understand. "He does?" I nod, "Really badly. He makes her cry and he hits me sometimes. He's bad."

Elliot sits on the floor and plays with one of his old toys. I turn back to Anna and smile. She looked just like our parents.

My mind drifts to dad. I tried to reason with him. I tried to get him on my side. I mean, I have to choose one parent. He wouldn't reason with me. Sure, I got him to turn on mom, but only temporarily. So I had to resort to siding with her. Which wasn't so bad.


	39. Chapter 39

"He kicked you out?" Drew asks. I nod, "He's crazy. He pointed a gun at me." Drew and I are currently at some bar. With strippers. Hot strippers. "Man, if Clare knew I was here, she'd kill me. You're lucky you're single." He smirks, "Pretend you are, too." He stands up and calls over a girl, "Yeah, yeah, my friend would like a lap dance." He hands her a 50 and motions to me.

I start to stand up, "Whoa, Drew, no." I argue, but a women, a stripper, is already running her nails up my chest, "You want a lap dance, big boy?" She asks. I stutter as she pushes me into the chair and climbs onto my lap. I freeze up as she rubs herself against me and feels me up. I soon begin to enjoy it and grab her ass to scoot her more onto me.

When she finishes, I give her 20 more dollars and turn to Drew, "Dude, I'm married!" He laughs, "I won't tell." I only groan, "Whatever. I'm going home." I bump knuckles with him and leave the bar to talk to Clare. When I get home, I walk inside cautiously and quickly slip into our bedroom. I see Clare laying there. I think back to our conversation and mentally slap myself for what I said.

I sit down on the bed and stroke her hair, "I'm sorry, Clare." I whisper, yet I still feel angry at her. She doesn't move, only breathes gently. I reach under the blankets and pull her hand out. It's soft and perfect. I lay down and intertwine our fingers. "I'm sorry, Clare. Don't leave me." I whisper. I sigh when she doesn't respond, though I know she's asleep.

Bringing her hand up to mine, I kiss the back of her hand and then each of her fingers. But I freeze when I see her arm. I sit up and turn her arm over to see it better. 5 straight cuts were laid out across her wrist. I stare at them, mostly at the biggest one. It's deep and swollen. I look at Clare's face and know she did it because of me. Standing up, I storm to the boy's room.

"Wake up." I shake Sebastian until he sits up, "What do you want, dad?" He groans. "What's wrong with your mom?" I whisper. "She's sad. Because of you." I elbow him, "Shut up. How's she been acting?" He sits up, "She just cries in her room. She doesn't even help with Anna. You really screwed her up, jackass." He mutters.

I elbow him harder, "You're a jackass. You're lucky we haven't put you up for adoption or foster care, which we outta." I growl. He shrugs, "Whatever." I growl again and storm back to Clare's room, all worked up. As I change into my pajamas, I think about the gashes on her wrist. I caused her to do that. It's my fault. It makes me feel powerful, sad and angry all at once.

Powerful, because just by yelling at her with hardly any effort and making her feel bad about herself, I could cause her to hurt herself instead of me doing it. Sad, because I keep hurting her which probably makes her want to leave me. And angry that she would do that to herself. I can't understand how I could feel these and I hate myself for it.

_Okay. Just make sure she doesn't leave you, _I think to myself. I lay down and wrap my arms around her, "Don't leave me..." I whisper in her ear and cuddle closer to her. She stirs slightly, then relaxes. I eventually fall asleep.

When I wake up, Clare's gone. I sit up and walk into the kitchen. When I don't find her there, I check in the living room, then the boys' room and Anna's nursery. "She's in the bathroom." Sab says, not looking up from his video game. I go over to the restroom and knock on the door. I can hear a soft sobbing that's being tried to kept contained.

"Clare?" I call through the door. I twist the door knob and slip inside, closing it behind me. I see Clare's shadow on the shower curtain. "Clare?" I asks, sliding the curtain over. "Oh, shit." I cry, grabbing a washcloth. Clare looks up at me through tears, "I'm sorry."

I wrap the cloth around her wrist which is bleeding profusely. Clare is sitting in the corner of the tub, with a razor in one hand. "Clare..." I whisper, pulling her out of the tub and onto the counter. I look over into the tub and sigh at the thick red blood that coats the bottom.

I look up at Clare's tear soaked face. I try to say something optimistic, but get caught on my own words. I can't find anything to say to her. I sneak a peak up at her to see tears still falling down her face and a look of frustration.

"We really need to fix this marriage." I say, peeling off the rag and throwing it into the tub, quickly gabbing another one. "We should just end it." She chokes out. I tremble my lip, "No, we can fix this." I whisper, sitting next to her. "No, we can't. We keep trying but it's never gonna happen." She says. I undo the cloth and begin to wash her wrist, "We love each other, so we can make it through anything." She doesn't respond. I turn to her, "We love each other...right?"

She looks up at me with a distressed face, "I don't even know. Eli, the things you said to me really hurt me. I can't do this anymore." I dry her arm and begin to wrap it in gauze, completely ignoring what she'd said. My jaw is set tightly and my body is stiff.

"Eli, did you hear me?" She asks. I puff my cheeks in and out, "No..." I whisper. "We have to get a divorce." I seal the gauze with some clips from the medicine drawer and kiss her wrist. "Eli, you're not listening to me. I think we should go down down to a law office tomorrow and file a divorce."

I turn to her, "No. Please, please, no. Clare, I can't do this without you. I have no idea how to take care of the kids. I _need _you." She stands up, wobbly dizzily, "No, Eli. This is happening and I want custody of the kids." I stand up, "Whoa, no way. No, this divorce isn't happening. I can't-I can't deal with this right now." I stammer and slam the drawer shut.

I turn to her, "You can't leave me. You can't. We'll get past this, okay?" She shakes her head, "No. We can't. Just calm down, Eli." I look at her angrily, "Calm down? You demand a divorce and then expect me to just be calm?! This isn't happening, Clare! I'm not going to deal with this!" I scream. She steps backwards, but I step closer and cup her cheek, "I love you, Clare." I whisper and kiss her. She squirms, but I walk her into the wall so she can't move. Using my tongue on her mouth and holding her waist gently, I give her the most passionate kiss I can.

I pull my mouth away from her, "Don't leave me. We'll go to therapy, I'll take medicine and anger management and-and I'll be good to you and we never have to do anything you don't want to." I whisper and kiss her again. When I pull away, her eyes are clenched tightly and she has a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"No, no, no, no, I'm sorry. I won't kiss you. I-I-" I quickly step back to give her breathing room, "And I'll stop doing that." I whisper, "Come on. I'll-I'll make you breakfast. What do you want to eat?" I ask and open the door, dragging her downstairs. "Um-Um-I don't know. But, Eli, maybe we should-"

"Don't worry, I'll find something. Uhh, why don't you feed Anna?" She stares at me for a moment and nods. I wait until she's gone to grab aspirin from the cupboard and rub my throbbing head. "Okay...okay...breakfast..." I mutter, unsure of what to make. In all the years we've been married, Clare had done most of the cooking.

I decided on toast and bacon. It took me 20 minutes to make it and set the counter, but we were soon all seated at the table. Clare hardly touches her food and Sab keeps glaring at me. I look over at Elliot who looks slightly afraid. Anna ponders her thumb.

"So, Sab. You know you're bad at hiding guns, right?" I ask. He looks concerned and stands up, running to the couch and lifting the cushion. I run after him, lift him up and swing him around to the other side of me. When I lift the couch cushion, I find the gun and tuck it into my pocket, "Back to the table." I order and sit down to finish my food.

Clare moves her food around her plate and doesn't speak. Sab glares at me and looks at Elliot, who looks at me. I nod at his plate and he starts to scarf down the food. Sab finally sits down but doesn't eat. I tap my fingers together, hiding my anger. I make this food, but the only one eating it is Elliot and that's because he's afraid of me. "Sab, wash the dishes. Clare, can I see you in our room?"

She looks at the kids and nods. We walk down the hall and into the room, closing the door behind me. "I controlled my anger." I say, smiling. She glances down at my pocket. "Oh." I mutter and pull the gun out. Clare flinches back and I shove the gun in my underwear drawer, "Okay, now we can talk. I controlled my anger. I was pissed at Sab and I was upset that no one was eating the food, but I didn't yell."

She nods slowly, "That's, uh, that's great, Eli." She says. I frown, "Clare, please. Just-Just be happy. Do you want me to go get you some food? You ate nothing." She shakes her head, "No thanks." I nod, "Okay. Do you wanna...cuddle?" I ask hopefully. She looks down, pondering the idea, then nods, "I guess, sure."

I sit down on the bed and hold my arms out for her. She sits next to me and leans against me. I smirk and wrap my arms around her, "I love you." I whisper. She doesn't respond, only lays down and allows me to mold mu body against hers. "Can I kiss you?" I whisper. She quickly presses her lips to mine and removes them just as fast.

I frown, "If you don't want to, you don't have to, ya' know." I mutter. She purses her lips, "I'm sorry. It's hard, though." I nod and kiss her forehead, "I understand. Take your time." She smiles and looks like she'll cry, "You're the best." I smile, "The best who is about to be kissed?" I ask hopefully.

She turns her head downward, "I don't know...can I wait a day?" She whispers. I smirk, "How about tonight? We can have a night to ourselves? You can go out today and when you come home, we'll have a perfect night. We-We don't even have to do anything you don't want to. We can just talk or something. Why don't you take the kids out for the day and I'll-I'll stay here. And-"

She cuts me off by covering my mouth with her palm, "Okay. I'll go out." She stands up and grabs some clothes to change into. I jog to the living room, "Okay, guys. Your mother's gonna take you out for the day." I kneel in front of Sebastian and whisper in his ear, " And, Sab, you watch your mouth. Got it?" I ask. He glares and walks away. I go over to Elliot, "Hey, buddy, here's..." I pull out my wallet and pull out a 20 dollar bill, "20 dollars. Buy something nice. Like some legos or something."

He takes the money, "Oh. Thanks. Dad, why do you hit mommy?" He asks. "No, no, I don't. I don't hit her. We wrestle sometimes." He tucks the money in his pocket, "But why does she yell at night? It sounds like you're hurting her..." He says sadly. "Uhh, that's...that's...it's something like a roller coaster. I know you haven't been on one, but mommy and daddy do something exciting and we get excited and mommy needs to express that so she yells. But they're yells of pleasure. Of love."

"That's not what Sebastian said. He said-" I pick him up and turn him upside-down, "Sab's a liar." I swing him back and forth and finally put him back down once Clare's in the room. The second they're gone, I go up to our room and open the closet. I slide a box out and pull out all the candles inside. Quickly spreading them around the room, I go to clean up the bathroom.

I groan at all the blood and pour several bottles of bleach into it and let it soak. I hide the gun better. I clean the house. I try to clear my head. Suddenly, I feel suspicious. If Sab had found my gun...what other stuff could've he found? I run to his room and begin going through all of his possessions. I find a few knife, satanic prayers and other disturbing things. In one drawer. He had hid it all under a false bottom.

I look under his bed and pull out some boxes full of toys. Behind them all, was a wooden crate. I look down the hall and close the bedroom door before pulling it open. I relax a little when I see it's only jars of something but pull them out anyways.

The second I see the insides, I throw up. Guts, heads, bones, blood and skulls of animals. I look at the other jars and throw up once more before shoving the jars back inside and retrieving my laptop. After an hour of searching, I manage to find a school. A boarding school. In Winnipeg. I quickly call them and arrange a interview with the dean set in 2 days.

I smirk and go to the closet, and pull out a suitcase. Once finishing packing all of Sab's things and throwing out his inappropriate things, I print out and begin to fill out the school applications.

When Clare gets home, I rush to our bedroom and light all the candles. I rush back to the living room and greet Clare with a hug, "Hi, baby." I smile and lead her to our bedroom. She gasps at the candles and rose pedals that cover the room. "Eli, this is...it's beautiful." I smile and move her to the bed, "How was your day?" She shrugs, "Fine. Elliot got a new toy. It's a plane that the boys can add to their collection."

I chuckle, knowing the plane collection is already packed, "Yeah...I guess." Clare ignores my strange behavior and tries to make small talk, "So...what do you wanna do?" I smirk, "I wanna kiss you." Her smile immediately fades, "Oh...I-I-"

"You're still mad at me." I accuse. "Well, you did say some really upsetting things...And I can't get over it. You really hurt me." I stand up and go around blowing out all the candles, "Okay." I mutter and unbutton the vest. Once it's off, I put a less sexy shirt on and walk out of the room. "Eli!" Clare calls.

I stop in front of Sebastian, who's blocking me from passing him. "Where's all my stuff?!" He yells. I bend down, "I found your animal specimens, you little devil. I found your bloody knifes and your satanic prayers and all your crazy crap. I'm getting rid of you. Boarding school. We're going there the day after tomorrow and I'm dropping your ass off." I say. He glares and runs to the living room. "Sab, calm down." I walk after him, only to have him swing a bat at my gonads.

I cup my crotch and fall down, "Oh, God..." I groan. He huffs his cheeks out, "You suck." And runs to his room. "Eli?" Clare asks. I look up at her, still cupping my crotch, "Yeah?" I ask. "Are you okay?" She kneels down next to me. "Fine. I'm fine. I just...I broke the news to Sab about...he's going to boarding school." I choke out.

"What? And you didn't think we should talk about this?" I grab the side of couch and pull myself up, "I couldn't. Listen, I found some...I found this great school and I think he'll be able to really flourish there. And it's shared rooming, so he'll be able to make some friends. I mean, Clare, he has no friends. I think this will be good for him. Plus, it'll help him get into a good college. It'd be _selfish_ to keep him here." I say, knowing I pointed out some good reasons.

Clare's face slowly changes, "I never thought about that. You're right...I guess I'll just miss him. And his birthday's coming up!" I shrug, "All the more reason for him to make new friends. Clare, this'll be good for him."

She nods, "Okay. I can do this. You're right..." I smirk, "Yeah. Let's go to bed." We walk to our bedroom and lay down, staring at the ceiling. She sits up and wraps her arms around my chest. I look up with a smirk on my face, "Hello, there."

She presses her lips against mine and moves her lips in sync with mine. Right as I get hooked from the ecstasy of the kiss, she pulls away with a huge smile on her face. I smirk, "Wow." I whisper, softly. She lays down and cuddles closely to me. "You don't have to say it back now, but I love you."

**The Next Morning.**

"Sab, you know your father's not doing this to hurt you, right?" He shrugs, "I guess. It just sucks that he does all this without discussing it with any of us." I frown, "He knows what's best...You'll like it there, I promise." He nods, "Okay. I understand." He smiles and kisses my cheek before fleeing to his room.

"I know what's best? I feel flattered!" Eli says, holding his hand over his heart. I smile slightly and nod. He walks over and tilts my head up to kiss me, but I turn away, suddenly feeling...dirty. I just wish I could get past all the trauma. The problem is that I've bottled all my feelings and finally let them out. And now I can't handle them. I can hardly handle looking at Eli and when I do, I begin to remember what he'd done to me.

"Are you ever gonna get past this?" Eli snaps. I flinch and step back, "S-Stop it..." I whisper. My eyes are clenched tightly and I keep them closed until I hear him walk away. I slowly open my eyes and sneak to the bathroom, glancing at Eli, who's laying on our bed.

I try to lock my feelings away, but I can't. The only person I can think of to comfort me is Eli and that disturbs me. It seems that every time that he hurt, raped or attacked me, he'd be there the next moment just holding me and saying everything would be okay. Despite all the pain and terror that he brought me, he made me think that everything would turn out fine. He would say he loved me and made me feel special. Until the next beating. And I only felt special while he held me. Which wasn't long. And after over 10 years of holding all my emotions inside, they spilled out in the fight Eli and I had a few nights ago.

And I don't think things will ever go back to normal.


	40. Chapter 40

I walk through the hall and into Sab's room. Well, Sab's old room. He was gone. At that boarding school. Anna is at my mom's house. And Elliot is at school. Eli's at work. And I'm all alone. I couldn't handle anything anymore. I keep fearing that Eli will hurt me; he always did so when he was acting nice. Before, one of my escapes was sleep, but those are just full of nightmares. I haven't slept for 2 days.

I tried to watch TV, but I ended up settling to sleep. I was hoping no nightmares would happen but I did have one memory.

_"Everything is taken care of, so just relax. Sab's at my mom's and we're here. Just enjoy yourself." He whispers in my ear. It's our honeymoon and Eli had got us a room at a fancy hotel in north New York. We were standing in an elevator and Eli had his hands on my waist. "Okay..." I respond softly. When the doors open, Eli takes my hand and leads me down the hall, reading out the room numbers, "436, 438, 440, hey 442!" He says, pulling out his room card._

_For the past 2 weeks, Eli hadn't even attempted to rape me, saying that our honeymoon would be more special is we hadn't had sex for a while. It just made me scared. _

_Eli pushes the door open and sees our luggage that the bellboy had dropped off. I explore the room and hear Eli come up behind me. He places his hands on my waist and begins to kiss my neck. I tense up and pull away from him. His eyes darken and he growls at me, "What are you doing?" _

_"I-I-" His eyes relax, "Oh, yeah! Wait a second..." He pulls open his suitcase and reveals a shopping bag, "I got this for you." He says and hands me the bag. I frown at what's inside and pull it out. Lingerie. A white lace Chemise. I look up at Eli, who's smiling, "Do you like it? It took me an hour to choose it out." I nod, "I'll, uh, go put it on." I go into the restroom and slip into the small lace.  
_

_I walk outside, feeling extremely nervous and exposed. He steps forward and smirks, "You're beautiful." He says and wraps his arms around me. "Eli, maybe we should-" He cuts me off by turning off the lights and closing the curtains so it was pitch black. I froze and shuddered, not being able to see him. Suddenly, I felt his lips against my neck and his hands on my waist. He moved me back until I fell onto the bed and was being kissed and groped. _

_"Eli...Eli, stop." I whispered. He stopped, for a moment, and asked, "It's our honey moon, okay? We're supposed to have sex." I try to push him off me, but he spread his legs and kept me pinned. "I don't want to..." I beg. He laid back on top of me and kissed my neck, "I do. Just go with it." He assured and sits up, "Take my shirt off." He commanded. I gulped and slipped his shirt over his head._

_"Massage me. Down there." He grabbed my hand and placed it on his crotch. I could feel tears falling down my face as I unwillingly touched him._

I wake up covered in sweat and tears. Our honeymoon had been horrible and I hate to remember it. I feel a soothing hand on my back, rubbing circles. I look up at Eli, who's sitting on the edge of the bed. "Eli?" I mutter. "Hey, Love. Sit up." I do as he says and rub my eyes. "Take this. I got them for you." He hands me 2 green and tan pills and a glass of water.

"What is this?" He shows me the pill bottle, "It's Prazosin. It's for your nightmares and flashbacks. For your 'PTSD'. You have that, I guess." I read the bottle and swallow the 2 pills, "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" I asks. He shrugs, "Nah. I quit." He says, nonchalantly. "You quit your job?!" I cry. He burst out laughing, "No, I'm just using my vacation time. I'm gonna make sure you get better."

I nod slowly, "And that's what the pills are for?" He smirks, "Yup. I really want this marriage to work. And with Sab away, I think it could. And maybe we could all relax a little." I nod, "Alright. So, um, what should we do during your vacation?"

He shrugs, "Whatever's fun. We could go see a movie or something." I stand up and go to the kitchen where I pour myself and Eli a glass of wine, "Let's just stay home and watch some TV. He shrugs and takes the wine, "Fine by me."

During the movie, I tried to make serious conversation, "Why did you _really _send Sab to boarding school. I know it's not because you think it will 'be good for him'." Eli turns to me with a darkened look, "Because I found animal parts in his room. I found guts and bones and even blood in jars, Clare. I don't want him in the house. He kills ani-"

"Whatever, Eli. Show me the proof and I'll believe you. And that doesn't give you permission to kill animals."

2 movies and several glasses of wine later, I was leaning against Eli and giggling. Eli keeps pushing me back and trying to get me to focus on the movie, but instead, I kiss him. He sighs and makes me continue to watch the movie, not allowing us any affection. "Elijah..." I whisper. He ignores me. "Eli, I'm sleepy." I whisper. He stands up and helps me to the bed room. We both lie down and fall asleep.

Hours later, the phone rings, though neither of us gets up. I turn over and shake Eli, "Get the phone..." I groan. He sighs, "No, you get it." I sit up, rubbing my head, "I don't want to. Just let it ring."

I groan again and stand up, "My head hurts. I'll get it, lazy-ass." He chuckles in response. I pick up the phone, "Hello?"

"Clare, Elliot was wondering if he could spend the night here. No one picked him up from school, so he walked to our house."

"Oh my Go-gosh..." I mutter, "We fell asleep I'm so sorry, mom. If it's fine with you, he can stay the night. How's Anna?" I ask, sitting on the couch. "She's fine. She misses you, of course, but she's doing fine. Have you heard from Sebastian?"

"No. He's still mad at us for sending him away. Wait a moment." I walk outside and speak softly into the phone, "I tried to talk to Eli about it, but he keeps saying something about dead animals in jars or...I don't know. He worries me, sometimes."

"Clare, you know we would all understand if you got a divorce, right?" I sit down in the front step, "I don't know...He's-we're trying to fix our marriage."

"Clare, does he still hurt you? I need to know." I bite my lip, but know I can tell the truth, "No, he hasn't in a while, mom. He's better. We're better. We just watched a couple of movies, had a drink and slept." Helen sighs, "And that's why you couldn't pick up Elliot?" I wiped my eyes, "I'm sorry, mom. I just...we're trying to fix our relationship. He's trying really hard, mom. He's just like the Eli from high school."

"Okay, Clare-Bear. If you _ever _need a place to stay, just come home. You're always welcome." I smile, "Bye, mom." I hang up and walk back inside. Eli's still laying in bed, now shirtless. "Hey, Clare." He says, though his eyes are closed. "Hey. I don't feel good."

He hums. I lay down and snuggle against him, "Make me feel better. Get me some aspirin." He chuckles, "Sorry, Blue-Eyes. You can't take other medicine with the whatever-it's-called."

I groan and turn over, "Please, Eli..." He stands up and opens his drawer. He shuffles threw it and finally pulls his hand out, holding a little pill, "Do you want this?" I nod and reach for it. He hands me the same water that I'd taken with the other pills with and I quickly swallow it. Eli takes two of them.

Lying down, I close my eyes and soon feel Eli beside me, "How do you feel?" I hum softly, "A little better." We cuddle for an hour, half awake, half asleep. I feel him cuddle closer to me and kiss my neck. I giggle, "What are you doing?" He kisses my neck again and wraps his arms around me, "I feel funny. Do you feel funny?"

I turn around, "I do. I feel sleepy. But I don't wanna sleep." He kisses my neck again, "I feel like I love you. I do love you." He kisses my neck longer and bites me. I moan and bring his lips to mine, "What-I feel so weird, Eli. I feel so good." I moan against him.

"What-oh my God. Clare, I don't think that was aspirin." I ignore him and kiss his soft lips. He pulls away again, "Clare, I got all of these pills from Drew. He just said what they're for. I don't know if he told the truth." I sit up, "I don't care. It's fine. I feel good. I never wanna stop feeling like this. I wanna be happy forever." I say, smiling at him.

"Uhh, okay. What do you wanna do?" I shrug, "I dunno...you...?" He stands up slowly, "No. You...you wanted to wait. We have to fix our marriage first. No sex." I pout, "Fine. Just kiss me." He smirks lazily and climbs onto the bed, "I can do that." He places his lips on mine and moves them quickly and sexily. His hips grind against mine and his hands grip my waist tightly.

I moan and move my head to the side, allowing him to bite down on my neck. I moan loudly, and i can feel him smirk against me in response. "Eli...Eli..." I mumble. "Clare, we're on something. Whatever Drew gave me-"

"Is amazing. Keep kissing me." I beg. He does just that. We kiss for a long time before cuddling and falling asleep.


	41. Chapter 41

"Do you think your mom will like the chocolates?" Clare asks. "Well, if she doesn't, I'll say you chose 'em out." She scoffs and calls me 'mean', causing me to chuckle. "How old is she turning." I shrug, "Like, really old." With a slight giggle, we pull in to my mom's driveway and walk inside, not bothering to knock; we're family.

Cece sees us and immediately hugs me and then Clare. "Happy birthday, mom." I hand her the chocolates, "Clare chose them out." I say quickly and Clare gives me a light smack on the arm. "Your uncle's here to join us for dinner. He's went to the bathroom, should be back any moment."

"My uncle? Uncle Jesse?" She shakes her head and, before she can respond, my Uncle Abe appears from the hallway, "Hey, Eli! It's been, what, 10 years?" My smile fades and I feel a frown replacing it. I try to respond, but he turns to Clare, "Is this the wife I've heard so much about?"

Clare blushes and shakes his hand, "I'm Clare." I wrap my arm protectively around her and keep my jaw slack. "Eli, say hi." Cece urges. I give a slight nod and mutter an incoherent 'Hi.'.

_"Stop it, Eli. Stop being a little shit and behave yourself! Your parents are off trying to get a break from you and I have to watch you." I backed up into the corner and am soon engulfed by his cock, which he forced to suck until he came, which he made me swallow_.

Feeling vomit rushing up from my stomach, I let go of Clare and grab the banister to hold me up and spew puke onto the floor. I feel hands gather my hair and pull it from my face, as to not get soaked in vomit. "Jesse, can you go get a mop. Clare, take Eli upstairs." Cece says. I trudge upstairs without even waiting for Clare and go to the bathroom.

Clare comes in behind me, "Are you okay? Is it car sickness?" She asks. I turn to her, "Can we go home?" It comes out in a hoarse whisper. "What? Why? What's going on?" I close the door and begin to wash my face and rinse out my mouth, "I just wanna go home. I don't feel good." She rubs my back in circles, "Try to see past it. It's your mom's birthday."

I close my eyes and splash some more water on my face, "I'm just gonna shower." Nodding, she turns around and leaves me alone. I close and lock the door and climb into the shower. I literally scrub my body for an hour, until it's raw.

I get dressed and look at myself in the mirror, examining my reddened arms. Splashing even more water on my face, I go downstairs in hope that my uncle is gone.

He's not.

My mom, Clare and _him _are sitting in the living room, eating dinner. I stand there for a moment, and my mother notices me, "Eli, there you are! How are you feeling?" I glance over at Clare, who's sitting too close to my uncle. They're about a foot apart, but that's much to close for my taste.

"I'm fine, mom." I say and sit down by Clare, quickly wrapping my arm around her and pulling her closer to me, farther from my uncle. "Eli, are you hungry? There's food i-"

"I'm good." I say quickly. "So, what happened to Elijah? I liked that name." Abe says. I tighten my grip on Clare, "Yeah, well, things change."

"We were just talking about when you were on the little league team." I nod, not commenting. "I remember the game when you scored that home run and Abe took you out for icecream. Oh, your father and I wanted to go so bad, but I had pneumonia and Bullfrog was working. If we'd known how well you were gonna do that day, we would've forced ourselves to come. Oh, I have to show you the picture, Clare!"

She stands up and pulls Clare from my grip, leading her upstairs, where we keep the photo albums. I begin to stand up as well, but I feel a hand hold me to the couch.

"Eli, why do things need to be awkward? Forgive and forget, right?" Uncle Abe says. "Let go of me." I growl. "Eli, stop it. We're both adults now and we should act like it."

"Adults don't hurt people for no reason!" I cry. He moves his hand farther up my leg, "Oh, come on, Elijah! Tell me you've never had any thoughts to hurt someone. You know how it is, I'm sure. Everyone has thoughts like these Eli. And certain people act out on them. Tell me you've never had those thoughts."

I open my mouth to deny it, but know I have had those thoughts and acted out on them with Clare, "It-It-you did those to me when I was a kid, though! I was so young, it's not fair!" I seethe.

He moves his hand ever farther up my thigh, and I tense up, "Stop." I whisper. "Elijah, come on. You're right, about you only being a kid. But we're _both _adults now, and there's nothing wrong against this."

"I'm married. I'm _straight. _And I don't like this!" I yell and shove him off the couch. In seconds, we both here footsteps coming down the stairs and the girls are in the room. I stand up, "I'm-I'm-we're going home. I wanna go home." I stutter, standing up.

"Eli..." Clare comes over to me and places a hand on my bicep, which I promptly remove, "I wanna go home." I say. "I wanna go now!" I rush out of the house and grab the handle, pulling the car door open.

"Eli-" I turn at the voice and see Clare, "I'm going home. I don't care if you wanna stay here, but I'm gone." I say. "I know. We can go home. I'm coming with you, come on. Let me drive." I step away and go around to the passenger side. She starts the car and turns onto the road, oblivious to my forming panic attack.

"Do you need to talk about it?" I look up, "What? No. No, I don't. I just-I-I just want to be home." She holds her hand out, "Are you...Are you having a panic attack, Eli?" I sigh, and take her hand, squeezing it tightly, "Just get me home, please."

"I am." I pull my legs up to my chest and bury my head between them. My breathing is heavy and I force myself to ignore to flashbacks. But they keep on coming.

_"Awesome game. Now, come on. You need to shower." He, with his arm draped around my shoulders, leads me to the bathroom and comes in with me._

"Eli, we're home." Clare shakes me and unsteadily get out of the car and hobble to the house, with her assistance. "I'm gonna go lie down..." I whisper and lower myself to the floor. "Eli..." She whispers and kneels down, "i'm worried."

"Talk to me." She whispers, "I know you miss you dad, but, Eli, he's gon-" "What?' I ask, "Abe told me why you got upset. I know you don't like when people bring up your dad, but you-"

"That's what he told you? I-I- whatever. I need to just sleep." But I couldn't sleep. I violently trembled. Clare held me tightly and told me that everything was alright, but the panic attack only worsened.


	42. Chapter 42

I rub Eli's back and note how tense it is. It's hard, hot and full of knots. He's sweaty, too. So sweaty, that his skin seems to glimmer in the sun peering through our window. His hair is matted to his face and neck. He's lying, asleep, on the living room floor.

I suspect his body is sore; it feels like he needs to go to a chiropractor. His entire back is covered in knots, presumably from last night's panic attack. It had been one of the worst in years and I can't help but feel scared. After the majority of his panic attacks, he, once again, becomes violent.

The kids are home; my mom dropped them off last night. They're sleeping, luckily. I'm not sure what I'll say when they wake up to find their father asleep on the floor. I sigh softly and shake him, "Eli, come on, please wake up."

He gives a little groan, but doesn't wake. I shake him a little harder, "Eli, up time." He chuckles softly, "I'm not 3, Clare." I smile, knowing Eli's not in a bad mood, even considering the panic attack, and that he won't become violent.

"How are you feeling?" He tries to push himself up and exhales loudly, "Everything hurts. I hate panic attacks."

"Me too." I mutter. He pulls himself up and moves his arms behind him, hooking his hands together and twist his arms up. A series of cricks and cracks comes from his body.

Eli bends one arm, causing even more cracks to erupt. "Ow." I say. He drops his arms and sighs loudly, "What's on the agenda today?"

"Well, you have to drive Elliot to work." He checks his watch, then says, "I have 90 minutes to get ready. I'm gonna shower. And I see I have to take off hardly any clothes. Did you undress me?"

I glance down, remembering that I had took Eli's shirt and pants off because he was burning up, "You we're really hot. So, yeah." He purses his lips "Alright. I'm gonna go and shower."

Once Eli's in the shower, I go to Anna's room and lift her up. She immediately reaches for my shirt and begins to breastfeed. I sit for a while and soon hear Elliot behind me, "Mom, it's time to go to school." I smile, "You still have an hour before class starts."

"I wanna go now." I pull up my clothes and take Anna to the living room, "Daddy will give you a ride when he leaves." He sighs, "Fine." And runs to his room. He reminds me of Sab. I rock Anna back and forth and hold her up by her hands to let her walk. And, as I did so, memories began to come to me.

_"What're you doing home?" I ask Eli, who shoves his way into the house. "Well, jeeze Clare. I live here too, don't I?" He asks. His voice is jagged and forceful. "Shouldn't you be at work?"_

_He, with a face full of anger, turns to me, "Since when do you plan my life?! I'll be where I wanna be when I wanna be there. And I don't wanna be at work now!" I take a step back, "Okay...are you hungry?"_

_He scoffs, "Do I look hungry? Figure it out!" I clench my lips, feeling annoyed, "Get out." I say strongly. He raises his eyebrows, "Excuse me?" I walk over to the door and open it, "If you're just going to yell at me, then get out. Come home when your happy."_

_He storms over to me and slams the door, which, unfortunately slams on my hand. I cry out and drop to my knees holding my red fingers. Tears pour down my face and I try shaking the pain away, all while crying loudly in pain. "I-I'm sorry." He cries and bends down to look at my hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-to..." He kisses my fingers and grabs an ice pack from the freezer. "I'm sorry." He repeats it over and over again._

**_"You can never leave me _**_because no one will ever want a slut like you." He barks. I tense up, "Don't-don't say that..."_

"Clare? Are you okay?" I look up, "What? Yeah...yeah, of course." He squats next to me, "'Cause I've asked you that 3 times. And you only responded now." I scratch the side of my head, "I'm fine. I was just thinking."

_"Eli, stop." I beg. He's so close to me that his feet are on mine, "Shut up." He's glaring down at me, with those dark and evil eyes that appear when he's mad. He's trying to scare me, I know, and it's working. "Are you trying to tick me off?"_

_"No...No I just-" He steps on my toes with his heavy boot. "What's that, Clare?"_

_"I just think I should go on it." He chuckles, "Why? So we can waste more money on your useless crap?" I wipe my eyes, "Never mind, I'm sorry."_

_"No, tell me why. Because I see no point in birth control." He presses. "So I don't get pregnant, Eli."_

_"Oh, yeah. Clare, if you get pregnant, then it's fate. The you were supposed to get pregnant. And we'll deal with it. We clear?" I nod quickly. He smirks and step away, "Good."_

"Clare! What's up with you today? I'm talking to you." I look up, "Nothing. I'm just tired." He picks up Anna, "Relax then. Shower. I'm gonna take Anna outside for a little bit."

_"Did you think that was funny? You think that my suffering is funny?!" He screams at me. I push the blankets off, "What are you-"_

_"You embarrassed me! You just gave me away! You-You sold me! I went to jail! Everyone knew!" I stare at Eli, his eyes are only half open. "It was just a dream, Eli." His head snaps up, "But you'd really sell me out! You-You-" He runs around the room, grabbing any electronic thing. My laptop, cell phone and the house phone.  
_

_"Eli, what are y-" He shoves it all into the closet and piles furniture in front of it, "You're not getting rid of me, Clare. I'm here forever! Got it?!" _

_I rub my tired eyes, "It was only a dream, Eli. Come back to bed."_

_He grabs a lamp and rips the shade off, then brakes the glass of the bulb, all in one swift movement and points the hot, flickering, not to mention sharp, broken lamp near my face. "Get that away from me, Eli. Get it away." I push a pillow in front of me. _

_"Are you scared, Clare? Huh? Huh? Are you scared?" He taunts, waving it around. "Yes! Yes, now stop it! Eli, put the lamp down!" I scream. He whips his arm around and launches the lamp in back of him. It crashes to the wall and flickers for a moment, then goes out, "I scared you, huh, Clare?"_

_I rub my eyes, "Eli, what are you-"_

_"You were scared. Now, get up!" I stand up. He drags me outside and searches through the bushes. I shiver, "Eli, let's go inside. It's freezing. It must be-"_

_"Look!" He holds up something dark. I look closer to see a small frog. "Eli-" He suddenly tosses it at me, making me cry out. "Get inside!" He screams. I run inside, with him behind me. "I'm tired..." He mutters and lays on the couch, "Tell me a story."_

"Clare. Clare, come on. What's up? You keep zoning out." I look up at Eli. "I dropped Elliot off. He was so anxious to get to school." I rub my temples, "I need to lie down." He speed walks over to me, "Are you okay?" I nod, "Just fla-I'm fine."

I settle on the couch and flinch voluntarily. "Clare, you're scaring me."

_"Here." Eli says, handing me a small box. The box, a square one, with a red fabric around it, is black. The way Eli had handed it to me was so nonchalant. We'd been sitting on the couch, watching TV, and he'd just passed it over to me. I open it to see a stunning ring. _

_It's silver and has five small diamond on either side and, in the middle, 2 slightly larger diamonds and the biggest diamond. "What's this for?" I whisper, examining it._

_"We're getting married." He says. I freeze and drop the ring into my lap. "Wha-" __"In 6 months. We're getting married. It's an engagement ring." I turn to him, "I can't marry you, Eli."_

_He chuckles, "You don't exactly have a say. We're getting married." His voice is stern and demanding. Gently picking up the ring, he forces it onto my finger. "No...No...I love you, Eli. But I can't marry you."_

_He clicks off the TV and punches me in the jaw. "What the hell, Eli?!" He rolls his eyes and pulls me into his lap, "I love you so much, Clare. So we are getting married." I touch my stinging cheek. Eli's forearm locks around my head. I sob into it._

"Clare? Clare, answer me!" I snap my head up, "Stop yelling, Eli. My head hurts." He lifts my head up and pulls my eyelid down, peering into my eye. He does the same to the other. "Should I take you somewhere?"

_"Forget it...? Forget what you put me through? All the trauma?! All the Hell? I'll probably need years of therapy to even get remotely past it!" I scream at Eli._

_"Look, I get it. I forced something upon you before you were ready. I made you have sex with me when you didn't want to. Before we were even married, which I forced upon you also. I know you weren't ready, but...let me put it this way: we would've had sex eventually."_

_She looks even more angry, "I wanted to wait until I was married. I've always just wanted to wait until I was married. I didn't want to turn out like my sister."_

_"I knew we'd get married! I've always known we'd get together. From the day I met you Clare, from the day I first laid my eyes on you, from the day I talked to you, I knew that we were gonna get married! I've always known we'd always be together. I knew it. I couldn't let anyone else put a ring on you. It even says in the bible that whoever you have sex with, you have to mar-"_

"I'm fine, Eli..." I whisper.

_"I blamed myself all those years! I thought there was something wrong with me! I thought that, maybe, you thought I was unattractive and were punishing me for it! I starved myself and you still hit me! I couldn't stand it! I thought you hated me! I didn't know what I ever did to deserve it!" I finish and lets my eyes flood over with tears._

_Eli makes a snarling face, "Maybe you did deserve it! Maybe if you weren't such a **bitch**, maybe I'd treat you nicer! Maybe you are ugly! Maybe I do hate you! Maybe I do want to watch you suffer! Maybe you do deserve all of it!" He roars._

"Clare. Look at me. You need to stop blanking out. What's happening?"

"Can I just be alone? I need to sleep." He stands up slowly, "I'm gonna check on you in an hour."


	43. Chapter 43

I keep having these..._flashbacks. _

Of fights Eli and I have had.

_"I hate you!" A smirk spreads over his face, "No you don't. You don't get to have an opinion. I tell you what I think." I bite my already swollen lip, "I'm going to take a shower." I start to go to the bathroom, but Eli grabs me, "Not without me." I turn and shove him away, "Stop it!" I cry. He tries to pin me to the wall, but I rush away, grab a picture hanging from it [the wall] and throw it at him. It hits him square in the head and immediately shatters. He cradles his head, "You fucking bitch." Blood comes out of the wound. and drips onto the picture, one of us together, smiling. _

And beatings.

_"I'm sorry." I whisper. "Sorry isn't enough. You don't call? Text? I thought about calling the police! You were gonna all day!" I squeeze my hands, "I took Sab to see Alli. I left a note..." He slaps me. Hard. I fall to the floor. I see Sab, he's only 4, standing next to the couch. "Eli-not in front of-" But I don't even have a chance to finish my sentence his boot connects with my side._

Times he's violated me.

_"I've missed you. Maybe I'll quit work and devote all my time to you." Eli mummers and locks his mouth to mine. I squirm and try to push him away but he grabs my legs and lifts them up. Not wanting to risk falling, I obediently wrap my legs around him and let him kiss me. His hand drifts downwards and rubs me through my jeans. I whisper in response at the forced contact. He seems to forget what 'gentle' means and lets his caveman instincts take over. "S-St-" Every time I try to talk, he straightens his fingers and pushes a particularly sensitive spot that never fails to make me shut up._

Things he's said.

_"You're worthless."_

And I'm beginning to feel terrified.

Oh, sure, he was nice now. But I can remember countless times that he's 'been nice' and suddenly had a shift in mood. He's turn into the selfish and angry Eli he's become and use his body against mine. He goes from a sweet, loving, caring and gentle man to one who's cruel and hateful.

So I can't blame myself for feeling frightened. Despite his change in attitude. He spends more time with Elliot and Anna and seems better. But I don't know how to deal with this. All these memories flowing back. They're awful. I wish they'd just...go away. Maybe i can get amnesia. I could 'accidentally' fall and hit my head. But that seems too extreme. I could fake amnesia. I don't see what that would solve, though.

Maybe I just need to accept the fact that Eli's actually changed. Maybe it _is _my fault that I'm afraid of him. If I could just get over the past, Eli and I could have a _normal _relationship. It feels like if anyone else were put in this situation, they'd be able to get over it. So I should be able to. Yet I can't get over the fact that his mood will suddenly change and my pain will be top of his priority list.

All I can do is wait for him and Elliot to get home. Now that I think of it, they _should _be home by now. Elliot's school is, like, 15 minutes away, with traffic.

_"Leave me alone, Eli." I seethe. He's smirking, "Aren't you the least bit excited to have a baby?" I glare in response and whisper, "You know I'm not. I didn't even want to marry you! Why would I want to have your child? We're not ready for a kid, Eli!" He chuckles, "I'm excited. You know, I hope it's a girl. Then I'll have 2 people for sex." He says softly in my ear. _

I shudder. The memory was from before Sebastian was born.

But Eli _has _changed. And he'll stay nice. I just have to keep him happy.

And, as I try to think of ways to _keep _Eli happy, my youngest son appears before me. "Mom, look. Look at my hair." I drop my jaw. I place of his old hair, lies a mohawk. Eli walks in behind him, smiling, "Cool, huh?" I nod slowly, "Elie, go work on your homework." I say as Eli sits down next to me. "You let him get mohawk?" I ask. One of his eyebrows rises, "I didn't think it'd be a big deal..." His voice is tense.

_'Don't piss him off...'_ I tell myself. "I-It's not. It's...cute." I assure. He smiles very small, "Okay. That's good."

**Eli's POV:**

I rest against Clare and hesitantly put my arm around her. She immediately tenses up, only for a second, then relaxes into my hold. I can feel my heart pounding. I wish there was someway to read her mind. Then I could see what she was really thinking. I just...I can't go anything to piss her off. Nothing to make her sad, angry or upset. Nothing that would cause her to leave me.

And I just wish I'd known she wouldn't like the mohawk. Personally, I think it's cute. But I can see where she's coming from. A lot of 'bad influences' or punk-guys have mohawks. In anyone other than Elliot, him being only 5, a mohawk would look...intimidating. Angry. Threatening and whatnot. But he's only 5. So, to my, it looks adorable.

"Sorry." I say, turning to face Clare, "I shouldn't have gotten him a mohawk. But maybe I can make it up to you. We could go out to dinner, or to a movie or-" She stops me, "It's fine, Eli." I purse my lips tightly and sulk lowly into the chair. For at least 4 minutes, we don't say anything. We just _sit there. _Emotionless.

I pull my arm away and turn my body to face Clare, who simply mimics me. Stroking her cheek as softly as I can, I say, "You're beautiful." In an attempt to break the silence. She looks down, "I'm really not." I drop my hand, "What? Who told you that?" She glances up, _"You did."_ She says it so pointedly, it makes guilt begin to fill my body.

_"You're pathetic. You're fat, your eyes have an ugly tint, your hair is stingy, your skin is pale, like a fucking kid's doll! Look at you! And now you're crying? What are you, 5?! God dammit, pull yourself together! You're such a-a-God, I can't believe I'm still with_ you..."

I purse my lips and blow out a string of breath, of guilt. I run my hands through my hair, "I never meant that, Clare."

She scoots away from me, "Everything you say, everything you 'don't mean'...it hurts. It still hurts. Why do you say these things that you don't mean, Eli?!"

I shift uncomfortably, "I don't know." Clare stands up, "Talk to me when you do." And disappears down the hall. I sigh and just let her leave. I can only assume it's to talk with Elliot.

Later that night, around 7, after the sun has set, I call Clare to our bedroom. She's cautious, at first, but settles on the bed. I lean in the doorway and wait exactly 30 seconds before saying, "I've figured it out." She looks at me skeptically, so I continue,

"I've figured out why I hurt you so much." Her eyes urge me to continue. I give a sad smile and say, "I _like _when you're in pain." Her facial expression is a mixture of shock and fright. And confusion.

"I like to cause pain. I like when you have a bruise or a cut or-or are crying. And I know I've always said that I hate to see you cry, but I love it. I love it so much. I just didn't realize that. I thought that if I was hurting you that much, enough to make you cry, you may consider...leaving me. And I would never be able to handle that."

She's in total shock for a moment. I press my lips together tightly. "How can you say that?! How can you like to cause me pain? How-How can you even think like that?! I thought you loved me! You don't hurt the ones you love, Eli! What's the matter with you?!"

"You wanted an answer." I say calmly.


	44. Chapter 44

**This chapter may seem a little dark. I've been depressed lately. Here's the result:**

* * *

Even after our little fight, I've never seen Clare so happy. It wasn't a 'fight' necessarily, but we, and by 'we', I mean 'I', said some nasty and disturbing things. "Sab's coming home!" I drop the coffee I'd been sipping on, ignoring the fact that it shattered on the linoleum. "What?"

Clare glances at the broken mug and then back up at me, "He's coming home. For the weekend. Your mom offered to pick him up. She's going to sta-"

"Why is Sebastian coming home?!" I demand. She places a hand on my upper arm, "He's having trouble. At school. Aren't you excited to see him?"

"What do you mean trouble at school?"

She drops her hand, "Well, I got a call from the dean last week...Sab's getting all A's. He's aced every test. He turns in homework early. And he's a top-model student in class." She hesitated before saying 'in class' which I took immediate notice to.

"What do you mean 'in class'?" I ask.

"He's gotten in some...fights. Actually, a few. Well, an average of 3 a week." I twist my face up, "What? 3 a-and you wanna bring him home?!"

She takes my hands in her own, "Tell me you're not excited. Our son is coming home for the first time in-"

I scoff, "This is so stupid. I don't _want _him home. I-I don't even want him! Why the hell do you think I shipped him off to that school?!" I yell. Clare drops my hands, "Eli, please...don't yell..."

I slam my fist on the counter, "Fuck you, Clare. We could've discussed this! We could've talked about this! Maybe I had plans! Maybe I had plans that didn't include Sab!"

She bites her trembling lip, "I miss him. I miss my son..."

"You didn't even want him! You're so damn stupid sometimes, you know that?!" She bites her lip, again, but seems to broaden up, "This is the whole pain thing, isn't it? That you like causing pain. This actually has nothing to do with Sab, you just like to hurt me."

I turn, as if I'm to walk away, but whip around and slap her. All of her confidence and self worth disappears. She seems to shrink down into a small child.

"Next time, you talk to me first! You don't do stuff without talking to me! You-You can't do that! It's not fair!" I scream. With every breath she takes, she seems to grow. Trying to regain herself from the contact.

"You and your stupid abuse is ruining this marriage! Your hate, your-your-"

I shove her. Hard. She actually seems to fly back, for a second, then hits the ground. Hard.

"_You're _what's wrong with this marriage!" I scream. "You and your stupid expectations. You make decisions without asking me! Why do you have to be such a bitch?! God, I hate you!" I scream. I turn before I can do more damage and rush out the front door.

I can hear Clare scramble up and run down the hall. I sigh and walk to the tree in the front yard, grabbing the lowest branch. With a low grunt, I pull myself up and twist my body so I'm on the branch.

Okay. I love Clare. But I always mess up. I can't help myself. And I can't have Clare hating me. But if I stick around, it's bound to happen.

I have to leave.

I need to leave.

If I stay, something truly horrible will happen, due to me.

I can take Elliot with me. He's the only decent child. I mean, Anna's okay, but with my hours, I couldn't care for her all the time. At least Elie has school.

Him and I can...get an apartment. And we could live alone for a while. Hell, summer's coming up. We could just take off. Get a cabin far away. No phones, no nothing.

Well, I guess I'd need my phone. But nothing else.

I realize how wide I'm smiling and jump down from the tree. Rushing inside, I tell Elliot to pack everything important and begin packing myself.

"W-W-Where are you going?" Clare whispers. "I'm leaving." I say and shove more shirts into my suitcase. "Leaving?"

"I can't be around you anymore. I can't do this anymore."

"_You _can't do it anymore? Do what? Hit me? I'm the one who suffers! You just sit back and do whatever you want! I'm always in pain!" She screams. I turn around, "Do you _really_ wanna yell at me , Clare?" I demand.

"N-N-"

"'Cause you know what pisses me off? Not being in control. Being yelled at. Are you _trying _to piss me off? Because if you are, I can shut you up right now." I growl.

"My point exactly..." She mutters.

"Okay, that's enough." I stand up and slam the door before lifting Clare from the floor, where she'd sat trembling and crying, and pin her to the wall. "Listen to me and listen good." I say menacingly.

"I am leaving because I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to keep hurting you. Now I am taking Elliot with me."

"No..." Clare chokes out.

"Yes, I am. And we're leaving. We're leaving your shit. I don't like that you make decisions without asking me. Like I said: I sent Sab away for a reason. If you wanted to see him, you should've visited him. I don't like how you run our family. So I'm giving you 2 options. Either I leave, right now, with our son. Or you let me do what I want with this family."

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	45. Chapter 45

"What...What do you mean. What do you mean by 'your way'?" I ask. "You know what I mean." He says through clenched teeth. An evil smirk crosses over his face. I push on his chest, trying to free myself. "Decision time." He whispers. "You're making me decided between a life without my son and abuse?"

"One. Two. Three..."

"I hate you." I spit. He kisses my forehead, "I guess I'm staying." He steps back, "Here's my rules: You have no say in anything. You don't decide anything. You don't even get an opinion. I get to do whatever I want to you. Anything. From 7pm to 10pm, you're in the bedroom. Sebastian can come home if your going to keep bitching about this. You talk to no one. You tell no one about your home life. You can never leave me. Ever. Because, if you do, I'll make Sab suffer. And 6am to 7am...you're in the bedroom as well."

I sink down onto the floor and cry into my knees. "Pull yourself together. I don't want my mom thinking I married some cry-baby." I wipe my eyes, "Why are you like this?"

He looks upset. He goes somewhere else, but is still standing in front of me. His face twist into one of disgust and suddenly flinches. He looks down at me, with a terrified expression that slowly fades, "Just pull yourself together." He walks out of the room.

"I'm ready to go!" Elliot yells. Eli stops and yells back, "Forget it. We're not going anywhere."

I wipe my tears and head downstairs. Sebastian is talking to Elliot, but once he sees me, he runs over and hugs me. "Hi, baby. I missed you so much." I whisper. We pull away and discuss him coming home. Eventually, we're all at the table, eating dinner.

I was silent for most of it, while Eli and his mom chatted away. I played with my food, unable to eat it. I gently touched the make-up-covered bruise on my cheek. Eli took my hand in his gently, "I think, since school is basically over, Sebastian can finish what's left and go to school here next year." He tells us. I smile softly.

Dinner's soon over and we all hug Cece. "You have to visit more, mom." Eli says. When she's gone, Eli turns to the children, "Sab, can you put Anna to bed. Mom and I are going to sleep. You guys _have _to be in bed in a hour, okay?"

They nod and Eli drags me to our room. I expect him to force himself on me, out he gently brushes his lips to mine. His lips press to mine. I'm pinned to the wall, with his hands at my waist. His kissing gets heavier. "Stop it, Eli." I whisper. He rips away, "You don't get a say in anything!" Eli growls. I whimper an turn my head away from him.

"Fine. We don't have to_ kiss._" He says, smirking, "I'll just fuck you." He presses his lips harder against mine. His hands hold my waist with a death grip. "I'm sorry-" I say when he frees my lips and begins kissing my neck.

He detaches his lips and pulls back, "What'd you say?" His voiced is confused. "I...I'm sorry...?" I repeat. His eyes recede and seem focus on something between us, something only he can see.

A pain expression crosses over his face and he trembles for a minute, looking horrified, then looks back at me, "Follow me." He commands, grabbing my arm and dragging me outside. I shiver in the cold air and rub my arms. Eli turns to San, who was also in the garage, playing with Eli's tools and yells at him, "Go to bed!" I grab Eli's bicep and pull him closer, "Don't yell..." I whisper.

"Where are you going, Dad?"

"Out. Now go inside." San turns to me, "You can't go!" He yells. Eli steps forward with his hand outdrawn, ready to smack our son. Sab flees inside.

"What _are_ we doing out here?" I ask. Eli slides into his car and motions for me to get in as well. "Babe," I say, "We can't leave the kids hear alone..."

"Get in the damn car." He says sternly. "Just let me call Alli or Jake." He bangs his fist on the steering wheel, "Get in the fucking car!" I run to the other side and slide in.

We drive for a long time until I see the train tracks in the distance. A smile crosses over my face and I look at Eli. "Just like when we were in highschool." He says.

I smile and see the train approaching from far away. The car goes faster and faster down the slightly steep road. I bite me lip and we get closer and closer to the train. "Slow down, Eli..." I say softly.

"Yeah...uhh...the break pads are a little warn through, I think..." he mutters trying to brake. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I practically yell at him, " This isn't funny, Eli!"

"I'm not trying to be funny! The fucking break is out! The gas in stuck!" He screams.

I look forward at the train and begin to cry, "Make it stop, stop the car." I beg. He only release the wheel and holds his arm over me, "You have to get out." He says.

"What?"

"The trains gonna hit my side of the car. When it does, you have to get out." I shake my head, "No, no...turn the car off..."

Eli, with his arm still across my seat, unbuckles his buckle and sits up, leaning over to me. His lips oh-so-gently press to mine as he opens my door, "You have to jump. I love y-"

And then we feel the impact.

* * *

**Fin. **


End file.
